I am from crazy intricate, painted ponies.
From liquid detergent
And fire baked Oreos.
I am from dancing, arm flailing fun.
And overpowering smells of greasy fake Chinese food.
I am from dead shriveled up grape vines.
The giant Blue Pine whose big branches have shaded our dear, long gone dogs.
I’m from spicy, mouth; fire cooking
Long hours spent counting grimy quarters.
From story telling, obnoxious Dylan and sweet,
evil talkin Charley.
I’m from speaking out of turn
and disagreeing loudly, over what movie we’ll watch.
From hand gripping, ongoing reading.
I’m from giant monsters waiting by the phone
and forgotten chores done by the tooth fairy,
and snapping your fingers in a Z formation.
I’m from eating till your buttons bust.
I’m from losing Las Vegas
and unknown Lincoln.
Salty, over baked Pasta
and cheesy mouth, watering Hobo Pie.
From long minutes of lectures leading to, empty worthless lives if success is not forged.
Becoming someone worth remembering,
Sacajawea coins found in piles of pennies.
In my brain lost in the sketches of time.
I am from remembered memories and forgotten moments.
****Copyright 2010- Akorn*****
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Thanks guys! I'll fix the formatting this instant... wait not quite. Thanks for the comments this poem came from the heart and yes kristachouinard I am 13!
I loved this poem!
I agree that the organization of the poem might do better in shorter lines like Maki Chan suggested, but even so I feel like I got the full effect.
My favorite line was: "the giant Blue Pine whose big branches have shaded our dear, long gone dogs." In a review I just posted I was trying to explain how you can say something less straight forward instead of straight out,like you're describing the burial place of the dogs without saying that they're buried, so this is a perfect example. I absolutely love it when I see that type of imagery. I also wanted to say that I'm so impressed you're only 13 (at least, that's what your age under your icon says) I never could write anything close to this when I was your age. Keep it up!
I like this poem, its just the format it is made that bugs me a little.
Maybe you could do it like
"I am from crazy intricate,
painted ponies.
From liquid detergent,
and fire baked Oreos.
I am from dancing,
arm flailing
fun.
overpowering;
smells of greasy fake Chinese food."
maybe ^_^
to me the original formating of the poem makes it flow kinda roughly