The way
the golden rays of fading sunlight
look like a butterfly
when I scrunch my eyes,
and as a bird swoops low
the sensation that I'm flying too,
A bright red poppy
I grew
myself,
the feeling of cold wind that nips
on long, bare legs.
The smell
of thousands of
worn books,
and gasping in a breath
of air, breathed by
someone other than me
because we're twined so close.
Little things that make me
feel alive, so I
hold them dear.
Soft curls
of dark, chocolaty brown
twisting round
my fingertips.
Looking in a pair of eyes
and seeing a bit of my
heart, nestled there,
for they love me so.
The color purple,
or waking with a smile
and laughing at nothing at all,
losing myself in the salty
comfort of the sea, and
feeling the sand between toes,
holding this pen in slim fingers,
and pouring out feelings galore-
why I live
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
Hello there, Subtle here for a review on review day! Awwww...that was the first sensation that came to mind as soon as I finished reading this poem. This is certainly a very very nice interpretation of love.Is a really lovely poem that bough warmth into my day, the imagery of these little things are beautiful. In this poem, you have really magnified the beauty of tiny things and what they mean to you. The feeling I get from reading this poem was one, like one of those really pleasant days and you can just lie under the tree shades and daydream. Also, your language is well-chosen as well. There are some nice words in here, that expresses what you wanted to say effectively and without redundant words. However, below. I'm going to give you a bit of advice on some grammar and style.
I think you can get rid of the 'and' before as.
The sentences I bolded, I think you should add in some more information before them as they seem a bit out of place. And a break after the last line, start a new stanza.
Make a new stanza with the line I quoted.
Still, they are just my opinion. Your poem is lovely as it is, thank you writing that, really. It brightened my day, even just a little bit. Great work!
-S.s
Wonderful poem! It's very emotional and really makes people feel warm when they read it. The downfalls of this is the layout and capitalization. You skip a line every line rather than every couple words. "and laughing at nothing at all," That's an example of how all lines should be. That's all I can really find in this poem! Again I say, I love it and it's a wonderful poem!
Hello Rhiasofia,
This is Magenta here to review the poem that you've posted on the YWS website this Review Day! I really liked this poem and I think that you should continue your poetry writing and keep these pieces circulating throughout the site so we can all se your beautiful writing. But enough with the compliments. I have some suggestions for you that I would like to point out.
"The way
the golden rays of fading sunlight
look like a butterfly
when I scrunch my eyes,
and as a bird swoops low
the sensation that I'm flying too,"
Firstly, I think that you should add some sentences in here. Your entire poem is practically a very long run on of words. I know that poetry might not need periods and such, but I think that the poem should have a few lines where the reader can pause and absorb the meaning of the words. I would also suggest having the ones correspond with one another let alone become sentences. what I mean to say is that you write out a thought, but you leave it as a fragment and continue on with another different thought. This confuses the viewer and it might ruin the flow of the sentence.
I would also suggest writing more words on one line. It seems odd sometimes when there are only two words on one line. Sometimes, the author/poet deliberately write lines with less words than the rest of the stanza or entire poem to draw attention and to emphasize that specific part. I'm not sure if some of lines are particularly doing this.
I liked the meaning of the poem and the way that you describe yourself. The way that you describe your actions sort of reflect the mood that I assume you are aiming to represent.
I think that aside from a few mistakes, this is a great bit of poetry.
~ Magenta