("This is a kinda random poem I wrote, let me know of any feedback you guys have & what you think the absorber represents!)
The faucet springs on,
drink it all in,
contain every droplet
in your body,
till it is soaking wet.
you can absorb.
The water pressure rises,
make room, make room,
reopen the tight vacuoles,
this is your life’s purpose,
after all,
you must absorb.
It is too much,
has always been too much,
like this,
your body is threatening
to burst,
every last bit to the brim,
you have no choice.
Must…absorb…
Till you can’t anymore,
and you need someone
to release this to,
to let your
waterfall gush out
so you don’t drown
in yourself,
so you can eventually
absorb again.
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138,726 Literary Works • 672,262 Reviews
Hello youngdreamer!!!!!!
Hop here with a review for Team Roses Of Red!! I'm determined to still win no matter what this review day!!! Let's just jump right in, shall we??????
I really like this poem! It feels very metaphorical in my opinion! It sort of reminds me how young people (teens, usually) are always expected to just constantly soak up information whether it's in real life, school, friendships, or even jobs. The last stanza made me think about just like venting to someone to get it all off your chest after it's become too much and you start to break down from stress and pressure.
I also really love the sentences you used here like
It's very alluring and definitely not ordinary so it makes me want to keep reading it !!
THIS WAS AN AMAZING WAY TO END IT!!! Like, it just makes me feel like it just came to a sudden stop. Not in a bad way but in that sort of way where when you finish the end of a book, the ending is so crazy that you literally are just staring up at the ceiling contemplating life.
This was an amazing poem and I should have read it sooner!!!! Thank you for writing this masterpiece!!!!!
Have a good day/night!!!!
Love,
Hop
Thank you for the review !
hello!!! it’s catsz here to leave a review!!! the title dragged me in xD
let’s dive into it!!
i like how it doesn’t state what it is, and it leaves it up to the readers imagination to fill in the gaps. it interacts with the reader more.
oooh, this is interesting. it says you must absorb. To me, it reminds me of a sponge, holding water and desperately trying to not release it.
and yet. it also reminds me of humans. of us, because we absorb all the hatred, all the thoughts, and the words other people said on repeat. and when we cry, we release those emotions, so we can continue absorbing without drowning in our own thoughts and problems.
This is very creative how you put it.
the punctuation and grammar just makes it better too! like the part “must…must…absorb..” gives off a sense of depth and desperation to continue even when things get hard.
overall, i think this was a very very meaningful poem that lets the readers imagination run wild. the imagery is stunning, and as of right now, i don’t have any good suggestions xD
keep writing these!
Happy Reviewing and Happy Writing!!
from world class cat domination society,
~catsz
Hey there! Initially I actually wrote a poem about a sponge going through its life cycle, so you clearly got my intentions!
hello there!! as hinted by the bio, there are the themes around to "absorb" information, which are portrayed lovely with this overall metaphor by the usage of water. this allegory is a very well clever one to not just describe this state of absorbing information, but the overwhelming senses that comes with that. what i believe makes this allegory even clever while simple, is that this usage of water gives emphasis on how this way of processing of information in youth is natural and inevitable.
this simple imagery of a faucet and water is deepened great by utilizing how they function to create a sense of intensity and overwhelming presence, which is excelled quite well throughout the overall poem, alongside with the usage of repetition that does well to heighten readers senses! this repetition gives a sense of not just intensity but some kind of growth for this "absorber" to maintain for the sake of absorbing
the line "this is your life's purpose" is so bold against this overall metaphor that's been established in this stanza with these specific descriptions - it's a contrasting peak into a broad, heavy metaphor slowly being built up! it does well noting the deeper, perhaps darker, parts of this metaphor despite the usage of the daily average things (sinks) and lighter things (water), due to this doom of the inevitable being expressed through these words. there's some helplessness i get from the line as well, as if it can't be help that nature is doing its thing or a function is doing what it needs to do.
i love these drastic pauses in between sentences and statements - even when the lines have little words they all just build up altogether into this doomed feeling that makes it worthwhile to be patient when reading and let yourself be guided by these words. the poem really doesn't try to over-complicated itself, which i think is quite fitting especially considering the context that this is about the youth!
personally though, i do think the last line "Must…absorb…" comes across as trying a bit too hard to make an impact with the usage of both ellipses while adding an italics effect. i feel it is harder to pull off ellipses in poetry, though i suppose it does fit nice with a casual tone for a poetry meant to be about young people. i also do think in general, the line is odd to read since there usually is a space after ellipses (ex: Must... absorb...), and that fix would've probably made this line less odd to read even with my own personal feelings with ellipses.
while this metaphor and by extension this whole poem has been mainly inescapable and unfortunate, there is a shift that seems to share of glimpse of potential freedom and relief without totally breaking out of the metaphor that flows great! however, even that potential still leads to that unfortunate sting of a doomed feeling because this person *doesn't* have that person they desperately need to release to
great, unfortunate ending to this poem despite the earlier lighter shift. tying back to what i said about how this usage of water as a metaphor gives emphasis on how this way to "absorb" in youth is natural and inevitable, just for this "absorber" to "absorb again" is very reminiscent of the water cycle, which adds to the emphasis in a neat, clever way!
i'd say this poem does well in describing youth, or particularly what i deem to be teenhood, by using something fluid, broad, and a cycle. it does describes the burden of holding information--whether it is constantly told to you and/or observed--while you are in the process of growing yourself. in this case, i do feel this image of the "absorber" being a student and child who is constantly forced upon information by their parents and/or maybe school itself as well. but i do think the "absorber" represents the general idea of teenhood and what naturally comes with teenhood (or perhaps even pre-teenhood) - which just so happen to be more inclination to observe your environment and information, hormones that makes you more easily overwhelmed, (and for many teens) the feeling of being in a inevitable, doomed cycle inescapable by the people around you and by your own brain that's basically a sponge and hormonal in the worse ways possible...
overall, this was a great piece i enjoyed reading!! the formatting did well in building up tension and it was interesting to see how this metaphor would be extended through-out the poem - and to see how i could relate to that to me as someone who is a youth myself. keep writing!!
Hello!
I clicked on this poem randomly because it seemed intriguing but I found myself really relating to it. This poem really spoke to me in lots of ways. I think that the absorber is all of us, and to me the stuff being absorbed could be multiple things. It could be stress, or perhaps the person in this poem is absorbing all the energy of the people around them and they can't contain it anymore. I really love this poem! Sometimes the lines in this poem feel a bit choppy, but it could very well be intentional. I feel like there's some shorter lines that you could combine with the line ahead of them, but if you want to keep it how it is then that's fine too! Great job with this poem, keep on writing!
Thank you for your suggestions!
When we are young, we soak up in a sense everything around us. Behaviors, language, etc. We never stop taking in information even as we get older but as we are young that's when we get the most information in.
I know this is a random poem that you wrote, but I feel like even though it is so random it unlocks meanings to it that you probably wouldn't even know.
''The faucet springs on,
drink it all in,
contain every droplet
in your body,
till it is soaking wet.
you can absorb.''
I like how this poem isn't overly exaggerated, but its quite simple. Simplicity is often good, but sometimes you have to add a little emphasis to the poem, maybe even add a big word here or there to make it sound, I don't know how to describe it, but it has something to do with emotion.
''The water pressure rises,
make room, make room,
reopen the tight vacuoles,
this is your life’s purpose,
after all,
you must absorb.
It is too much,
has always been too much,
like this,
your body is threatening
to burst,
every last bit to the brim,
you have no choice.
Must…absorb…''
My second theory about this poem is maybe taking in too much. Maybe the narrator is overwhelmed with all of their friends giving them information about their life, or maybe its the desire to do everything ''to absorb'' and to be perfect in a sense. This poem doesn't have a direct meaning, which means it can mean about anything.
''Till you can’t anymore,
and you need someone
to release this to,
to let your
waterfall gush out
so you don’t drown
in yourself,
so you can eventually
absorb again.''
Love the resolution. It's like a continuous cycle of taking in and letting out information or feelings that we buried down deep inside our lives.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, and I hope you continue to make poems such as these.
Glad you enjoyed & thanks !
When we are young, we soak up in a sense everything around us. Behaviors, language, etc. We never stop taking in information even as we get older but as we are young that's when we get the most information in.
I know this is a random poem that you wrote, but I feel like even though it is so random it unlocks meanings to it that you probably wouldn't even know.
''The faucet springs on,
drink it all in,
contain every droplet
in your body,
till it is soaking wet.
you can absorb.''
I like how this poem isn't overly exaggerated, but its quite simple. Simplicity is often good, but sometimes you have to add a little emphasis to the poem, maybe even add a big word here or there to make it sound, I don't know how to describe it, but it has something to do with emotion.
''The water pressure rises,
make room, make room,
reopen the tight vacuoles,
this is your life’s purpose,
after all,
you must absorb.
It is too much,
has always been too much,
like this,
your body is threatening
to burst,
every last bit to the brim,
you have no choice.
Must…absorb…''
My second theory about this poem is maybe taking in too much. Maybe the narrator is overwhelmed with all of their friends giving them information about their life, or maybe its the desire to do everything ''to absorb'' and to be perfect in a sense. This poem doesn't have a direct meaning, which means it can mean about anything.
''Till you can’t anymore,
and you need someone
to release this to,
to let your
waterfall gush out
so you don’t drown
in yourself,
so you can eventually
absorb again.''
Love the resolution. It's like a continuous cycle of taking in and letting out information or feelings that we buried down deep inside our lives.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, and I hope you continue to make poems such as these.
When we are young, we soak up in a sense everything around us. Behaviors, language, etc. We never stop taking in information even as we get older but as we are young that's when we get the most information in.
I know this is a random poem that you wrote, but I feel like even though it is so random it unlocks meanings to it that you probably wouldn't even know.
''The faucet springs on,
drink it all in,
contain every droplet
in your body,
till it is soaking wet.
you can absorb.''
I like how this poem isn't overly exaggerated, but its quite simple. Simplicity is often good, but sometimes you have to add a little emphasis to the poem, maybe even add a big word here or there to make it sound, I don't know how to describe it, but it has something to do with emotion.
''The water pressure rises,
make room, make room,
reopen the tight vacuoles,
this is your life’s purpose,
after all,
you must absorb.
It is too much,
has always been too much,
like this,
your body is threatening
to burst,
every last bit to the brim,
you have no choice.
Must…absorb…''
My second theory about this poem is maybe taking in too much. Maybe the narrator is overwhelmed with all of their friends giving them information about their life, or maybe its the desire to do everything ''to absorb'' and to be perfect in a sense. This poem doesn't have a direct meaning, which means it can mean about anything.
''Till you can’t anymore,
and you need someone
to release this to,
to let your
waterfall gush out
so you don’t drown
in yourself,
so you can eventually
absorb again.''
Love the resolution. It's like a continuous cycle of taking in and letting out information or feelings that we buried down deep inside our lives.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, and I hope you continue to make poems such as these.