She wanted freedom
She wanted freedom .Hewanted her.
He recollectedmemories. She looked forward.
He held the lovelypast. She wanted to grab the golden future.
He reminded firstmeet. She wished separation.
Everything was good,till the days changed.
Fortune is inconsistent,is what they learnt.
For her, it was an excuse to end up with him.
For him, it was a period which shall pass.
Time examined them. He passed. She cheated.
Luck changes, butmore changed her character.
Economy lowered, but more low was her morality.
He tried in vain,but she can’t be brought back.
A new guy was in her life, but he had her.
She wanted freedom. He wanted her.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
So I think the other reviewers here covered the majority of issues in the poem. I want to talk about something other than the content: the title.
I'm a big believer in original titles; for instance, lines that don't show up multiple times in the poem. That just seems obvious to me. Or, a single line or phrase that appears at the beginning/end of the piece.
Give your poem's title something that's gripping to the potential reader, gives them a taste of the content, but leaves plenty of room for them to imagine before delving into the words.
Secondly, just a reminder that 'satire' means comedy or humor. I don't think this properly fits as a category for the poem...
keep writing!
I LOVE this poem! Keep writing!
Nice try! Good poem. The only problem is spacing. You didn't give enough spacing to the words. Like for example lovely past, recollected memories etc. The mistakes are quite obvious. Just make sure you read your poem properly before putting them up for review. Other than that, it's a good poem.
Good attempt! I liked that you chose to show us thoughts from both perspectives, so it isn’t one-sided and their actions can be justified. Well done for being able to execute that.
However, I noticed that some words were not spaced out when they should be, so the phrases don’t make sense.
I’ll point them out here:
recollectedmemories > recollected memories
lovelypast > lovely past
firstmeet > first met
anexcuse > an excuse
periodwhich > period which
hepassed > he passed
butmore > but more
herlife > her life
hewanted > he wanted
Overall, I can see a lot of potential in this. Just read over your poem and edit out the errors/mistakes.
Well done, and keep writing!