sometimes i wonder if i hallucinated you.
remembering your face feels like looking through the fog of the school-bus window,
i wipe the condensation away just to reveal a blur.
we were like that, weren’t we?
there was always a dream we kept chasing,
running towards the light, though it never came.
-
i used to take your hand in mine and squeeze it,
one, two, three, four, five.
one for every time
i wish i could say “we’ll make it out eventually.”
we hid from your mom when she was on the phone,
the closet seemed safer than the spring air at that moment.
i’d wipe away your tears, staining my bubblegum-pink shirt.
it was too early for me to know the feeling of betrayal.
-
the road seemed a bit cracked when we biked down to the forest,
bumping along the potholes, trying to act happy.
we got down to the end of the cul-de-sac,
and you whispered your secret as if saying it quietly would make it less real.
you felt so real, a full human with all your problems,
but you were so perfect—
sometimes i wonder if i hallucinated you.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hiii!! I just wanted to say that your poem is really beautiful and nostalgic. I love how you've beautifully portrayed the foggy childhood memories of an innocent child. And the way you start and end the poem with the idea of hallucinating the person gives the poem a very mysterious and eerie touch. It's almost as if the child is trying to remember whether the person in her memories is real or just a hallucination. It's really good. Keep going!!
Hai :3
I wrote a review for this, but I forgot to submit it!! Oopsie!!
This poem is so nostalgic and achingly tender!! The foggy memory and the haze of emotion are so beautifully portrayed, and the way you start and end with that haunting idea of hallucination gives the whole thing this dreamlike quality. It all comes together like a wistful sigh, and I love how the imagery just pulls me in!! It’s like a metaphor for a friendship or relationship that’s slipped away, but you’re still holding onto the pieces, trying to grasp at them and their memory. I love that!!
Aww, this is so cute !!!
This whole stanza is so cute to me!! It makes me feel like that’s something you did for comfort, or maybe even out of hope that things would eventually get better. It’s both sweet and heartbreaking!! The imagery of hiding from your friend's mom, the bubblegum-pink shirt, and those tears ~~ Like, that’s so vivid!! It’s the little details that hit hardest, like you can almost smell the spring air outside but still know why the closet felt safer. I feel like I'm in your shoes when I read this!!
^^^ I had a few thoughts though. The closet scene that follows this is beautifully intimate, but the jump from that moment to "too early for betrayal" could use a bit more grounding. You hint at something deeper, but the leap from hiding to betrayal feels abrupt!! Like, what happened behind the scenes? It's great to want to add mystery and intrigue to a poem, but we have to have some foundation for that to work. As the reader, I want to know all of the details, even the "boring" ones!!
I love how it loops back to the hallucination!! It makes the whole poem feel cyclical, like you’re trapped in this bittersweet memory loop. Honestly, you crushed it with how it walks that tightrope between memory and fantasy, realness and dream. There is a sense of this duality that makes this person feel so alive, so tangible, even though they might not be fully real anymore. Amazing work here!! ^_^
- Payton
Thank you so much for the kind review!
Hi! This reminds me a lot of one of my favourite childhood stories: Most Beloved Sister (Allrakäraste syster) from Astrid Lindgren. Except this one doesn't have a happy ending like that story did. (Although as a child the 'happy ending' of that story was the saddest I could imagine)
It's like looking back at the golden time and coming to the realization that the time never really existed. It's fascinating yet at the same time heartbreaking how a child's mind can seal the pain and badness away by creating their own reality. We often don't realize it when we're little but the seal starts leaking as we get older.
I like how it starts and ends with the same line, however it would still work without the first line. Leaving the first line out might give it a cool little twist when first you build up this beautiful picture of a childhood friend but then the last line would kind of tear the picture down showing the reality. Or in other words like I mentioned before: looking back at the golden times and realizing those times never really existed. But it works great with and without the first line and it really depends on what you want to stress.
All in all I really enjoyed reading this and you painted the picture with your words really beautifully. Can't wait to read more from you!
Hi! I came across your story, and it really resonated with me. It’s amazing how a child can use their imagination to connect with the real world around them. Through play and creativity, they create a space where they feel safe and understood.
It’s clear that the child has faced some tough times that no one should have to experience at such a young age. They’ve built a protective environment to shield themselves from distractions and difficulties, showing their strength and resilience. It’s wonderful to see how they strive to find support in their own way.
However, it’s heartbreaking to see how the mom seems to overlook the child’s needs. This neglect can deeply affect a child’s confidence and emotional well-being. Childhood is such an important time for growth, where experiences can shape a person’s future. It’s crucial to nurture their spirit, allowing them to explore both fear and bravery in a loving environment. Overall, your story beautifully highlights the importance of connection and support during these formative years.
I'm just going to be honest and say that I am worn out as hell and I may not make the best review tonight. just saying sorry in advance
oh wait a second. I KNOW YOU. HI HOOMAN. IMMA READ DIS REAL QUICK.
this is kind of sad. I'm getting the feeling that their mom wasn't exactly what you would call "nice" though this raises a few questions out of me. what more was the mom like? why hide from her while she was on the phone? did she make you sit in one spot? it's pretty horrible that you would have to hide from the closet to get away from her. cant you go to your own house if you were friends? or was your friend not allowed over? Where was the dad, even? and the most important question of all, at least in my opinion...
what happened to the friend, and why are they gone? I only hope you're still with them.
a lot of these questions are personal and i'll probably bug you about it in PM, but it kinda makes you ponder what happened. its a nice sweet poem and it paints a story more than anything. kind of reminds me of two little kids playing by the woods.
Anywho, I know you're sleeping, so have a good night!