Purity and innocence mean nothing.
Long reign is granted to hatred and greed.
Pennies and Nickels fall face to the dimes,
for the wealthy and wicked succeed.
Honesty is worthless.
Love is a waste of time.
Respect has been abandoned,
and loyalty is a crime.
Cracked skulls at the feet of rulers.
Death in the eyes of the weak.
The strong have abandoned the rest of us...
And freedom has reached it's peak.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,443 Literary Works • 673,195 Reviews
HBC here for a review! How are you today?
This poem is very sad, to be honest. But it is true... Again, very sad.
The way that all of these good qualities seem to have really bad outcomes, and everything bad seems to run rampant and it is sickening. And it seems to all be because we have freedom to do these bad things...
Sorry this is so short. But my criticism here would be, don't look at the world so negatively... There are some very wonderful things about the world, and there are still good people in the world. Oh. And I think that you are supposed to have every line capatilized.
Have a good day!
Hello, hello, gxldencrxwns here for a review.
The meaning behind this poem was very raw and honest, and you hit it spot on. You got all the problems we face today and wrote them wonderfully. Good job on that part. The rhyming went along smoothly, nowhere did I see it being forced.
However, nowhere did I see a separation of stanzas. This is very important when it comes to writing poems. There was no indenting or anything. Using these will spice up your work a bit more.
I don't have much else to say about this piece, but an amazing job for writing our reality in a couple of sentences!
~gxldencrxwns
Hi there! Thank you for your review.
I actually did have it in separate stanzas, but when I submitted it the format changed. I found it odd, but haven't bothered with fixing it back up.
Thanks again.
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
I really loved this poem for a few reasons, but I also have some complaints, so I'll go through all my thoughts.
First compliment: The rhyme scheme. Often, when you try and rhyme, you end up searching for somewhat out of place words to fit in, but they break the story wine you do. However, in my opinion, this rhyme scheme fit perfectly, and didn't negatively affect the story at all. That's difficult, so congratulations on doing it so well.
First complaint: The rhythm. It was a little off throughout the piece, and because of the rhyme, it was extremely noticeable. I think the most obvious line was "The wealthy and wicked...", because it was much shorter than the line which rhymed with it. My suggestion is maybe to just add small, minor words. For instance, you could change the previous mentioned line to "For it is the wealthy and wicked that get to succeed", or something of the like, and it has the same basic meaning.
Second compliment: The message. I really loved the message you were trying to convey. It was powerful, and had weight, and I really liked it.
Second complaint: The formatting. No stanzas, no indents, nothing to spice up the piece. I think it took away from such a magnificent piece, and so I encourage you to definitely format in future works of yours.
Overall, great piece! Keep up the great work, because I look forward to seeing more from you!
Hey, thanks for your review.
Like I mentioned on the other review, I had typed this out into stanzas, but they went away when I submitted it for whatever reason. And I like your rewording suggestion, however it wouldn't quite fit. I understand where you could see mine as not fitting, but if you were to hear it spoken as I read it, you would understand why I keep it worded that way. (Which, of course, is a common problem when people read something of yours. You never know just how it will sound out in their head. I'm positive you won't be the only one to find it ill fitting.)
Again, thank you for your review!
Glad to help!
Ah, that makes a lot of sense. ALSO, consider checking this out - How to Format Poetry - to learn how to format.
Good luck writing!