Some Words

I've really got to go do dishes or whatnot because I've spent the last 45 minutes here reading & reviewing your work. The one you posted about a dog surprised and astounded me, yet mad me evoke some sad feelings. But still, you've got a knack for writing. What if you become a published author one day? You must, I demand, you must notify me when your published book comes out!!!! I will be wearing my heart on my sleeve again just to have my feelings be all too real whilst myself in the beautiful work by you! Sorry, hehe, no matter what you look like, what you want as a career, what your future holds, I definitely like you. And that's good, because I don't like many people (with the exception of YWS since the users are all so fantastic!).

Now, to get to this simple, mysterious four-line poem that send a volcano of my heart into agonizing flecks of lava and ash flying up in the air, here comes forth the review.

Obviously no punctuation. That's your chosen style here, and it fits like a glove on a snail. Or maybe that's a glove on a pail. XD whichever the case, I'm still reading the last of your work (noooo postttt moreeee nowwww) and felt that one more review certainly wouldn't hurt.

Some words truly are better to write in blood than in ink. Whether the words are in friendship where you prick yourselves with a pin and mix blood; or using blood to spell out a suicide note :O ; or the blood of a lamb in which oneself used to express their love for a forbidden fruit. I adore(d) this.

This doesn't need elaboration to make it perfect any more. I love, love, love how a 17-year-old can speak to such a boisterous heart of a 14-year-old. Wow. The rhyming is flowing like a stream with no rocks or eels swimming through. *laughter is heard in the background*

Well, I must go forth to finally conquer the dishes and their dirty little germs hiding in plain sight. I must go. And I wish you had more writings. I think I read every one of your posts. As this is racking up points, I too am glad to express my opinion and have the opportunity to post more works.

Amen to you for writing with ravishing success. Tag me!

~ Freak

This is who I used to be,
A person who cuts himself.

I love your poem

Hello. I really enjoyed this little piece. It really hit my heart right on the spot. It's true and I loved how you used repetition of, ' some words are' because that does help to get a point across.

o.o

Well, I woke up morning and bang, this was on the spotlight. Not that surprised, really. This is more like a comment than anything else because like I before, there isn't much I can correct due to the short nature of this poem. What I really liked about this is that is short, but is straight the point coupled with some great imagery that evokes deep emotions within your readers heart.

Like JS said, try and rhyme the poem the whole way through if you're going to it. In a longer poem, you just might get away with it. But since is only four lines, rhyming couplets aren't that hard.

I have a suggestion for the general pacing, instead of writing, 'than on paper,' you could simply write 'than paper' because the on is repeated earlier and this on is therefore assumed.

The same with the first sentence, 'than in ink' could be simply 'than ink'. Because the in is implied.

But then, I think this poem is already brilliant the way it is especially because it speaks so strongly.

Hoped I helped.

-S.s

Hey!! I really liked this, especially the repetition of 'some words' and the structure of it. I really enjoyed the first three sentences, it seemed like you thought them through very thoroughly. However i feel like, the last sentence aren't up to standard than the rest, and doesnt make sense compared to the other lines. Also, where the firs two lines rhyme, but the last two don't, in my opinion, is slightly irritating. Maybe that was intended. But except for the last line and the not rhyming, it's very good and well-thought out

Wow. thats all i got to say. i love it.

Hey, there! Dancingwatermelon here for a review!

While this poem is very short, it speaks SO much. You can feel the weight of the pain the speaker is carrying, and it makes you want to lift it from his shoulders.

Personally, I skipped each "Some words are better to" after the first line. I felt like I had already read it, so I had that idea in my head. It's up to you whether you keep it that way or change it to something a bit less repetitive! Perhaps I'm just lazy.

I do like this poem, but I have to say that it isn't true. Except maybe the second line; it's definitely better to feel happiness than to read about it. ^_^ It's also better to experience pain and sorrow, and learn to go through it successfully, learning something through each experience, than reading about it. There is always hope. =)

I hope this helped! *likes*

~Dancingwatermelon