Shadow

Hey there, Rohan !!

Here is Eros again, with a review for your work !!

I must say it was a lovely piece. Loved it from my heart. I love the way you use the words wisely and very beautifully.

I read not just to read and review not just for the sake of reviewing, but I get to learn many new things on reading. And I got to learn how you have used different words conveying exact feelings upto the readers. I wouldn't say the language was very easy, but your words gave a clear idea of what is going on.

I loved the lines,

A part of me dwells in the shadow
a part of shadow lives in me.
The monsters' voices fill my head
till I set them free.

Ayooo! Aleta dropping in for a brief review on your poem. I'll start off with first impressions. The first two lines about the shadow walking slower than its owner made me think perhaps it wasn't the speaker's shadow if it isn't moving at the same pace. The second two lines mention monsters shouting, so I thought both of these things: the shadows could be actual people but in the poem they are just shadows(like people bullying this person) or simply just twisted monsters. The next four lines do well at explaining what the shadow is like and how it slithers on the sidewalk like a snake. The speaker mentions it follows around, so I was thinking this could also be a manifestation of bad thoughts or depression or taunting from the speaker's own mind. Now the speaker is referring it to their monsters, so now I'm thinking its something stemming from their head.

Now these lines really blew it out of the water: "Agents of anarchy, harbingers of chaos,
Cupid's potion carriers, heralding love and dread.
Hither and thither scamper they all
clashing and clamoring in the cesspool in my head." This was awesomely written and it brought so much to the plate. Your poem took a huge step up at this part.

So now at the ending I do see that the shadows are a manfiestation of the speaker's thoughts and they've finally come to the realization they can set those bad thoughts free, which I really like the message about this poem.

Cheers!

I like this poem. I approve of your word choice. Harbinger is an awesome word. I like the lines "A part of me dwells in the shadow a part of shadow lives in me." I think that can be true for all of us. We all have flaws and we all have some portion of darkness or secret inside of us. We also like to stay hidden sometimes, seeing but not being seen. I like how you make the shadow into a monster, as if we're trying to get away from. Like we're running from our past and our shadows just remind us of it.
I also really love the 4th stanza. Just the way everything is portrayed and the imagery is fantastic. I didn't see much need for the word "on" in the last line of stanza 1. I think it would sound smoother if you just said "the monsters keep shouting." However, if that somehow ruins the rhythm of the poem, completely disregard my comment.
I think this poem is spectacular and scarily relatable. It makes me feel as though I'm reading everyone's minds and that I can connect with strangers. This is a poem I will not forget. I'll probably end up recalling it whenever I see a shadow and wonder if this is how the person is feeling to whom the shadow belongs.

Hello, Rohan.

So the first thing I want to touch on is irregular rhyme scheme. Even though I enjoyed your rhymes while reading this, the pattern wasn't exactly regular and that kind of turned me off. The rhyme scheme goes like this (I reuse ABCD... in ever stanza):

1st. stanza: ABCD
2nd. stanza: ABCB
3rd. stanza: AABC
4th. stanza: ABCB
5th. stanza: ABCB

So the first and third stanzas are the only irregular ones, and I suggest you conform them to the ABCB stanza, unless you have a specific purpose for doing so, which I honestly don't see here. Rhyme is hard and keeping to particular rhyme scheme is harder, so writing rhyming poetry is difficult.

I enjoy your alliterations a lot. They were fun to read. Such as "slithering...screams...scary" and "agents of anarchy". The best was "clashing and clamoring in the cesspool". Ooh! So I also want to point out that the fourth stanza--with the most alliteration coincidentally?--also makes use of the most complicated words. Though I liked it, I felt as though it didn't really match with the rest of the poem. It had a little simpler style. Just to add, "Cupid's potion carriers" sounds clunky and awkward and I suggest rephrasing.

So I assume this kind of poem is about self-doubt and then YOU get rid of them. I liked the way the poem ended on a hopeful note instead of staying in angst. Just a thought experiment: try testing out different kind of metaphors instead of "shadows", which is pretty common. It is effective though. I'm not saying this poem is cliched or anything, but my "thought experiment"--food for thought.

I'm off now. Drop me a PM if you have any questions or comments and thanks for sharing this!