Of Dreaming

Wow, this is beautiful! It sounds breathless and happily desperate (if that makes sense). Even though it doesn't rhyme, it's as if I brushed my hand against a silk curtain or something. Lovely.

I have one suggestion (extra nit-picky):

my mind spinning

with the fog of dreaming.

my mind spinning

with the fog of dreams.

my mind spinning

with dreaming's fog.

Hola there, Subtle here for a review on review day! Since your poem is pretty short, this is going to be a pretty short review. I like the idea behind this poem, is an interesting one of comparing love and dreams. I like the imagery you used in this poem, is very gossamer-ish. And by that I mean, even though your language was simple, the descriptions were vivid and somewhat ethereal. Which contributed to the content, as well as the atmosphere of your poem.

Magenta has already pointed out the problem with your last three lines. And I agree with her. So, overall, nice poem! Keep on writing!

-S.s

Hello (again) Rhiasofia,

This is Magenta here to review your poem, Of Dreaming that you have submitted for us to review.
I have some comments and suggestions to make on this small, but well-thought out poem.

"Lights shimmer down
as I gasp awake,
my mind spinning
with the fog of dreaming."

I would firstly like to say that the description here is great. I like the vocabulary . Although they aren't big words that teachers encourage students to use, they are simple, yet the reader is able to grasp the meaning in a beautiful way. I would suggest, however, that you place a semi-colon in between the two fragments of the sentence so that it can be punctuated correctly. In poetry, grammatical errors are sometimes deliberate or add an inner meaning to the line, but I think that you should place a semi-colon in-between "awake" and "my" so that it is a complex sentence. I think it would look nicer. I would also suggest using a different word than "gasp" to describe the way you woke up. I would use a different adjective or description word so that it matches with the rest of the poem's flow/mood.

"You were here
in my arms, mine!
But will it ever be?"

Secondly, I would like to suggest that you change this sentence. Instead of saying "mine" as an exclamatory phrase, I would make it it's own "sentence". Or maybe even add "you were" in front of that. I would also make, "you were here in my arms a part of the first line in this area of the poem. I am also not sure whether you need to have the last line because "it" wasn't really clarified. I wasn't quite sure what you meant by this and it doesn't seem necessary. So that the poem reads like this...

"You were here in my arms.
You were mine."

I would italicize the word mine or add an ellipsis to show emphasis. However, I would suggest using italics if possible. Other than these few things, I really liked this poem!

~ Magenta

Happy Review Day! Pardon my writing here, as I'm feeling a bit wordy.

This poem provided imagery of a very peaceful, dreamy ambiance in the first line that suddenly becomes pervaded by a sense of restlessness as one wakes abruptly from a dream you liked very much. The subtle profundity that lies behind these short but sweet, simple words is just beautiful!

I like how each phrase that's still part of one sentence isn't capitalized just because it's broken up into new lines. I don't see why that can't work.

Keep up the great work - I really like your writing style!