♥♥♥♥♥
Is it my imagination or my own emotion
Whenever I see you around?
With your deep blue eyes, I’m melting like ice
And my feet are glued to the ground..
The time stops moving, and so everything
Soon vanishes and quickly disappear.
And all I felt during that magical moment
Is happiness, for you are close and so near..
Whenever I meet the path of your feet
Your cold steps echo in my mind.
Your voice is clear, but I know I’ll never hear
The words only from lips I’ll ever find..
You smile so warmly, filling my loneliness completely
You always start my day right.
I always feel and think that it is real
And I think of you every day and night..
I never had the chance, for I’m trapped in a trance
And I can’t say what’s in my heart.
Only you can undo me, only your love can set me free
But you’re far, and we’re worlds apart..
I thought I could breathe freely, I thought I could be happy
For I know that you love me, too.
I never realized, I’m blinded by my eyes
That you will never love me like I loved you..
My heart shatters, and my mouth stutters
Trembling and couldn’t say anything.
But what will I say when I feel this way?
I still love you inspite of everything..
I can never replace you and I will never do
For you are a gift from above.
I know time will come, and you shall see what I’ve become
Would you even shower me with a little of your love?
♥♥♥♥♥
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140,605 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
Hey there m'love, do hope you're well and all that. Since everybody seems to have been rude enough, as to ignore your poem, I shall help you as best I can.
Right.
Firstly, this poem is a little bit of an essay -nay, dare I say it a tome. This sort of puts readers off, you can have the most beautiful imagery in the world and it never be read, because people don't want to read reams and reams of text.
So lets get down the poem proper. I won't be going into the quagmire of punctuation and form. It can get a little tricky with a poem this long...
I don't know if this is meant to be a kind of pathetic fallacy, or an ironic opposition of ideas. If it's the first, then I don't like it; blue and cold for the sake of similarity is very dry and stale. If however it is the second mechanism, then I loooooove it. To me it reads of a kind of self-destruction.
Grammatical mistake: Remove "The".
Add an s to the end of "disappear".
A beautiful couplet here, I would only suggest that you remove "in my mind", it makes the line clumsy, and seems to be put there, only to rhyme with "find".
Very, very sweet. "lips I'll never find" is so hauntingly beautiful, it evokes a strong feeling of longing.
This line is pretty awkward, and the imagery gives nothing to the mood of the piece.
Any questions, please feel free to ask.
Love
Kris
x