Girl of Sunshine

I love how it's not too indepth, but enough to were we get good imagery. I like the use of light,sun, warmth, and hot. They're all different words. However you seem to repeat sweet a lot which gets a little over used with how short the poem is. If you changed one of the sweets in the last two lines, it would sound better. Overall though it's a good poem.

The title is great, and I love how you describe so much in so few words. The rhythm is perfect, particularly in the last few lines. (From 'upon my lips to the end', I think.) The only criticism I have is that saying 'me' twice in the first five lines sounded a little repetitive. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Keep up the good work!

Touching, graceful and powerful. But enough about me... The poem is well structured with enjambement used to convey a flow of feelings and emotions. I am grateful that the young female poets of today follow a more Romantic approach to poetry rather than a Jennings style, self-annihalation fuelled genre of poetry.

The reader speaks with a delicate passion but manages to convey something far more intimate and intense with the use of words such as 'hot' and 'golden'. I like this poem very much!

Hey there! Time to return the favor. So since I will be poking around in your portfolio quite a bit in the months to come, here's something you should know about my reviews. I don't write pages, but I will always tell you what I think works and doesn't. However, I never make suggestions (like what words to use or not use) because I feel its important for the writer to draw those parameters themselves.

So on to your poem. Everything here works for me except the flow. You start with a good three-line descending stanza, than it almost seems like line 6 and line five should be switched and there should be a break every three lines. That's not a rule of thumb, that's just how this poem seems to flow naturally, but it seems muddled because of the lack of structure.

I love the simplicity in the imagery, it leaves nothing to be desired and allows the reader to personalize the meaning. This is important in emotional pieces (poems about love or hate) because the subject matter is overused. You did a good job with that here.

Overall I really like the piece, some closer looks at the flow and stanza structure and you'll have a real winning combination.

Thanks for the read!

Hello!!
First off, I think that this was a very nice written poem. It tells the real truth. If you read every sentence by itself, it all fits together perfectly. I also love that this poem rimes. A lot of poems are very good like yours but they're even better when they rime in my opinion.

Even though I think that this poem is very good, there is some flaws. But doesn't all poems? First off like "fictional" said the now in "but they don't now there's more to looks and in the end they'll lose" should be know. But that's just a minor meaningless mistake. Also there is only periods in some sentences.

I don't like to pick on other peoples writing but I think that it is good for you to learn from your mistakes. Anyway once more your poem was very good. Like Green Tulip said " it has such a powerful emotion behind it- realization.

Hey Rheasofia!
Firstly, welcome to YWS! I hope you are having a good time
This is your first work and i must say i am in love with it.
The poem is about love and yet its not cheesy. It is easy to understand.
I loved the way you used comparison in the poem. For example :
1)A golden light that blossoms

like flowers in spring,

within me.

2)A smile, faithful as the sun

3)happiness deep as an ocean

I loved these lines of yours :

A smile, faithful as the sun

upon my lips-

undiminishing.

Great use of words and comparisons. I am absolutely in awe with your poem. I couldn't find any faults. The start, the body, the end- everything was wonderful. This poem was simple yet sweet. Oh and a nice title! It's what attracted me to the poem in the first place!
Great job! I would love to read more from you. Keep up the good work!
-- supernb

Messenger here to review for Ya!

Well this was short. A lot shorter than most poems, but you know what? It was just as good. One thing I am really impressed about, is the fact that although this is about romance and love, you didn't make it cheesy, or really mushy. It just seems like the way it should be like, loving someone.

happiness deep as an ocean

feels as if it might just pour over

and the taste of your lips

still burns hot and sweet,

the sweetest and best of new feelings.

Veery nice poem!
I particularly like the lines:
"happiness deep as an ocean
feels as if it might just pour over"
That was very nice!
Another thing I liked was the title, it caught the reader by the title, which is a very hard part of writing to achieve. So congrats.
There's one little thing that I'd suggest, and that's changing the line:
"within me." To something more... adventurous? So perhaps...:
"A golden light that blossoms
like flowers in spring,
shines/grows/ within me."
Sort of thing? But you decide, those are just suggestions.

Overall, amazing work, I love it!
-CFG