i imagine you like i could never imagine anyone else, thinking of my eyes just an inch away from your face, your coffee-brown freckles filling my periphery.
sometimes i remember you telling me you liked some coffee in your creamer. wish i could tell you that though i like mine dark, i'd mix a thousand gallons of milk into it if we could only share a cup.
i was always like that, don't you remember? tossing my love out into the ocean, swirling it into the salt, wondering if it'd ever make its way back to me. you'd roll your eyes and ask me why i even bothered. i wonder that too. why do i even bother with all these men who couldn't give me a piece of their time, when we spent nights and days together?
when i was a kid i'd look through the car window at the moon and wonder if it'd join us back home. loving you is almost like that. i chase and chase--you're always there, it shouldn't be hard to catch you--but i'm always a few hundred thousand miles too far.
i knitted you into every aspect of my being. your threads left indents in my fingers and tied knots around my heart.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
I'm trying out a new format of poetry with this one <3
You did such an amazing job with it!!
I really like this peom.
" i chase and chase--you're always there, it shouldn't be hard to catch you--but i'm always a few hundred thousand miles too far.
i knitted you into every aspect of my being. your threads left indents in my fingers and tied knots around my heart."
Thus part really reminds me of myself. I am emotionally attached to this peom and I hope to get more from you.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Very powerful start here, it feels on the surface like its a simple talk about coffee but something about the phrasing there with coffee in creamer gives me this vibe that we're also talking about how these two handle problems and how even though the protagonist prefers a life in one sense, they'd go to the extreme in another way just so they could share problems. It creates a powerful effect and really nails home a powerful idea. Loving this as a start.
Well that took a bit of a turn. Looks like being quite so selfless ultimately would only cause harm in the long run and people took advantage of our protagonist turning all of that against them and all that time spent only goes to waste. Really powerful turnaround showing how maybe being so giving was a bad idea and how it all comes back to bite them in a more negative light.
The last two stanzas there are especially powerful I think with how you describe how deep the protagonist goes to include everyone in their life but in the end all they have to show for it is scars and pain. A powerful message especially the final line about knots around the heart.
Overall an incredibly powerful little piece, tying together the strings of how loving the protagonist and how they keep on falling into this cycle of terrible relationships. I honestly can't think of anything that could make this better, the imagery just works so well here.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Thank you!! <3
Hey there, friend! To begin, I absolutely love this prose poetry style. So as soon as I saw it, it really caught my attention, and I knew that I had to give it a read, and a review!
Right from the start, I got the impression of gentleness. Perhaps it's the lowercase I and the gentle details, like coffee, brown, freckles, and stillness. I love this right from the start. I love the phrase that you use of imagining someone like you could never imagine another person. Perhaps they're so meaningful to you and you love them so dearly and appreciate them so much and your heart that they just have this power over you somehow.
Well, being a very mature piece of writing, this piece still has so much innocence in it. I love how you reflect on being a child, talking about that memory of looking out of a car window at the moon, which is something that I can really relate to, and I'm sure a lot of other people can remember and recall from their childhood as well. You capture that essence of distance so heavily. I like the repetition of the word chase and how you format the words, words, breaking up these sentences, and a gentle way. You don't use periods to end your sentence, but instead you use these breaks in between the words, as a fits, representing a physical distance between these two people, and how they have grown throughout space, and time to still love each other.
As a person who loves fiber arts, I sure love a knitting metaphor. I love how you talk about the heart. You're using so many different elements here to prove a point, and it feels so deep. This person has threads and perhaps you were the one knitting with them. But it seems like they're the one in control and away, because you lose control around them because of how much of an impact they have upon you.
Overall, I love the formatting and the overwhelming stillness and gentleness I feel while reading your words. I would love to see an emotional climax in the poem. Perhaps a standstill phrase, perhaps an 'I' phrase that gives us more of a background... something like "i know that what I crave will never be reality" or 'I still see you in every sunset' or something like that, if that makes sense. I also felt like there wasn't a powerful closing. The last paragraph was VERY powerful, but it didn't feel like and ENDING. It felt like there was still more coming, but perhaps that is all symbolism for an unfinished story, haha, who knows
Either way, I love this and can't wait to read more of your amazing poetry! Keep writing and have a fantastic day.
Your friend,
Ellie
thank you so much! <3