There’s a lot I don’t quite understand, but I like the imagery and the paradoxes in the 4th stanza.
Fizzy earth drowns and gorges me
as I collapse on new green grass.
The stars are sleeping bees in limbo
and the emptiness between them
is a lovely quilted window.
My heartbeat's grafted on your scratchy skin
and your slow growth comforts my lungs.
Space has crowned me queen
along with every other peeping violet
and stunning blade of green.
Moments escape reality
as I tread on your hospitality;
agree with me, just for a while,
and the stars in your eyes
will twinkle--false crocodile.
To both be so full of shallow
and overflowing with hollow air;
you can't help but think 'useless,'
and I'd halfway agree if my heart
wasn't making room for tripling kindness.
We'll twirl dandelion chains,
talk of beauty and vain glory,
but your open door is rarely
your only barrier, and the tea granted
has been steeped just barely.
Warm hospitality cures me
of my scuba-diving mind.
Fishy thoughts drawn back to the light
(though rainbow-hued by nature)
no longer have a current to fight.
There’s a lot I don’t quite understand, but I like the imagery and the paradoxes in the 4th stanza.
Hiya quitecontrary!
The first thing that hit me when reading this poem was the richness of the imagery. Even the first line starts off very strong with these intense, extreme action verbs. The second thing was the regularities in structure that helped tie everything together and give it a unique rhythm.
Subject/Narrative
I interpreted this poem as being about one person finding respite in another, but that this respite is somehow either temporary or not entirely sincere.
The first stanza depicts the speaker’s mood, which I’d maybe describe as a relief from exhaustion. The “lovely quilted window” makes it seem as though they find comfort in being consumed by the earth, maybe because they’re so tired it’s a relief to be supported by anything at all.
The second stanza introduces an addressee, the “you” in the poem who is the one comforting the speaker. I thought this was a good introduction of the addressee; it felt very smooth and flowed naturally from the first stanza, and the line “and . . . lungs” spoke volumes about who this person is to the speaker.
From the third stanza onwards, I detected some foreshadowing that things are not all as they seem with the addressee. The phrase “just for a while” and the image of the “false crocodile” made me feel that the addressee’s apparent kindness was deceptive in nature. As a side note about structure, I also loved that these two were end-rhymes with each other (in accordance with the pattern of the rest of the poem), as the rhymes here seem to emphasise the connection between them. I interpreted this as showing the speaker’s awareness of how temporary this bliss is going to be, almost. Following that, the fourth stanza seems to suggest differences in opinion between speaker and addressee in the “uselessness” of what they are doing.
and I'd halfway agree if my heart
wasn't making room for tripling kindness.
We'll twirl dandelion chains,
talk of beauty and vain glory,
Hey there! Plume here, with a review! This piece has been in the green room for a bit, so I thought I'd give it a review to bump it out! It's been a while since I reviewed poetry, so hopefully something in here will be helpful!
I liked this poem! I think there were a lot of great things about it. I thought your rhyme scheme was super interesting, rhyming only the 3rd and 5th lines of every stanza; it was unique, and gave your poem this sort of... character. I really liked it, is what I'm trying to say.
One thing I think you also did well was your imagery. I especially loved the last stanza as well as when you said "Space has crowned me queen/along with every other peeping violet/and stunning blade of green." That's one thing I always struggle with, so the way you're able to do it so effortlessly is gorgeous. Every word feels intentionally placed, and it's really masterful.
I also thought the message was very interesting! I'm not the best at interpreting poetry, but to me, I got the kind of vibe that this was kind of like a reprieve from a lot of trying times in the world, but also that the hospitality got strained after a while. I thought it was a super interesting feeling to encapsulate, but I think it really works nicely!
Specifics
To both be so full of shallow
Hi quitecontrary,
Maiilce back for a quick review!
I'm still not an expert at rating and reviewing poetry. So hope I haven't totally lost my way here.
But what I always like is when you have to pause, and think about what the poet is trying to say. What are the feelings hiding behind the words? What emotions are hidden behind the cheerful terms?
When I read it for the first time, I felt a pleasant, relaxed tension that ends, the further you let yourself be drawn into it, in a kind of weltschmerz (here I had to look it up twice because I wasn't sure that this word is really written like that in English.).
Fishy thoughts drawn back to the light
(though rainbow-hued by nature)
no longer have a current to fight
The stars are sleeping bees in limbo
and the emptiness between them
is a lovely quilted window.
agree with me, just for a while,
Don't worry, your review really helped me and I love listening to other people's interpretationsI'm still not an expert at rating and reviewing poetry. So hope I haven't totally lost my way here.
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