please.

by thePoeToaster43

Published August 25, 2014

E - Everyone

In Poetry

Hold my hand.

Please.

Hug me.

I beg of you.

I need you to share your warmth with me and let me know that this is not the end.

Let me know I'm not alone...

I don't think I can face this world any longer.

Everything hurts, and I need you to love me. To comfort me.

PLEASE TAKE YOUR CHILD'S HAND AND TELL HER IT WILL ALL BE OKAY.

Remind me that you haven't forgotten.

take your child's hand and calm her fears...

please.

please. please. please.

This world is not one we should face alone. 

Especially because it wont last...

I wont last.

Please.

hold my hand.

I beg of you.

And while you're at it, hug my brother and sister too.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
anonymousx
Review
anonymousx wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2014

Definitely an interesting piece. It's very raw and very emotional. I feel as though it'd be good for slam poetry. I do agree with the other reviews about the possibility of revision but other then that, it was a really nice poem. I love the line about not facing the world alone and holding your child's hand. Too many people in this world abandon their children, leaving them alone. It's very sad. Good job, and keep on writing.

User avatar
TheSybarite
Review
TheSybarite wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2014

Hey...!
I really liked this piece. It is so full of emotion, raw emotion. I can feel the pain, if you know what I mean. The words are so convincing. However, I do feel this can do with a bit of editing. Like, the capitalization was not quite proper. (But I kind of have a feeling that it was intentional) Overall, I loved the poem. It speaks to the reader. It touches a chord in the hearts. So, great work there! I especially loved the last line, 'And while you're at it, hug my brother and sister too.' I don't know why, but I really liked this particular line. It was a perfect ending in my opinion.
Great work!
Keep writing! :)

Thanks! Yeah, the capitalization was intentional.

User avatar
umaima
Comment
umaima commented Comment · Aug 26, 2014

Nice :)

PerksOfBeingAnna wrote a review Review · Aug 26, 2014

Wow... This is very deep. I hope everything is okay with you. Many people in this world feel like this. Like they need their parents, but they just aren't there, or don't understand. I've felt like this before, like my parents don't understand me, or they don't care. I noticed that some of your grammar and capitalization was inconsistent. Was this on purpose? It gave it something different. Overall, this was a great piece of poetry. Keep writing!

It was slightly intentional. Well... at least the capitalization was intentional. And Thanks!

WritingforHim99 wrote a review Review · Aug 25, 2014

Hi there!
You have a good work here. Said with the simple prose of a child who just wants parental love. :) Not an overcomplicated piece, just sweet and simple. I like that a lot.
There were a couple things I noticed, however. You capitalized most of the lines, but some you didn't. Is that an inconsistency, or was intentional? If it was intentional, perhaps it should have been done more regularly. And, there were some contractions with apostrophes and some without. Again, was it intentional?
But overall, very good. It seems more like something in between a flash fiction and a short story and a poem, but I like it a lot. :)

Hey, thanks. The capitalization was intentional. The apostrophes weren't. Thanks for pointing it out. :)



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