I was thinking yesterday,
with tear filled eyes and a heavy heart.
Wouldn't this world just be grand without me?
I'm not quite a problem,
but that's just the thing...
this world would still be grand without me.
So, i got to thinking...
and wrote out a long note.
I explained everything,
simply 'not okay', it read.
But then I got to thinking.
That precious child I care so dearly for...
could she still be grand without me?
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Short poem but with a powerful message inside of it. I like your questions for your self and how you answer them. And i love the question in the end "could she still be grand without me?" it really makes you stop for a moment and think about it. It gives a nice effect in the and as it is not the end. I had a little problem with the language places it was smooth and easy readable but in some places it changed 'how to say it right' the mood. Maybe it was meant like that, but it kinda through me of a little bit. Like this line "but that's just the thing..." this line just jumps out of the background.
But looking at the big picture it is a good poem, with a grate and powerful meaning. I liked it.
-ElinaVest
thank you
This is so relevant today with mental illness becoming a more and more prevalent issue. Short and simple with a powerful message! Beautiful. I really like how you use the questioning of one's self to create a see-saw affect of yes and no. first a question, then a statement, and back to a question. Good stuff.
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Thank you.
This is so relevant today with mental illness becoming a more and more prevalent issue. Short and simple with a powerful message! Beautiful. I really like how you use the questioning of one's self to create a see-saw affect of yes and no. first a question, then a statement, and back to a question. Good stuff.
good job! I really like this. I think everyone has had thoughts like those that are written in your poem at some point in their lives- I have ma-self, but I've been able to overcome that like how the narrator does in the last few lines.
I can't really think of anything to improve this. I love how it takes a turn for better in the last lines.
Keep writing!
-rissy
Thank you.