The Little Girl

Okay. I myself found this poem interesting had it told a interesting story. I was not bothered at all by the "Little Girl" repetition, for, to me, it was just like stating or addressing someone's name over and over. There are a few things though:

The Little Girl didn't deserve what you gave her.

You acted as if it was normal, but it was not.

Your cruel actions and sick, twisted move the comma

Mind will make sure you get locked up behind.


The Little Girl didn't know what you where doing.

She thought you just loved her very, very much.

But to everyone else in the world,

What you did to her body makes you look like a devil.


The Little Girl was frightened and laden with guilt.

Why didn't you stop? Why did you have to keep going?

To you, the touching was just a game,

To you, she was simple, your silent toy.


The Little Girl lived through years with this guilt.

You made her suffer, even after she moved away.

Why did you pick her?

Was it because you knew she would leave forever?


What would you say if one day the police came to your door?

They ask of the Little Girl,

And your heart beats so fast that you sit right down.

You try to lie, but they know what you did;

They know about how you would help yourself. sounds better



The Little Girl is all grown up, and she is no longer scared of you.

But even though you are far, far away,

She feels afraid and unable to think. this contradicts the preceding sentence

You screwed her life up and shot her down on her knees,

But she fought her way back up to her feet, and walked away quick as a wink. kind of blunt for the ending. could be a little smoother?

Hello there snickerdooly, I don't believe we've met.

I actually found repeating of "The little girl" quite annoying. The poem itself lacks a lot of 'flesh' or feeling. Although a poem of this sort is supposed to be heavy with emotion and feeling. What you have written so far sets the mood and that's it. The rest I just pass it off as a cliché and nothing more. I wish I had something positive to say. I suggest you spice it up a little, make it original and separate it from the rest of the poem related to this kind of topic and approach.

Keep writing

I personally thought that your poetic work was very interesting. I don't think i found any major mistakes but some punctuation once like in the third line,

"Your cruel actions and sick twisted,
Mind will make sure you get locked up behind..."

it was short but it doesn't make you wanna quit reading.
Hope i help and do recheck.

Yours Truly
- Stephene