Do you remember falling in love?
Every when and how is a blur to me
One night I lay in bed as any other night I'd be
And I knew that the sky was not the same above
Do you remember falling asleep?
Never knew when eyes stopped seeing gleams
Nor how begun any of my dreams.
Always at the end, I know the slumber's deep.
Falling in love is like falling asleep
You think too much, and you fail
You let go of yourself, love prevail.
For a fall so beautiful, you must take a leap.
Do you remember being in a dream?
I once knew I was in one,
Jumped from a cliff and it was fun
Till I hit the ground and woke up with a scream
Do you remember being in love?
When every morning you think of her
And every day you spend together
Working hard for her smile you deserve
Being in love is like being awake,
It demands blood, sweat, and attention
None can survive with any pretension.
Love begins once the dreams break
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First off love the format! I think it’s good to acknowledge the bravery of falling in love and it’s hits home with me since I recently got over my first love and now have a great boyfriend. Anyways the comparison of love to a cliff was “poetic” for lack of a better word and touching. I feel the ending was a bit off. It killed the rhythm, but maybe you meant for it to be more cynical. The rhyme scheme was consistent and I think that skill is very hard to master. At least in my case it’s very hard to put words together that blend so flawlessly like you did. You’re an excellent writer, overall 10 outta 10!
This is as magnificent as they come. It is written with aa professional's instinct and has the ability to invoke emotions in people.
"For a fall so beautiful you must take a leap"
Ooohh, this was really well written! It's a beautiful poem but it could just as easily be the lyrics to a bittersweet ballad accompanied by a soft guitar or a solemn piano, which is a feat to accomplish.
I really liked how it's written, in verses and in parts so you're with the narrator in this reflection over love and how the narrator mixes the thoughts on love (both the good and bad and terrifying parts of it) with the comparisons with dreams, falling asleep and waking up. It's earnest but not cheap or vulgar and it really grabs the reader.
It's not too long to bore but it's long enough to tell the story and provoke thoughts.
Congratulations on a great poem!