miss ya

hello!!! it’s catsz here dropping by and leaving a review!! try my best to make it as detailed as i can and what i think about itt. anyways, let’s dive ito it!
i love the subtle rhyming and detailing you have in here. i like how you mention God and faith, and the hope for things to get better is a very important part of life. without it, who knows what we would’ve done by now.
some tiny suggestions i would give is, maybe make the punctuation consistent. i notice some lines have commas and periods, but others don’t. putting either all punctuation or none makes it more organized. also, the capitals. make sure th start of each line is all capitals or none, makes it more neat and easy to read!! separate the paragraphs neatly
it’s got so much potential!! i loved reading this and how you expressed your emotions through this is very calming and heartbreaking in a way, like missing someone you love.
overall this is an amazing piece of writing, and i look forward to seeing more!!!
~catsz

I really liked this poem. It really shows and highlights how much our country means to us wherever we are. No matter how broken, or torn apart our country is, the nostalgia always has us not forgetting the place where the memories we once made were.



''I’ll miss you,

your dirt roads
worrying me about getting my pants
muddy,
ten past five AM liturgy,
followed by communal eating,
the baptisms in your churches'holy underground water,''



Sometimes even the mundane, seemingly routine things that we do can impact our life more than the big things do. When we lose our sense of doing something the exact same way every day or passing that same old place every day in a sense keeps us going. I know for me, there is a neighborhood that my mom always drives around and they always have those little free libraries. If I don't see one, I'll get a little disappointed. Because that's what I'm used to, seeing a little library.



''Seems the government cares more about

ensuring every road has those fancy

torch-shaped lampposts

and (probably fake) palm trees,

cares more about wealthy tourists,

than the native children of this country?

Your own citizens.''



I was a little surprised to see this part of the poem here. In my AP World History class, we are learning about nations such as Russia and Britian industrializing. Russia in particular caught my interest. Russia only cared about expanding their empire and did not really care for the citizens. And now thinking back and reading this part of the poem I think that really clicked in my mind. Who cares what another country thinks of you? Think of the people who live on your soil, and who care for the well-being of the country.




''
Broken still beautiful, my country,

in your cracked streets

and incense-sweet traditions,
Being kept by the God of her faith,
I have hope

things will get better,

and that your presence

will never fade.

I hope to greet you again soon,

earnest Ethiopia.''



I like how your poem ends with hope. In this wretched society, that's all we can do. Hope and pray for the best outcome. I firmly believe that things will get better soon as long as we hope and believe for it.

Hi youngdreamer!

This is quite a lovely piece! There is nothing quite like returning to a base of your roots that feels almost foreign to you as time goes on due to things that are far beyond your control, and your piece deeply conveys that feeling. As i've never been to Ethiopia and have limited knowledge of it visually-- i'd love to see more descriptions of what kind of setting that's like, so I can too, put myself in the same sort of perspective that you see as you write. Tell me more about what once was, that culture and natural beautiful that you lightly describe.

Your writing is beautiful and definitely something that could penetrate the soul with ease while reading. It really made me feel.

I wish you all the best. Keep writing!

- Lizzy

Hello youngdreamer!

Hop here with a review! I've never seen you around YWS really so hello! Anyways, why don't we just jump right in?

I think this poem is just generally so well-crafted and pretty. You cover both the beauty and harsh truths without either of them outweighing the other.

The way you phrase things in here just really makes me feel like the narrator is speaking with sorrow. Like how you are disappointed that a country won't look after it's citizens and will just greet rich tourists to make an extra dollar.

When you say:

Seems the government cares more about

ensuring every road has those fancy

torch-shaped lampposts

and (probably fake) palm trees,

cares more about wealthy tourists,

than the native children of this country?

Your own citizens.

Broken still beautiful, my country,

in your cracked streets

and incense-sweet traditions,
Being kept by the God of her faith,
I have hope

things will get better,

and that your presence

will never fade.

I hope to greet you again soon,

earnest Ethiopia.

Wow! I have never heard such a beautiful and accurate description of a country.

Beauty despite flaws or perhaps even enhanced by the flaws. I think most try to avoid talking about the bad parts of their country or express them all at once, but you presented the flaws as part of a beautiful whole that you long to return. Very good.

I am a Christian myself, so your comments about the church really hit home. I find it very heartwarming to hear about how God impacts different areas. On the same note I can feel the deep sadness separation has throughout your story. It is so sad when those you feel like are of the same group or family move away, whether physically, emotionally, or in what they believe.

Talking about how the government doesn't seem to care about it's citizens hits home as well. I think many countries feel that way, though some more than others.

I really loved how you ended off as well,

Being kept by the God of her faith,
I have hope

I hope to greet you again soon,

earnest Ethiopia.