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Curve and Grow

by quitecontrary


Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow,
Recklessly colliding with each other
In a night sky that only they know.

Dreams are trains and airplanes and night crows
That fly you on stealthy wings but brother,
Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow

And don’t always lead you where you want to go.
Sometimes we meet up in that great ether,
In a night sky that only they know.

The stars form figures placed in a tableau,
Displays of love that stroke and smother:
Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow

Into the shape of your deepest fears so
It’s okay to be afraid; together,
In a night sky that only we know,

We can shape our dreams to be soft and low,
Stories that we love, one after another.
Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow
In a night sky that only they know.


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Sun Jan 31, 2021 7:45 pm
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veeren wrote a review...



HELLO THERE FRIEND VEER HERE TO REVIEW YOUR PIECE

first off i just wanna mention, including the title in the first line?? aesthetic.
now i want to say that i really enjoy the idea that you show dreams are not something to be controlled. dreams take many shapes and forms and have no set starting or ending, and their confusing nature is what draws us into them. you have put this on display very well here.

now i'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but this read as if it is something out of a musical. the way you repeat the title throughout the verses gives the impression that there is a recurring theme we have to come back to, which is common for any form of musical poetry. one other thing to note is how consistent the rhyme scheme was throughout. you managed to stick to a single sound and maintain it throughout which i think is very impressive.

overall, the poem doesn't need much added or removed from it. your core concept shines brightly in the way that you've presented it and i applaud your work. presenting a dream in many different forms allows us as the reader to paint pictures in our head using your words, and with that you've done an excellent job. your descriptions are vivid enough for us to channel out imaginations into seeing what you hopefully want us to see.

and with that said, i want to thank you again for sharing your work with us. i hope to read more from you in the future!




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Sun Jan 31, 2021 7:29 pm
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Lavvie wrote a review...



Hi there!

Wow, I love this and commend you for such a well-crafted villanelle. Working within a structure, especially that of a villanelle, can be quite a challenge and I think that, overall, you have been able to write one here that makes sense, that flows relatively well, and maintains that somewhat sing-songy characteristic that most structured poems have.

What is so striking is the imagery that you have included: dreams and the night sky. Certainly, the sky has been a human focus for centuries and speaks to that expanse of possibilities shared by dreams. You're able to maintain and expand on this imagery with other supportive words such as "ether", "stars", etc.

One aspect of this piece that might not be operating as well is the meter - typically, villanelles are written in iambic pentameter and while this is not a hard-fast rule, I tend to agree that the most successful villanelles adhere to this meter (see Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas). At points in your villanelle, there are upsets in the meter - see stanzas 3, 4, and 5). If you read the poem out loud, you will naturally be able to locate where the meter falls a little sideways and from there you can change some of the wording to achieve that lilting meter that makes a villanelle so strong.

I would really love to see how you revise this, particularly as we don't get a ton of villanelles posted on YWS. Like I said, I think you have a strong piece and with a few metric tweaks here and there, I think it could be close to perfect ;) Let me know if you have any questions!

Thanks for a great read,
Lavvie






Thank you for your review! I got caught up in the rhyme scheme because "other" is a very hard word to rhyme, but I'll definitely take another look at meter!



Lavvie says...


hmmm, that's a good point! have you considered near rhymes? for example, you could maybe use a word like "father" to rhyme with other, etc.





I'm still looking through it all, but I'll keep that in mind if I need to change a stanza. I think 3 is the big problem when it comes to meter, so I focus on making the flow smoother in that one.



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Sun Jan 31, 2021 2:14 am
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Yoshikrab wrote a review...



Hey @quitecontrary! I'm Yoshi and I'm here for your review! (By the way, I love your username :))))

Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow,
Recklessly colliding with each other
In a night sky that only they know.


T0T this is such a beautiful stanza!!!!!!

Dreams are trains and airplanes and night crows


Usually, the use of a double "and" like this is not that great, but in this situation it is whole-heartedly encouraged! Great job!

That fly you on stealthy wings but brother,
Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow


I don't really understand this part. Is "brother" the object of the line? Is the narrator talking to "brother" or am I misinterpreting it. If "brother" IS the object, then there needs to be a comma before it. Also, I'm feeling pretty good about your vagueness right now. Just remember that you don't want to get too vague or it'll confuse the reader and leave them disappointed.

The rest of this poem is pretty great, especially this line--

Displays of love that stroke and smother:


Your word choice is perfect here.

Also, your use of characterization and metaphorism is also very advanced and gives a professional feeling to your work. Great job! I have nothing else to say about this wonderful poem!

Cheers and Eggs!

-yoshi






Thank you for your review! As for "brother", I was trying to make it sound breathless, like you read the line in one breath instead of pausing to introduce a new subject.



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Thu Jan 28, 2021 2:45 am
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whatchamacallit says...



Ooh villanelle's are so hard but you nailed this one!! I really like how versatile the line "Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow" is! <3




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Wed Jan 27, 2021 5:37 pm
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forgottenparadise wrote a review...



This is a great poem about dreams
Our dreams are whatever we want them to be
Our dreams can make us who we are or what we are
"Dreams don’t follow straight paths. They curve and grow" That's a really good line
because dreams and hope always don't follow a straight path, they have curve and grow
As we move forward and change our dreams or things!





Memento homo, quia pulvis es et in pulverem reverteris (Remember, man, that you are dust, and you will return to dust)
— Genesis 3:19