Calypso-Clowns,Magic,Murder and Lies

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Sun Dec 18, 2022 2:44 am

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kaitlyn wrote a review...

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once there was a teenage fairy named Calypso.She was the Queen of fairies and her life was as wonderful and magical as any fairy's life would be.

But one day,Calypso noticed a young,blond girl in black,who was alone in her room,looking out the window.

Calypso had been watching this girl carefully and decided she could trust her.

She showed herself to the girl and she showed her the other fairies.To her delight,the girl was happy.She not longer looked as sad as she did before.

Her name was Veronica.

You can only imagine what happened next.

Calypso and Veronica became the best of friends.

That is,until Veronica wanted Calypso's powers.Calypso did not want to give the human fairy powers,because they would be too much for a human to handle.A human could die having these powers.

Calypso tried to stop Veronica from trying to get the powers herself,but to her horror,she was too late.For Veronica was dead.

Every day,Calypso wonders what she could have done differently.She wished she never met Veronica..

Oooh well this I have actually not really seen before. I didn't quite expect to fairies of all things in these stories with so much murder and the far more darker entities but well this opens the world up quite nicely. I really must go ahead and read more of these tales sometimes. At any rate let's dive into this newer one here.

Calypso already feels so different yet again, and I love that it seems like we start off with an innocent little friendship with a human child that of course in any other universe would just be happiness and love, but with the stark reality of humanity that this particular always seems to rely on we have Veronica being attracted to those powers and of course trying to absorb them.

I think its quite the twist that Veronica is the one who ends up dying just leaving Calpyso with a rather powerful guilt where she's really not at fault but it very much will be the case that she considers that she's at fault. Its a powerful little moment and I think its an interesting rule to establish into this writing universe too. Another wonderful little origin story. Well I'm off to find more.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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Reviews: 289

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Thu May 12, 2022 3:58 pm

MissGangamash wrote a review...

Hello, here to review!

'But one day,Calypso noticed a young,blond girl in black,who was alone in her room,looking out the window.' - this sentence is quite clunky. Maybe 'One day, Calypso saw a young, blonde girl alone in her room, gazing out the window.' (I don't know if her wearing black is of any importance.)

Why did Calypso instantly think she could trust this random human? Considering she's the fairy queen, I would expect her to be smart and cautious?

Why did Veronica want Calypso's powers? If there is a specific reason, it would be good to mention so the reader understands why all this is happening.

How did Calypso try to stop Veronica from getting her powers? Did Veronica die because she had been trying to take her powers? (How was she doing that/attempting to do that?)

I've read a few of these little origin stories and I'm sensing an ongoing issue with them. There are all telling, no showing. You are just stating things that happened (but also just barely, as I am always left with lots of questions) and so there's nothing for the reader to really feel.

It's very must 'there was this person, stuff happened, then they died.'

If you want your readers to care about your character's, you've got to add more details.

Hope this helps!

vampricone6783 says...

To answer your questions:

1.Veronica is just very lonely and wants to have something.She looks at the fairies longingly.She believes that having their powers could fill the void in her life.

2.Fairy powers are too dangerous for a human to use.That%u2019s why Calypso tried to stop her.

3.Calypso didn%u2019t %u201Ctrust%u201D Veronica.She only felt sympathy for her.She%u2019s the fairy Queen.But she%u2019s also sixteen years old and has never spoken to anyone.Not even the other fairies.

4.Calypso tried sucking the powers out of Veronica.They always got pulled back to her,though.

5.Veronica died from her very own stress and loneliness.This was made more impactful with the powers.

I am capable of making a more detailed origin story.BUT I write every day and I want to write quick stories about my characters.The reason I%u2019ve done these origin stories in the first place is because I want people to care about my characters more.

I don%u2019t want to spend a whole hour writing out a story.I want to make the stories short and to the point.

If my origin stories are bad though..

Then I guess I%u2019ll make them longer.

Just a question:Are there any of my stories that you like? Maybe even a little bit? Because I%u2019ve been having the same thing said to me from other writers.

I just don%u2019t want my stories to be boring.Or for them to make zero sense.

Do I have any potential at all?

MissGangamash says...

I typed all this out and it disappeared so if it comes up twice, sorry.

Basically what I see as a reoccurring problem with these stories is that they're too concise to a point where I can tell as the reader I'm only getting a tiny slice of the story. You've shown that you have all these extra details on hand by answering my questions - so why aren't these details in the story?

If you want your readers to care about your characters more, these little stories don't really do that. There's no emotion in them. Am I supposed to be routing for these people? I don't know because, again, I feel like I'm only getting a sliver of the whole story. By the time I know a character, they're dead and I'm left wondering why I should care.

It appears that your approach to writing is all wrong. If you want to write quick stories under an hour, they're not going to be good. Good stories take time. They take having a break, sleeping on them and coming back to them. I can write a decent short story in a day, but I'll go back to it several times before it's at a stage that I am happy with.

Writing is a craft like any other. If you paint a painting in 10 minutes, it's not going to be as good as one you've spent a week on.

I understand you want to keep momentum, and it's good to have that as a writer. But instead of churning out a bunch of these half-baked stories. Choose one and stick with it for a week. Keep going back to it and changing it. Move things around. Add stuff. Take stuff out. You clearly know these characters so give them some breathing room and allow your readers to know them too.

You do have potential because I can see you have a wide imagination. You just need to change the way you view writing.

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Mon May 02, 2022 3:53 am

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pandacow wrote a review...

Hey, first off, I would like to say this story grabbed my attention really quick, your style of writing is very intriguing to me, it has a sense of simplicity, while still telling a fun, brief story. If there is one thing I would suggest, I would add more to this line: "She showed herself to the girl and she showed her the other fairies.To her delight,the girl was happy.She not longer looked as sad as she did before", perhaps you can add more, like the experiences the fairies and the girl shared that lead to her being happy, but overall, aside from grammatical errors (mostly spacing), it was a fun story to read.

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