Hi there, Telle! I'm June!
I like this alot-- if it's based on your life, and I see that it is, I appreciate it more. Poetry like this holds honesty and emotion in the words, and I know that it took effort and experience to write a piece like this.
Now, let's begin working on this, dear. I'm going to take you through this poem and point out the things you can fix.
my life started as being
a sweet-natured girl, whose curious mind wanted to know
what is it that people call LOVE...
and then one thing led to another,
and the sweet little girl they once knew
was GONE...
I am going to do a bit of rewriting here, making the language clearer and more fluent, dear, while keeping your words, okay? It's only a suggestion-- you do not have to keep it this way:
I started my life as
a sweet natured girl,
Whose curious mind wanted to know,
What is it that people call love?
And one thing led to another,
and the sweet, little girl they once knew...
... was GONE!
Because later on in the poem, you switch to first person, why not start in first person, dear?
i became
reticent and unforthcoming,
reserved from the people around,
because i really don't know
who to trust...
The pronoun "i" must always be capitalized, dear . Throughout the later stanzas of the poem, I noticed that you do not capitalize your I's. Is this intentional? The poet Edgar Alan Poe, seldom capitalized his; that was his style. Are you going for that type of effect here, dear?
I love the honesty that you're speaking with. It's rather touching, because, you are telling us that you became "closed in", yet, you are sharing this with us. Great job, dear.
I really enjoyed it. It had a nice flow to it, and overall, it was just beautiful.
Keep it up!
June
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