Young Writers Society

HELLO THERE FRIEND VEER HERE TO REVIEW YOUR PIECE

first off i just wanna mention, including the title in the first line?? aesthetic.
now i want to say that i really enjoy the idea that you show dreams are not something to be controlled. dreams take many shapes and forms and have no set starting or ending, and their confusing nature is what draws us into them. you have put this on display very well here.

now i'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but this read as if it is something out of a musical. the way you repeat the title throughout the verses gives the impression that there is a recurring theme we have to come back to, which is common for any form of musical poetry. one other thing to note is how consistent the rhyme scheme was throughout. you managed to stick to a single sound and maintain it throughout which i think is very impressive.

overall, the poem doesn't need much added or removed from it. your core concept shines brightly in the way that you've presented it and i applaud your work. presenting a dream in many different forms allows us as the reader to paint pictures in our head using your words, and with that you've done an excellent job. your descriptions are vivid enough for us to channel out imaginations into seeing what you hopefully want us to see.

and with that said, i want to thank you again for sharing your work with us. i hope to read more from you in the future!

Hi there!

Wow, I love this and commend you for such a well-crafted villanelle. Working within a structure, especially that of a villanelle, can be quite a challenge and I think that, overall, you have been able to write one here that makes sense, that flows relatively well, and maintains that somewhat sing-songy characteristic that most structured poems have.

What is so striking is the imagery that you have included: dreams and the night sky. Certainly, the sky has been a human focus for centuries and speaks to that expanse of possibilities shared by dreams. You're able to maintain and expand on this imagery with other supportive words such as "ether", "stars", etc.

One aspect of this piece that might not be operating as well is the meter - typically, villanelles are written in iambic pentameter and while this is not a hard-fast rule, I tend to agree that the most successful villanelles adhere to this meter (see Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas). At points in your villanelle, there are upsets in the meter - see stanzas 3, 4, and 5). If you read the poem out loud, you will naturally be able to locate where the meter falls a little sideways and from there you can change some of the wording to achieve that lilting meter that makes a villanelle so strong.

I would really love to see how you revise this, particularly as we don't get a ton of villanelles posted on YWS. Like I said, I think you have a strong piece and with a few metric tweaks here and there, I think it could be close to perfect Let me know if you have any questions!

Thanks for a great read,
Lavvie

Hey @quitecontrary! I'm Yoshi and I'm here for your review! (By the way, I love your username )))

Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow,
Recklessly colliding with each other
In a night sky that only they know.

Dreams are trains and airplanes and night crows

That fly you on stealthy wings but brother,
Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow

Displays of love that stroke and smother:

Ooh villanelle's are so hard but you nailed this one!! I really like how versatile the line "Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow" is! <3

This is a great poem about dreams
Our dreams are whatever we want them to be
Our dreams can make us who we are or what we are
"Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow" That's a really good line
because dreams and hope always don't follow a straight path, they have curve and grow
As we move forward and change our dreams or things!