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Cigarette

by rohan


I burn a cigarette and quench the fire inside of me. The bitter smoke I inhale supplants the bitter feelings I accumulated throughout the day. I inhale the smoke and exhale my bitterness.



The cigarette burns rapidly at first; Full of the exuberance of youth, like a teenage boy with newfound freedom once he leaves his parents house. The pungent smoke goes in and comes out of me in a flash. There's no time to waste when I have the rich supply of the intoxicating fumes.



The first puff barges in my lungs as if they belong to it. It lets me know of the things I have been missing. The pure air, while healthy and benign, is no substitute for the pure gust of energy and calmness the smoke brings along with it. As the welcome smoke prepares to leave, it reminds me how all good things never last for long and promises to meet again.



The smoke - true to its word - came to me again. This time, without the resistance from me despite the screams from my burning throat for I was still intoxicated by its magical effects and relished in the lingering bitterness of the last puff.



The cigarette now burns slowly, as it has all the time in the world and does not care for my plans. It takes its time to burn off and I allow it to burn at its own pace. I don't even try to tame it to my needs out of respect for what it has done for me through the years we've been together. It has always served its purpose and saved me time and again from my worst enemies: it calmed my nerves when I was worried sick, it gave me clarity when my thoughts went astray, it treated my anxiety like no friend has ever done it. Most importantly, it did it all without a shred of judgement.



Lately, I've been feeling that the cigarette seems to think that I depend on it. That I "need" it to be able to function properly and extends its friendship patronisingly. Poor thing doesn't understand that I'm a user. That it is nothing but a medium through which I attain peace. I am not an addict. I can quit anytime I want.



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 The cigarette is not a cigarette


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Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:32 am
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MJTucker wrote a review...



Hey there rohan! Tuck stopping by for a short review. Let's get right into it!

The cigarette burns rapidly at first; Full of the exuberance of youth, like a teenage boy with newfound freedom once he leaves his parents house
A couple of things: Firstly, there should be a comma instead of a semicolon after "first", secondly, full should be lowercase. Thirdly, I think that the second part of this sentence should be completely rephrased to say something like "a teenager with newfound freedom after leaving his parent's house". It's less wordy and more short-and-to-the-point.

This time, without the resistance from me despite the screams from my burning throat, for I was still intoxicated by its magical effects and relished in the lingering bitterness of the last puff.
This sentence is also a little lengthy, maybe cut it down a bit?

It takes its time to burn off, and I allow it to burn at its own pace


It has always served its purpose and saved me time and again from my worst enemies: it calmed my nerves when I was worried sick, it gave me clarity when my thoughts went astray, it treated my anxiety like no friend has ever done it.
These should all be semi-colons.

The cigarette is not a cigarette
I like where this is going, but I feel like you need to add something more here? Like say "This cigarette is not a cigarette; it is this instead".

Overall Thoughts

This piece introduced an interesting perspective on smoking, a way I hadn't thought of it before, and it was very eloquently written. I loved the way your writing was so smooth and flowed very well, and I commend you for the way you were able to construct such beautiful sentences. That's not easy to do and you've done a great job with it.

However, I feel one small thing that could go a long way is if you varied your sentence structure. Using a variety of sentence lengths—some short, some medium-length, some long, and some extremely long sentences occasionally. That'll really take your writing from good to great, in my opinion.

I also liked the personal aspect of this, the way the narrator subtly tells the reader why he smokes without being too explicit about it and the denial that this is an addiction, a trait common among addicts. Those things in particular made it feel real and gave me a connection to the writer that helped draw me into the story even further.

Overall, I think what you have here is really something! As with any piece of writing, there are things that can be done to improve, but you've done an excellent job on this! I hope to read more from you in the future, and if you have questions about my review, just let me know and I'd be happy to provide clarification!

~MJTucker





I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats