Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
when you wake up in the middle of the night,
eyes wide and almost crying,
because the dreading feeling is back,
the looming monster is following,
nothing in the world makes sense.
you spend the next day wondering why the day seems darker,
why you don’t want to talk,
why there’s a black cloud over your head,
and everyone around you chalks it up to dramatics.
so you suffer alone.
and you think you deserve this.
you are a bad person after all.
look at all the people you’ve hurt.
look at all the things you’ve broken.
the days pass, one after the other,
and you spend nights awake, believing that you don’t deserve to take up space.
the golden threads to people around you start to fray,
and break off,
one,
by one,
until you are left all alone with the remnants of lost love.
nobody believes you are sinking into quicksand.
so you gaslight yourself out of it.
you are making everything up.
you are stealing space from those who need it.
weeks pass without care for any other feelings.
you throw yourself into plots.
plots to save the people around you,
removing the common denominator first.
it is a dark thing, to plot your own death.
make a backup plan,
double, triple-check your supplies,
make sure you are not to make it out alive.
slowly, you say goodbye.
there is no human left to care about you leaving,
so you bid farewell to the trees.
the buildings that watch you grow.
the book that kept you sane.
they may not miss you,
but you will miss them.
but this is for the greater good—
d a r k n e s s
w i l l i m a k e i t o u t ?
n o d o n ‘ t s a v e m e
d o n ‘ t d e s e r v e y o u r h e l p
l e a v e m e t o d i e
t h i s i s f o r t h e b e s t i p r o m i s e
s
l
i
p
p
i
n
g
bright light will awake you.
if all goes well, they will be the glimmers of a brand-new beginning,
but they are fluorescent with a morbid glow.
and you will cry,
and wonder why you failed,
and eventually you will heal.
it takes months.
it takes years.
it takes an entire decade
to realize that
you are not the problem.
in years to come
you call it the black dog
and from time to time it comes back to follow you.
you feel it’s presence,
watching you,
waiting for your vulnerability.
but you do not give in.
you play tug-of-war with your agency
and the feelings you can now control.
on the twentieth anniversary,
you’re sitting in the apartment you own,
alone but no longer lonely.
sipping coffee and remembering
the dark times and
the hard life,
you silently celebrate your triumph.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
not a review but idk
this is so poignant why am I crying idk maybe its because this is exactly how I feel when I'm not being silly
"the golden threads to people around you start to fray,
and break off,
one,
by one,
until you are left all alone with the remnants of lost love.
nobody believes you are sinking into quicksand.
so you gaslight yourself out of it.
you are making everything up.
you are stealing space from those who need it.
weeks pass without care for any other feelings"
I'm not crying, you're crying THIS HAS NO REASON TO BE THIS GOOD hklsdksafhdjfl you're paying for my therapy aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This hits very close to home and I love the wording. It's a dark subject but it wasn't too heavy to read as you've managed to approach it in a beautiful and delicate way.
"and you think you deserve this.
you are a bad person after all.
look at all the people you’ve hurt.
look at all the things you’ve broken."
Especially this bit hits the nerve and I almost feel called out. I feel like those thoughts are very common with people struggling with depression and this poem gives it visibility which can make us feel less alone.
It also explains depression well to people who might not really know how it really is like living with it.
"you call it the black dog
and from time to time it comes back to follow you.
you feel it’s presence,
watching you,
waiting for your vulnerability."
Especially this part shows people how it's not just something you can place down if you want. It shows them depression has mind of its own making it difficult to control the way it follows you around.
Your work is truly inspirational.
Thank you so much <3
As one of your followers, I love this poem, even though I cannot relate, sadly. But, these poems do give me the exact feeling that depression is, helping me understand a lot. I love this poem, and the author is amazing. The author can easily describe every feeling, of sadness, happiness, pain, grief, all in one poem. I am not really into poetry but, wow. 10/10
Thank you so much for reading this, and following <3
Nice poem written by the author.
I can quite relate to this poem (this poem is about depression I guess).
"so you suffer alone.
and you think you deserve this.
you are a bad person after all.
look at all the people you’ve hurt.
look at all the things you’ve broken."
As I can understand after reading this poem, the author tries to explain how hard it gets day by day, to suffer all alone, to cry silently, thinking you don't deserve happiness. The guilt you feel after hurting others is unmeasurable, you wish everything that took place to make a barrier of hatred between you and your loved ones just vanishes, but it does not.
"alone but no longer lonely.
sipping coffee and remembering
the dark times and
the hard life,
you silently celebrate your triumph."
Yes exactly, you don't keep thinking about the problems you faced, just let the past go (though it not easy to let go of the tough times you have been through). You see there is a new day waiting for you, new people out there, new friends to make, just go and enjoy, there is so much more out there to give and take, to learn and forgive. And, you do deserve happiness.
Always remember: "Winter always turns to spring, bringing new hope for everybody."
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Thank you so much! <3