Escape

Hey there, Rohan !!

Eros again with a review for you !!

Again, loved this piece too. Loved the way you have described the natural elements of the waves and the Sea and the silence.

The idea of the poem was superb.
Letting the sound of waves overpower the sounds of heart going on inside... Was superb.

Loved the stanza,

I'll sit till I grow weary
of the rhythm of the tides.
Till the songs become melodies,
and melodies become noises.
I'll lie down and let the noises
quieten all other thoughts

Till the songs become melodies,
and melodies become noises.

Heya, Rohan! Casanova here to do another review!

I'll try to make this one short considering it's not that bad.

Anyway, my first impression was the length. In a lot of places it seems you have filler lines. What I mean by this is that you seem to have put a few lines in that doesn't exactly put anything new into the poem.
The next thing was the style, or narration of the poem. You have a lot of,"I," statements that make the poem seem rather bland. When you're writing a poem try not to make very line or every other line,"I did," or,"I feel." and stuff like that. It gives the reader a feeling of,"Okay, so I'm supposed to feel this, but I don't feel it." And they feel that way about it because you're literally giving them everything, instead of letting them put themselves into the poem. I struggle with this myself, and it's easily corrected by playing around with different images and emotions instead of saying."I did." If you catch what I mean.
Overall the images that you do have here are good, but I do think that you could expand on them instead of focusing on the,"I's," in the poem.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron

P.S Welcome to YWS, and if you have any questions, need to talk, or anything of the sort don't hesitate to ask.

I love this piece. I can relate to feeling like you need to put a mask on to hide your inner feelings. This word choice overall was excellent! I loved the stanza that stated," I'll close my eyes and listen to the gentle beating of the heart." I feel like sometimes we never take time to sit alone and listen to the things that may seem insignificant but make you who you are. You know??

Goodness... this was soooo good. I could almost hear the sounds of the waves though I live around 6 hours from any sea. The lay out was perfect, smooth and docile yet with a brave flair. Your words that you chose were of absolute magnificence. It was like a professional had written this. Amazing. Agh! Okay so, grammar wise, no mistake that I can see. The flow of words was perfect, not too slow, not too fast. Just right. I was never bored reading this and I actually felt emotion. And I never feel emotion as strong as I did in this one. There is finesse in your words. The last stanza was my favorite.
" I'll be free again, dependent on none." I like that a lot along with the second line. Everyone has a mask, especially around people that care for us and we care for them because we don't want the to worry. When we are alone that is when we truly are ourselves, away from the naked eye. We can be vulnerable yet not broken by any one. There is something about being alone that quiets the soul and you captured that in this poem very well. Again, I say, this was amazing. I probably have never read a better poem.

Hey Hey!

How are you? Ready for a review?

So, my interpretation of this poem, which if I don't read I'll get 9 years of bad luck, apparently, is that although you say you're escaping, it feels more like your hiding. You might "escape" of the car honking and the yelling people, but, maybe, in my opinion, your hiding of someone? Your hiding because behind the honking and the yelling there is something much worse than a headache?


Punctuation: Finally, something I don't have to mention! Well done!

Structure: Looks absolutely gorgeous! (but I'm not a very good poet so maybe I could be wrong)


The last verse, "I'll put on the mask, for those who care", is a perfect way to end it. Strong and powerful. Also a little haunting. Why do you have to put on a mask? If they care about you? Why hide? Why cover yourself?

I guess we are getting a little filosofical here...hahhaha. But isn't that what poems are all about?

Overall thoughts: I really really really really like it! Thanks for writing such a lovely poem!

Love,
Lau.

Very well written. I love the imagery mixed with the expression of personal emotion/actions. You obviously have been to this place or have imagined it as somewhat of a safe haven.

I'm just going to get down to brass tax. "On the shore of weary ocean I'll sit again tonight, with only stars to gaze at." See how I added a , after tonight? Make sure that grammar is correct then add in the pauses/return key inbetween lines. This will allow you to have the poem flow a bit better for the reader. You seem to have , added in later in your poem so you know what I'm referring to. Another place to add a , would be "The waves crashing on the shore, whispering a song in my ears."

If you have any questions or want to talk don't be afraid to message me. Over all very well written, good job!

-The 14th Doctor