promise

Heya, theromanticchemist!

Q here to review your poem.

I really like this take on a crush being something a little scary, something a little out of control. I think it's an interesting contrast to the feelings of nervous excitement I usually associate with a crush!

i promised my friends i wouldn’t get hurt again.
i spent months undoing the last heartbreak.

I like how you quickly introduced us to the subject at hand! You also set an interesting tone with the lines continuously ending in periods, which makes me feel sort of the weight of having been hurt before.

every day, spent weaving back what was ripped from my chest.
and then there was you.
that very first day, you looked me in the eyes,
something in me glittered.
it was the part that had been bleeding for so long.
you mended that hole.

I really love the word "glittered" in this part of the poem. In fact, it might be my favorite moment in the poem.

Your tone throughout is pretty direct: I promised my friends, I spent months, then there was you. I thought "weaving" was an interesting image, and you sort of take it up again later with "mending," and even "ripped" here. "Bleeding" sort of matches with the implied heart and chest aspect. The imagery seems pretty straightforward and not entirely unexpected for a poem talking about heartbreak.

That's what made "glittered" really stand out to me! It is really different from your other imagery and really draws my attention, I think much in the same way as this person's crush drew their attention.

and i don’t know if this time i’ll get hurt again,
but i know i’d break my promise,
all for you.
that scares me.
this feeling always scares me.

Hm, I think the first two lines here threw me off a little. I get the gist of it, being out of control and breaking promises for a new love. But, isn't the promise to not get hurt again? Which the first line already says might or might not happen? It just seems like it's more the risk of having the promise broken. I think the second line might make more sense if the promise was something more like "don't get involved again" or "don't give your heart away again" -- does that make sense? I'm not sure how the promise of not being hurt can be intentionally broken unless the narrator knows this person will hurt them, but that kind of conflicts with the first line.

And like I mentioned earlier, really interesting to end this on a note of being scared, rather than sort of excited or not caring about the promise. I like that take, but would be really curious to know why it's scary, or to have that more implied in the poem. Or maybe another line to close it out, like, "but I'll chase it anyway," or something.

Overall, I enjoy the poem you have. It's an interesting look at a crush, both in the sort of heavy feeling of all of those periods and in the sense of fear at the end. I think you could really push the poem further in this direction with the imagery if you wanted, or pull it back to a more neutral place.

While I liked the weaving imagery, and I loved how "glittered" stuck out in this poem, it would be neat to see some more unexpected images work their way in here. It would be great to get a better sense of the narrator's emotions before we get all the way to fear. That doesn't mean you need to drop the blunt tone, I'd just love to see more!

Nice job with this. Hope you have a good day, and let me know if you have any questions!

-Q