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Regretting Helen

by sagnik


Regretting Helen

O Father Jove!Protect this burning city,

This bears thesin of your daughter,

Also of hercourage less lover, Paris.

The devilishdestructive aura,

Sacked manycities, widowed many ladies,

Orphaned many child,destroyed many love bonds,

Ceased children from mothers,disappointed many countrymen.

Yet why am Isurviving bearing this shame of,

Betraying myloyal loving husband Menalaus.

Apollo youprotected the city of troy,

Aim your silverarrows to my eyes,

That fell forthe young, Paris.

Blind me for Irenounce those eyes,

That had fallenin the trap of teenage charm,

So did Parisfell in mine?

Bring the mightiestPriams ‘s son Hector back,

Bring the GreekheroPatrocolusback ,

Restore life toDiamed; instead take my worthless shelf.

Punish greedyParis who wanted beauty,

And sacrificed two countries for it.

O Venus, howcruel you had been;

You played thegame and made me

Fall in arms ofParis;

Cupid’s naughtydarts did prick me

And I became a part of your piracy

Atermisaim your arrow ,which you use in hunting;

At the sinfulHelen , to relief me from the pains;

Hector’sinfant’s gleaming eyes makes me cry and weep;

Howling Qeen,Hecuba Mentally broken King , Priam make me regret

Above allcareless useless husband Paris made regret.

Wise Goddess Hera,if you could help me while I was in Greece,

Many would havebeen living ,

Many lives wouldhave been saved.

There comes thedead body of Paris

No tears, only hatred.

He burnt thelast; while he deserved to be burnt the first

Had heparticipated in the war ,

Where many amen risked their life,

Though late, Parisgot the punishment,

Only I am leftbehind.

Can't I jumpoff this balcony ?

Into the hungryflames,

Devouring the Trojans.

Mars ! if you’re pleased with,

The bloodshedof the war,

Please end it.

Uncle Neptune,make this land,

Break under myfeet and let me,

Sink to thedark house of hades,

Darker is the hell but not more thanmy sins.

IfLordMenalaus comes to seek me,

How will I facehim?

Destroyed hismen sacked his city,

Above all,betrayed him.

My love lost infront of his,

His true honestlove won.

Paris’s andmine was a fake one,

Based upon theouter beauty,

The fake outerbeauty.

Written by Sagnik Dey.

Date:4/2/2015


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7 Reviews


Points: 988
Reviews: 7

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Thu Nov 19, 2015 7:49 pm
ConcernedGreek wrote a review...



Hello , this is a very good poem. From the first moment on , I get the impression you're trying to write in Homer's footsteps , in an Ancient Greek tragedy kind of style. This lamenting of Helen is a beautiful piece of work in terms of context as it gives the reader an insight into Helen's feelings and thoughts about what has happened and what -she hopes- will come to pass. It is an interesting description of her emotional state during the final -as I understood- stages of the Trojan War. The words that you choose add up to the emotional tension of the poem and create the needed atmosphere for Helen's regretful monologue. However , throughout the poem I get the feeling you copied and pasted the poem from one text format to another and the alignement (if I am saying it correctly) of the words seems kinda off , like words that should be on one line have ended up in the one below it. Also , while a very good read , it is quite a long poem and in my opinion , tires the reader by the end of the reading. The essence is what makes this poem beautiful but its size takes away from that essence. All in all a nice and mainly interesting poem that has some flaws that keep it back.
Keep writing friend and goodnight !




sagnik says...


I like ur name. Lije u i too am a greekbfanatic i would like u to read my new work on cressida.



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31 Reviews


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Reviews: 31

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Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:41 pm
Annapurna wrote a review...



Hi there!

This caught my eye, Greek myths are always so rich and interesting to write about and Helen is a pretty interesting woman... I've read many monologues and poems with Helen as the narrative but yours is the first where she seems to be pleading for the war to end, there's even a sense of guilt. I like this approach. Some of your references to the Gods flow really nicely in the poem, my favourite being:

"sink to the dark house of Hades" - nice alliteration, its like Hades' snakes are hissing at the reader.

You need to work out your structure and break it into stanzas, its easy to get lost in what you're saying because the pace is so quick. By reading this out loud it will be easy for you to determine where there should be a new stanza.

I also noticed an inconsistency with the length of your lines; try to keep them even and this will help the poem flow smoothly.

Overall I thought this was a good interpretation of Helen facing the consequences of the Tongan war. I suggest proof reading, there was some funny spacing issues.

Keep writing,

~*Annapurna*~




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139 Reviews


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Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:45 pm
Biluata wrote a review...



Hey there! I think I may be developing a reputation for being kind of picky about grammar, but AshKitten is better at it than I am, but here we go, grammar nit picking commence!

Okay this poem has a lot of words all smushed together, live Jove!Protect and outerbeauty on the last line, this poem just needs a good proofread and edit. Also, the spacing is a little wacky, I would recommend creating stanzas.

There are some commas where there needs to be periods and periods where there needs to be commas and stuff like that, but I'm not going to point them out individual mistakes, just needs a good proofread.

Other than that this is a really good poem. As a fan of Shakespeare myself, I find this poem very well done, and of course, accurate. Congrats on a good work.




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Points: 240
Reviews: 13

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Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:20 am
chrisharley wrote a review...



Ok, The poem could use editing specially in word flow the poem is really long and the schemes you have used are very fast paced not leaving the reader with enough time to take in the poetry as fluidly as possible. I see you were referencing something. It could be a shorter poem though. Good poetic moments even though they were a hit and miss at most points. It kinda looks like a draft other than a finished poem going back and fixing things could help.





When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
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