@avimoon I know you're reading this...I promise it's all fictional,
your lace threads through my poetry like
i’m crocheting what we could be.
every word i cast into existence
will always be about you, every story i write
will be glazed with my memories of lovelorn me
from so long ago. even if you never
call me up like i wish you would
and speak in sylvia plath quotes like i dream.
and for once, i wonder—
perhaps it’s not the one that makes your heart beat the fastest,
maybe it’s the one who makes you soften at their touch,
makes you feel like the moment you add vanilla extract to your batter.
the air slowly fills with a sweet aroma.
i’ve always thought
i’d need to have a visceral reaction to my soulmate
but you’re leaving me notes and
making me think otherwise.
i keep our memories in my pocket,
just so i can pull them out when i miss you. notebooks cannot contain us, my love.
you’re scribbled all over my hands
in blue ink—finally the others have faded, you’re so clear on my skin.
there you’ve left what seems like chaos
but is in actuality a rhythm painted on my palm.
Hi! Pebble here with a review!
Initial Thoughts
Your first line is gorgeous and really got me hooked. I love the way you describe everything, it's so soft and delightful. I almost want to call this poem delicate, although it's not frail. It's actually very strong, woven well with the perfect imagery and unique thoughts that convey the ideas and feelings nicely.
Things I like:
This whole poem is very pretty and pleasant. Like I said before, it's so perfectly descriptive, and in a unique way with comparisons I never would have thought to make about love before. For example,
perhaps it’s not the one that makes your heart beat the fastest,
maybe it’s the one who makes you soften at their touch,
you’re scribbled all over my hands
in blue ink—finally the others have faded, you’re so clear on my skin.
your lace threads through my poetry like
i’m crocheting what we could be.
perhaps it’s not the one that makes your heart beat the fastest,
maybe it’s the one who makes you soften at their touch,
i’ve always thought
i’d need to have a visceral reaction to my soulmate
but you’re leaving me notes and
making me think otherwise.
every story i write
will be glazed with my memories of lovelorn me
from so long ago. even if you never
makes you feel like the moment you add vanilla extract to your batter.
Hey there! Plume here, with a wintry weather themed review!
Clouds Gathering ~ initial impressions
I liked this poem a lot! It took a softer approach to falling in love than the typical love at first sight trope, which I thought was great. It was just such a smooth and lovely read, and the more times I read it, the more I enjoyed!
The Blizzard ~ overall thoughts
You really nailed the tonal congruence in this work. All the images and figurative language enhanced each other and worked together really well, which is something I always have trouble with. All the images you used were ones of soft creation, if that makes sense; from the crochet, to the lace, to the batter, to the notebook, all encapsulated some kind of creativity and creation, but in a more understated way. By extension, then, the feeling of love present in this is also one of soft creation, which I thought was really beautiful.
I did think that there were some places that felt a bit like filler, though, and having some circular images to weave in themes between stanzas also couldn't hurt; there were just some points where it almost felt like separate poems as opposed to one continuous one.
Snowflakes ~ specifics
my memories of lovelorn me
i’d need to have a visceral reaction to my soulmate
there you’ve left what seems like chaos
but is in actuality a rhythm painted on my palm.
"and so it seems i must always write you letters that I can never send"
122,113 Literary Works • 657,360 Reviews
Points: 100
Reviews: 43
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