Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
hi, do i know you?
you’re holed up in your room all the time and i wish i could say i know your friends’ names but i don’t. saturday mornings watching you on the field aren’t enough, i think. look at our home videos, look at us. you were so tiny. i was so dramatic. now your entire life fits into your backpack and i’m jealous. i wonder if you can tell i’m carrying this weight in my shoulders. you don’t act like it.
what’s your name?
yes i know you’re getting good grades. you always will. you get good grades and an ipad and a better version of our parents. i feel a sort of bitterness for all the heartbreak you have never endured—the class parties missed, the perfect score that never went on the fridge. a part of me is guilty for being envious of someone who hasn’t had the chance to fall from grace; you have never lived life before, i was supposed to be your guiding light. how was i supposed to help you when we haven't talked in years.
how did we meet?
i’m sorry i disappear and i’m sorry you have to hear shouting. clattering pans used to scare me, but god, you’ve gotten used to them. you learned not to flinch at the slam of a door when you were six, why did nobody tell you that isn’t okay? trust me--i’d get you out of here if you asked. hell, i’m waiting for you to ask, waiting for you to wake up from this haze. i was disillusioned too.
sorry, i don’t remember.
you’ll never know my life before you and you’ll never know the secrets i hide in my dresser drawer. you used to snoop in there when i was away but i don’t think you care enough for that anymore. who could blame you, with an older sister like me, one who failed to show you the world before it bit at your pride.
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139,240 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
hi chem! it's time for an ash review
okay. this poem is very intriguing, by which i mean there's a lot of deeper meaning here that i need multiple rereads to fully understand. it's very very compelling. you're so talented UGH anyway onto the review!
) onto the next part!
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first off, the italics are the most interesting part to me. i don't know exactly who they're talking to, if it's the younger sister talking to the older one, or vice versa. but then why would the younger sister be asking the older sister her name? it's all very very interesting. i'm going to interpret it as the younger sister not knowing her older sister because she left the house early in the younger sister's life (i may be wrong) please please tell me what the real meaning is
the regular text is much more straightforward (yay cuz my slow mind can understand it easier
okay so i see it as an older sister who left the house due to her parents' abuse and left the younger one to suffer, except the younger one didn't suffer. she seemed to have gotten the better end of the stick, she gets ipads and parental validation.
but this part makes me question that. i think something bad happened, something "pride biting", maybe parents hit her, or something bad, and the older sister is reflecting on her guilt. OKAY I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY.
i think that each paragraph, starting from bottom, goes a little forwards in time. let me explain. the last paragraph is when the younger sister is born. the older sister talks about things that toddler younger sister would have done, looking in drawers and such. the "bit at pride" part is being born into the abusive family, i assume.
the paragraph above that, talks about the older sister disappearing occasionally and the younger sister getting used to abusive home at age 6. the paragraph above talks about how the younger sister is doing good now, and hasn't experienced the same abuse that the older sister experienced. by this point the older sister has fully left and hasn't been able to guide the younger sister, therefore the "we haven't talked in years" line makes sense.
lastly, the first paragraph is the older sister reflecting on her estrangement from the younger sister. she talks about how the younger sister is constantly in her room, maybe because she realized why the older sister left, and the abusive nature of her family.
okay i yapped a lot but i love this poem smmmmmmmmm UGH
overall, really amazing work. made me think so much (as you can see
love, ash
Hello Chem, I'm doing a review now.
Overall, good poem. It's an emotional roller coaster. I can feel every word. Did you mean for there to be two characters talking to each other? Anyways, I don't think anything needs to be corrected grammatically. I don't really know what to say, other than good poem. I love the emotion you put into it.
-L.P