Faux Pas

Hey Skor,

This one is not my favorite poem of yours, but I can definitely see it as a philosophical piece meant to inspire a lot of thought. I appreciate the experimental strokes in the Q&A-esque style beginning with that second stanza, I just don't particularly enjoy it.

There's something about the use of rhetorical questions in poetry, where it gets overused more often then not, and I'm not quite sure why it's so popular. To me rhetorical questions is akin to how you would use an exclamation mark! There is a time! and place to use them! and slapping them everywhere actually! hinders the effect!

Rhetorical questions have the same reaction for me, as the above statement prolly had for you, and it's a double-edge sword effect where: yes, they give the reader pause for thought, pause to think and ponder on the meaning/inflection of the words. But more often then not, they stop the flow of the piece and we're no longer in the work or the experience of the work, but in our minds. They also have an additional negative side effect, where the sentence expressed becomes passive, as opposed to active/in the moment/experience.

So, for example, note the difference between:

Are you intrepid?

You are intrepid.

You could be intrepid.
Maybe you are.
Perhaps, we are all
intrepid in some ways.

I loved the thought placed into this poem. You obviously had to think about what you wrote. I especially loved the last few lines, because it is so true about life.
"We all trip;
we all get up.
The most one can do
is to offer a hand."

This poem is overall very beautiful and complex. I do hope that you will continue to write work such as this.

Hello, my name is K and hopefully my review will be helpful to you c:

Overall, this was a beautiful poem. i don't even know how to criticize it. I loved your flow, actually, and your word choice. And I really, really loved your voice. It's so strong and powerful and invokes emotion.

"Does it choke?
But I gasp.
And does it burn?
I do not feel.
Can it speak?
No, nor can I.
And what of life?
To live. It is what happens to us all."

Those lines were my absolute favorite, you did such a good job here I don't even have words for it.

I guess the only small remark I can make is that maybe next time, organize your lines a little better so the flow is easier for the reader. With weird line lengths like this, it's not as easy to read as it could be.

Please keep writing, I hope to read more works from you!

Helloo!!!

Just wanted to quickly say that I think this is beautiful! I want to just read it again and again because I know this has a deeper meaning and soul to it! The ideas which you have created are incredibly bold. This was so sorrowful yet so full of truth that I had to congratulate you on this stunning piece! I think this would be a great spoken word poem, though it still works well simply on paper.
The ending was great: so simple yet striking, leaving the reader lost in the flow of words!

I look forward to seeing more of you work!

keep writing,


*~ Annapurna ~*

Hi,

I liked your poem, the subject and your narration.

To be picky, i felt that your poem had very little flow. I found it hard to move from line to line. I think it may have been your use of large words, which is not a bad thing, i actually enjoyed your extensive vocabulary.

The second stanza confused me. I found it to be separate from the poem. I also thought that you asked too many questions, and gave very vague answers. Furthermore, we never learn the identity of 'It', and that was the cause of my confusion.

Don't get me wrong though, I did enjoy your poem, very much so. Although the second stanza let you down a bit, for me anyway. Still, I did enjoy your poem.