zap

I feel like you're trying to be really poetic. Painfully poetic... Honestly, this just confused me. I understood the first stanza, and that was it. Since this isn't in a category like humor, romance, I can't tell what this is even about? I would day good job but I can't really tell what this even is.

... Sorry?
Hopefully if I read some of your other work I'll see your aesthetic better. Woopsie daisy.

Hey! Hadj here to review!
This poem was... interesting!
I'm not sure I completely understood it, but I'll do my best to review it!

Analysis
I take it this poem is meant to be a play on words, and somewhat humerus. In the first stanza you compare different types of spreading, and it was actually kind of interesting. I like the casual format, and the end was a bit creepy. I take it the speaker was murdered by whoever turned out the lights...

Nitpick

when you're in the swim

This was a different poem. The kind I don't really understand, but enjoy a lot.

I liked how you played with the words.
The way you compared the opening of the door to a bird's wings and then the knife spreading was very clever. But I did not get the skin being crossed out part.
The second stanza was even weirder, and more confusing.
Which is probably why I loved it even more.
The image I got in my head was of a person staring at the ceiling from the bottom of a pool. Like when the eyes are underwater and the view is distorted, so it seems as if the roof is really falling down on you.
blubba blubba glug. hehhehehe.

The dash at the end gave the effect of being interrupted, and that ended the poem very well.
I may not have understood what this poem was about, but I loved it anyways. And that is a rarity

Good job!

Skor!

xD It's funny in a dark humorish way. I never knew until now that the jamb was a technical term. I always assumed people say "door jam" like they'd say traffic jam.

I really love the play of words here. I definitely dig the voice and the flow of the poem until we got to the crossed-out skin bit. I understand the choice of it, it's fun and it's a play of words, almost like the speaker or the poem itself has these Freudian slip moments, the back and forth swap of serious subject matter and the humorous way of going about it, you get this sense of this frantic, manic kind of character. And it works, it's unsettling and dark all at once. It's very Poe-esque. That's why the crossed out skin bit, I want to like it, but at the same time there's something about it that is too gimmicky and too intentionally done to be taken seriously. Like a "in your face" kind of thing. Perhaps a suggestion would be to have:
a knife spreading
skin, no-
butter

to keep the effect of the poem, but to rid of the gimmick. I like the pacing from the spreading of the jamb to the ending zap, but I wonder at its connection. I assume that a spreading jamb means an opening - and the image of birds (which by themselves connote freedom and flight) suggests this too, that the door is opening. But we also get the next image of the ceiling caving in, which to me is the opposite effect - instead of openness, it is claustrophobic. So which one is it? Is it openness, claustrophobic? Did I read that spreading of the jamb right? I doubt myself because given the situation, I want to assume that it's the latter - the claustrophobia, offing oneself, etc. If that's the case the spreading jamb and caving ceiling just doesn't seem to fit.

Anyway, I hope this helps Let me know if you have any questions.

~ as always, Audy

This was an interesting piece of poetry. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Though, I must say, I wasn't entirely sure what the premise of this story was, and I didn't understand it well, although, that's probably because I am still rather young. My favorite line was, "The ceiling might be caving in, it's hard to tell, when you're in the swim, blubba blubba glug," That was a rather deep line, in my opinion, but perhaps I'm over analyzing it.
But either way, this was a very good piece of poetry, I had a good time reading it, and good job on writing it.