something about the look in your eyes,
innocent, calm,
reminded me of the paper i folded last night
careful creases, soft corners—
step by step it looked like a butterfly.
almost as if i was creating you,
wings of beauty
and wide, ever-seeing eyes—
step by step it looked like you.
-
and i wanted to give it to you on a warm december day
when the sun was shining bright and you were laughing,
but somehow your happiness scared me.
because what if i ruined it?
i paced my room that night, wondering if i’d ever have that courage.
-
everyone surrounds you, and i’m just standing here.
i’ve yet to be cut into pieces,
yet to be turned into a masterpiece.
i only watch you from afar, but your smile as you called me over
made me believe you saw me as the art i could become.
-
and i told you about what i made from paper,
i told you i’d always loved butterflies.
the way you looked at me that day,
brown eyes sparkling like your black coffee,
was when i first felt my heart melt.
-
i kept my folded butterfly,
tucked away safe inside
but time by time
i looked in its eyes.
if i look hard enough i’ll see you.
if i dream hard enough i’ll have you.
-
and one day on a cold december night
maybe i’d dreamed enough
because you called me up
and said you’d be my butterfly.
i said, “you’re already a butterfly. i just wanted you to be mine.”
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hi chem! This is pebble with an autumn-themed review for spooky season! (Based on the incredible YWS S'more Method, of course)
Crisp Air — initial thoughts and noticings
I will start off by saying that this poem reminds me of the time I folded an entire bucket full of origami butterflies for a girl because she saw me folding one and said she liked them... ah, memories.
I myself have written quite a few poems about or including origami butterflies, so this work’s name called out to me immediately. I’ve read your poems before, (I love your style and how you place the words gently to create softness and emotion) but this one especially felt like a part of my own life. Even though it’s about such a specific thing, it felt like your words were creeping inside me and figuring out how to relate to my own experiences.
Trees of Every Color Imaginable — formatting and style
Something I particularly liked about the way you formatted the poem is how you started every other stanza with “and”. Even though each stanza was set apart as a distinct section of the poem, throwing in the “and”s connected everything. I like the way you wrote the flow of thoughts continuing, tucked in between stanzas of observations and admirations about the subject of the poem.
Another instance when you used wording to your advantage was with the lines
This draws parallels between the butterfly and the subject, establishing early the idea of the subject being a butterfly before touching on it later in the poem.
Apples and Cinnamon — the sweetest, best parts
There were a lot of lovely parts to this poem, but one of the things I really enjoyed was the comparison of people to the art.
This was an interesting idea, and I like the way you executed it, combining the narrator’s love for butterflies, art, and the subject of the poem.
You discuss not only how the subject of the poem is the art, is the butterfly, but also the narrator’s relation between themself and art. The narrator wishes to become art like the subject, and believes that the subject will see them as the art they can become.
Another thing you did that I am just obsessed with is how you put the themes of creation of art in relation to creation of/metamorphosis of a butterfly, which can all be seen in relation to change. This idea can be seen through the first stanza’s discussion of creating a butterfly and comparing it to the subject, in the third stanza especially with its lines on the narrator like “yet to be cut into pieces, / yet to be turned into a masterpiece.”, and in the last stanza when change finally occurs and the subject confesses that they are indeed the narrator’s butterfly. This was an interesting balance of ideas, and you wrote them extremely well!
Fallen Leaves — critiques/suggestions
The last stanza has wonderful meaning behind it, but to me it felt a little rushed. I think I was thrown off by it because I was used to the flow of the rest of the poem, how it’s a bit slow and gentle with lengthier descriptions stretching out moments. I’m wondering if you could stretch out the feeling of the last lines a little bit more, perhaps adding some more lines about the feeling right when first being called up and then after the subject tells the narrator they’ll be their butterfly. Or even splitting up the last line into two lines to convey better how the subject was already a butterfly, but the narrator loved them and dreamt of their love in return.
The Perfect Pumpkin(s) — my favorite quotes
Golden Sunset — closing thoughts
origami butterflies is a poem about butterflies, creation, the softness of love, art, and dreaming hard enough to create something. It touches on themes of change and art (and love of course), and portrays these ideas through the lens of origami butterflies.
You have wonderful wording, and this poem has an excellent flow. It feels like happy memories to read, and has me smiling all over again each time I read it. I can’t get over the third stanza; the more I read it the more I think it’s my favorite. Sincerity and love are tucked in between every line, each stanza a new group of thoughts of love and art. The parallels between butterflies, art, love, and change are well-written and readers can tell you put a lot of thought + sweet emotion into writing it. This was so lovely to read and I know I will come back to it again! Thank you for writing it!
(ps i was working on this review over the course of multiple class periods, so my apologies if anything is weirdly-phrased or doesn’t make sense)
awww thank you so much for such a detailed review pebble!!! <3 this was such a nice surprise, especially on one of my older poems. the funny thing is, I wrote this winter 2023 (a year or so before I posted it) so it's honestly eye-opening to see such a kind and praising review on a poem i've always thought was nothing special. thank you <3
Oh, Meenal.
How to find the words? This is incredible. It captures how I feel about my ex (the sweetheart one, not the douchebag), like we were a game of chance. Paper is delicate and fragile and a heck of a lot like relationships; which can never be anything more than a game of chance to most people in this day and age.
This poem perfectly captures the fragility of a relationship and how much of a delicacy/rarity a sweet, "I see you" sort of relationship is. Beautiful and powerful. Well done! 🫶🩷💜
oh how cutesy!
your poem feels like a quiet confession, like the warmth of a hand reaching out on a cold night. the way you write about the paper butterfly—delicate, carefully crafted—mirrors the tenderness you feel for this person. perhaps a love interest or a crush. it’s so lovely how the butterfly becomes a symbol of hope, of something you wish to give but fear to lose. fleeting is their nature.
the line 'yet to be cut into pieces, yet to be turned into a masterpiece' really struck me. it captures that feeling of wanting to be seen, to be more, to transform.
i wonder if, in the last stanza, you could hold the moment of their words a little longer—let that cold december night linger in the air before the warmth of the realization. i think it could make the ending feel even more like the quiet unfolding of wings. origami is essentially more than paper, more than art.
this is such a sweet, fragile poem. always close to your heart. ^v^