Love and hatred both are born within,
Difference in the two is short and thin,
Love is a divine feeling ,can bring both together,
In hatred hurting each other is what they bother,
Like a plant ,thron andflowers breed ,
Love and hatred both belongs to same creed,
Heart is their cradle,from emotion they decent,
Upon two no other feeling can ment,
Two in love,can ever hate?
This is a question for debate,
Can ever a emotion die from core,
Or replaced by hatred or something more,
Love and hatred then both are brother,
Of the heart coin one, the side other.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there! I'm afraid I'd like to start with quite a pernickety point, but first I'd like to say I'm glad you're writing rhyming poetry when most shy away!
So you mention in the description that this is a sonnet, but I'm a little afraid that that may be slightly wrong... the rhyme scheme is entirely rhyming couplets, whereas the rhyme scheme for a sonnet is, by definition, a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g. This is just something I'm pointing out about the description, certainly not a fault in the actual work.
Secondly, there are a couple of lines which I thing you might want to reword slightly. I'm not gonna talk about typos, you should be able to sort them out yourself, but with lines like "Two in love,can ever hate?" it kinda seems like you're reordering the words to make it seem more poetic or something, but it makes it a little more confusing. I would suggest instead in these instances simply ordering it normally as "Can two in love ever hate?"
Finally, when you review your work, you might want to rework some of the punctuation. As it is, the first nine lines read as a single sentence, so either separate it, or add clarifying punctuation such as ellipsis or semicolon in relative places.
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend.
Hi, there! (I'm on my phone so sorry for any errors!)
Here we goo~
There was a nice meaning behind this poem and it was very elegant and beautiful! I really like how you described in depth of love and hatred. Very interesting.
It was a little un-polished, definitely a good re-read or two to demolish all the errors and things you don't like. There were few lines I could absolutely not comprehend:
There were a few others that weren't as strong as this, but those definitely need to be cleaned up. I'm guessing they were just typos?
Also - see that second line there? The spacing is kind of off-track (as well as other spots in your poem). Make sure it's clean, smooth, and straight. The elegancy in this poem is severely taken away by these few things - typos and mini misdemeanors! Try to go back and edit these out. This will make the flow of your poem SO much smoother.
Other thing, your rhyming. Rhyming must be done in the proper way, and yours here just felt a bit too forced. This also just brought weight down on your poem. It's also so much easier (and often times more beautiful, because you can get more words in) to just NOT use rhymes. Rhymes are tricky -- so if they feel too forced, just start Over and try anew with no rhymes whatsoever! See, your rhymes 1) sometimes didn't make sense, and 2) some were so out of context! Try to not jumble up other words in your poem so it's awkward to say just because you want a rhyme (that's never a good thing to do).
Overall, this was an excellent poem! With a bit of polishing, this could be very beautiful! The meaning is this was deep and I loved how you were trying to contrast love and hatred. You did that very nicely.
As always, keep writing!
~ EternalRain
I really like how you described it! But you definitely should proofread it, I can't tell some of the things you are trying to say.
It is a little confusing at times, maybe clean it up a bit so its easier to follow.
I loved your first sentence, it really drew me in.
Overall: I think you should proofread for mistakes, stay completely on topic, be precise.
But good lead and beautiful descriptions! xoxo