Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this cold night, and to help get your work out the green room.
Let's start with what I saw that can be fixed.
So here is the first thing, it's very small and a simple mistake.
Each of us affect each of us,
Okay the words in bold is what I would like to talk about. So I think they just need to be chanced to 'other' instead. It would make this line sound a little better, and give it a better flow.
The other thing that can be fixed is really easy to do.
You see all your lines are close together, and to help with the flow of the poem you can put them into paragraphs. If you tried that before then I have got a tip to do that.
What you do is this. You write then press enter then you go ... then enter again and you continue writing.
Now I would like to talk about the good things i saw in your poem.
I think it was a really good idea, I remember coming up with something similar to it and writing a poem about it. So it was cool to see one else come up with something that is almost the same.
I will have to say it was the name of the poem that got me here to read your work, it was rather and interesting choice of name. And it's rather eye catching.
I also like the little story behind your poem, it was something I can relate to, making it easier for us as the reader to connect with the emotions in the peace. I like that it had a beginning and an end.
Your punctuation and spelling was also really well done. And to flow the poem had was good to.
Well that's all from me for now, I'm really glad I got the chance to read and review this for you. I hope You will never stop writing and post again on YWS soon. I hope you have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Points: 122417
Reviews: 616
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