Adnamarine

I'm not going to go in depth here June. This is a very good piece; it's very accessible... probably because this is a writer's community. :P I just wanted to ...

Hi! I really enjoyed this, its fresh perspective and satiric tone. Now, I have to first agree with the comments June (springrain) made about those first three lines. Also, she ...

The first thing I noticed is that this needs punctuation. You put in a comma here or there, and a period at the end of each stanza, but it needs ...

A breath of fresh air, if not for its poetic style, for the blunt style, the irony, and the honesty. Not that I don't like its poetic style; it suits ...

Wow. That's all I have to say. This is absolutely ingenious! One of the best things, is that I impusively mixed up the words as a read it over a ...

Hey G, I wanted to return the favor. :) I'm sorry I didn't choose something more recent, but after reading this, I had to do it. What I’ve noticed about ...

This section has a more serious twist to it than the others, I think. The Lizard character has kind of a twisted side, which gives the story a twisted side... ...

Derived from the deepest shadows, feeding off of fear Growing with each passing sundown, dieing with the dawning light Growing with each passing sundown, dying with the dawning light They’re ...

Palantalid, I am genuinely impressed. This is stunning. And I say that rarely, trust me. This first thing I want to point out is that you need to make sure ...

Darling, how can you hate this? It's wonderful, and I can certainly see how it won first place. There are really only a couple things I would change. First, the ...

When I woke up, everything was still back I think you meant “everything was still black The very first thing I noticed was that the majority of you sentences start ...

marbles the well ‘Marbles’ is a little awkward, probably because it’s not a real verb. I think you would be better off writing this as a comparison. “A ghostly white ...

You know, I've been looking for something that I can read and say, "This is what I want to be doing right now. This is original, and fresh, and deep." ...

Hi Demi :) First, punctuation. Right now you’re somewhere in-between using all the correct punctuation, and not using any. You have the periods at the end of the stanzas, and ...

In the corners of my mind Is the music, The haunting music, Of a string quartet. And when I dance On my toes, I dance to the cellos And violins ...