the war of the man

This was a long, descriptive, pretty much terrifying poem- but here's the thing: I loved it!! This is amazing, it's spectacular, it's... I'm out of words, speechless.

I'll start with the pros/cons of your first stanza. It seems as though a knight or warrior is preparing to fight a battle for the king's crown and wanting to win. The tone that's given off is that this warrior has a cold heart, and will do his duty no matter the cost. I think the only thing you should change is "Those are what a hero use as words". Maybe switch to These instead of Those? Just an idea, it would improve the poem.

The second stanza is great. I love the first line in it- because it's original and sounding gruesome. I would make it life-ceasing game, so it goes together since it sounds connected. I agree with what you're saying here, all this talking about war.

I have to go now, but I promise I will finish my review when I come back! Happy writing!

an elegant poem about deep thoughts and religion.

To start, I really liked this poem because of its theme, the way you worded your sentences, and the vocabulary you used. I felt it was very deep and spoken from the heart.

Now a few nitpicks.

As I said before, I really liked your vocab and the way you worded your sentences, but I do think you used a few words in the wrong places such as; "Revenge vengeance and discrimination had eaten up all." I liked the line, but you used the same word twice and it felt like you were trying to hard to fill in the line so you could put "all" at the end of it and thus make it rhyme. Another nit pick I had was your grammar. It held in most places, but in lines like " those are what a hero use as words." It fell apart. I believe how the sentence should have gone was, " those are what a hero uses as words."

Other than those few nitpicks I felt the poem told a deep and true story about how we humans keep screwing ourselves over. I hope to hear more form you. Peace

This is a very telling piece. I understand you point of view perfectly. I am under the general assumption that, if you compare and contrast your ideals with a different set of ideals it makes for a much more rewarding experience. I think that to connect with someone through a piece of writing you have to give them an and idea or reason to latch onto and then spill your guts and tell them what you think and how you feel. It is very difficult for a reader to feel how you feel without having a subject to feel any way about about. All in all, I think you have written something very inspiring. Be mindful, that most people have never experienced traumatic conflict and they must learn of how it feels before they can draw their own conclusions.

hey sagnik i really loved your poem, cause it is about mankind and how it's screwing itself which i really like.
i liked it's form how you wrote it was awesome.
i liked the sentence ' unlike beast, kill their own seeds' (double awesome brofist).
and keep writing till 100 years (LOL but really your age).
and i really liked you using sentences in old english poem style