z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Life a canvass of oppurtunity

by sagnik


Life is a canvass of opportunities

It was a regular day when Reeta went outfor attending her tuitions .She was not a commonly seen pedestrian , butoftener a cyclist .Reeta wasameritoriousstudent and a favourite ofmost of her teacher, pride of her parents as well. But she loved Chemistry. Shehad a perfect life which included loving parents, sweet younger brother andgood friends. However, good as well as bad time does not stay for long .Thatday Reeta was returning from tuition by cycle. She was peddling through themain road when a car tried to overtake her and in doing so accidentally knockedher down.

Receiving the news her family, shocked withgrief, went to the hospital where the guilty driver had admitted her. Hermother was sobbing aloud, “What an evil had befallen on our daughter.” Herbrother went pale with the shock .But the father did not express her grief ashe very well knew that if he fell down in sorrow then his family shall lose allhopes .The worst happened when the doctor said,” Patient had regainedconsciousness but the major part of her brain that is her cerebrumis affected. Within few weeks she may recover.Howeverit is my advice that sheshould not load her brain. I actually mean that she cannot continue studying.”Hearing this words her father’s hopes and expectations sank deep into thedarkness of gloom .The world turned upside down for him. He became speechlessand tears became a medium of communicating for days.

Within a week or two, Reeta was discharged from the hospital. Herarrival was not at all joyous as everyone hid in their heart the undeniabletruth that Reeta’s dream of being a scientist was not possible. Reeta asked herfather, “Father, can I start attending my classes from tomorrow?”

Her father gathering his voice so lost byher question said “Dear you are too weak now. Wait forsome weeks if you are fine then you may startwith your classes. “He said this looking at his feet ,making best attempt notto meet his eyes with the listenershopefulshiningeyes. She was going to say that she has totake down the notes to cope with her syllabus, but her father ceased out of hersight .However the fact could not be hidden for long .It was on a quarrel overthe issue that Reeta cannot even study at home when her brother revealed thetruth which shook Reeta from head to toe .She cannot believe what she heard.What was her fault for which she had to compensate her career and sacrifice herdreams? For days she locked herself inside her room and ceased to see publicfaces. She lost all hopes and life appeared void for her.

Reeta changed a lot after this incident .Noone could believe that a girl so cheerful and lively had turned so gloomy andin interactive .Hereyesgot thick dark lines under them and faceturned pale .Beingmost of the timesconfined in room or house she grew fatter .People began to recommendcounselling as a remedy of this case. But her father cuddling her use tosay,“God has something much better stored for you dear. Trust in him dear.” But thiswords cannot effect Reeta a bit asshe had drowned in the sea of sorrows.

One evening she was sitting by her balconyand was observing the boys playing football .Their excitement and joyousshoutswas annoying her probably becauseshe was not among those happy kids. A faint light illuminated her face and shelooked to it .It was the setting sun , in mid of the yellowish orange skydarkening into violet ,emitting the twilight .Reeta felt the scene to beattractive and tried to paint it .The splendid golden skypouring into different belts of violet fromlighter to darker belt .In the mid was the child sun adorning itself .The sunwas red and bright as if it was the apple oftree of knowledge which Eve ate .As the painting ended with bits ofblack and brown representing the birds returning to their nest ,Reeta feltthe lost calmness within her .She showed itto her parents and winning their appreciation ,giggled as before.

Time passed within. Reeta had developed anew hobby and that was painting .She use to capture every natural land scapeson easel. She painted riverbanks and rising restless waves crashing at them.Ships approaching with cargo. Fields filled with ripe golden wheat ready forharvesting. Green young rice crops on the watery fields, under the divine hueof sun. Reeta joined an artist site on the web. Impressed by her skills this siteasked her to contribute her painting in their annual exhibition .There on herpaintings gained spotlight and became a common topic of discussions in the artlovers .Her popularity spread .Soon then the site offered her scholarship tostudy in the best art college.

Reeta grew to be a successful girl not inchemistry of course but in arts. Her Elmira is filled with medals trophiescertificates and other tokens of achievement .She ran an art institute herselfand periodically arranges and exhibition which has her exclusive creations.Reeta’s family thanked God for enlightening a path of success when she had alllost her way.

By Sagnik Dey (Monday, 20 April 2015)


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94 Reviews


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Sun Jun 28, 2015 4:00 am
KatGirl wrote a review...



Your title, 'canvass' should be 'canvas'. I see that you are bunching together words that shouldn't be together, spacing periods/ending of sentences oddly(where they should not go). I think the third paragraph should be separated into two to make it more readable.

"Thatday Reeta was returning from tuition by cycle. She was peddling through themain road when a car tried to overtake her and in doing so accidentally knockedher down."

Here is just an example of how you spaced things. Here's how it should look:
"That day Reeta was returning from tuition by cycle. She was peddling through the main road when a car tried to overtake her and in doing so accidentally knocked her down." And, what do you mean by 'overtake her'? Perhaps you meant run over her.

"But her father cuddling her use tosay,“God has something much better stored for you dear. Trust in him dear.” But thiswords cannot effect Reeta a bit asshe had drowned in the sea of sorrows."

The inductory paragraph is odd. Perhaps change it to: "When her father was cuddling her, he would use to say: "God has something much better stored for you, dear. Trust in him." But these words could not affect Reeta a bit, as he had drowned in a sea of his own sorrows."




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214 Reviews


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Fri Jun 12, 2015 10:43 am
artybirdy wrote a review...



I liked the message behind your short story. It is heart touching and encourages people to not give up and lose hope. You have shown how an accident can change someone’s life forever, but you have also reminded us that life continues to go on; it doesn’t stop for anyone. People can learn to stand up from the times they have slipped and fell. I could deeply connect to your story and the emotions you tried to portray. However, there are technical problems I’d like you to focus on.

1. Some of the words need spacing. They are jumbled and don’t make sense. For example, “howeverit” should be “however it”.

2. Remember: every time a new character speaks, you should start another paragraph. For instance, in the second paragraph, her brother and the doctor speak. That’s confusing to read because we don’t know who’s talking and when.

Overall, I enjoyed reading it. I can see a lot of potential into this. Just give it an edit and it should be perfect.

Well done, and keep writing!




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Thu Jun 11, 2015 1:59 pm
cookie64 wrote a review...



Hello! My name is Cookie64 and I will be reviewing.

When reading this story, there were so many emotions that filled my heart, mind, and soul. It also touched my heart and the character that was affected, Reeta, reminded me of the younger me by going from the happy, joyous person that loved to play and socialize with everyone to a somber person. This short story also gives the reader insight on how a accident can change a person entirely. You are also great at describing key details and your thoughts at the same time. There were some grammar mistakes, but that's okay. Truth is that you're a great writer and I hope to see more of your writing. By the way, I'm so sorry for you're experience. Good day.

-Cookie64




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Thu Jun 11, 2015 1:05 pm
AdjiFlex says...



AdjiFlex here.

This is like a story I would here at church to bring inspiration. It's not about complex characters or plot twists, but it it touching, and that is its purpose I'm sure. You really need to do some editing though. I'm sure you see that the spacing is really off, and makes reading difficult. I continued to read through anyway because it was such a lovely piece.

Keep writing :)




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Tue Jun 09, 2015 7:29 pm
RandomColumns wrote a review...



This is an incredibly heart warming piece of writing; I love the way you captured her downfall in the people around her, and in how she rose back above it. Beautiful. Thank you, that has really inspired me.

Although there are a few things I would like to point out:

"butoftener a cyclist ."
I noticed that you had a problem with spacing, this might have just been the computer's mistake -if so don't worry. But this could make a bit more sense by saying 'she was more of a cyclist' or 'she cycled more often'

"listenershopefulshiningeyes"
Again there aren't any spaces in these words, but the word 'listeners' should have an apostrophe between the 'r' and the 's'; this would mean that she is listening rather that it being in plural.

"but her father ceased out of hersight"
I'm not sure what you meant by 'ceased' here.

"overthe issue that Reeta cannot even study at home when her brother revealed thetruth which shook Reeta from head to toe ."
This sentence could do with a comma between 'home' and 'when'; this would create a pause.

"annoying her probably becauseshe was not among those happy kids."
Again, this sentence could do with a comma, between 'her' and 'probably'. This would create a pause, and separate the two clauses out.

"artist site on the web."
We wouldn't really say this, we would probably say; 'artist website'.

Again this is a really great and uplifting piece of writing, the thing mentioned above are merely suggestions to improve; I really enjoyed it.

RandomColumns




sagnik says...


thank u .actually i write everything clearly on ms word. but while i copy it at the publishing center it just get that spacing faults




“Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you— Ye are many—they are few.”
— Mary Shelly