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Apologies

by quitecontrary


When love is fickle and the sun has set
On old attachments innocent and true;
When farewells seem like cruel harrows of debt,
And goodbyes reap the stinging bite of blue;
An empty knife cleaves wounds in grave young hearts
That bleed profusely in the low-lit night,
And leave a trail of scarlet stains turned dark
With jealous passion and unchancy fright.
One remedy stands tall in stark distaste;
To either side it makes its time true claim
Of sorrows healed in moonlit shadows chaste
Forgiveness of sharp lies: an end to shame

If such a cure can dry eyes teared starry
Then why is it so hard to say sorry?


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145 Reviews


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Reviews: 145

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Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:37 am
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi, quitecontrary, I'm here to drop off a review.
I want to say this before I begin nitpicking: it's a wonderful, lyrical poem that really struck me. You certainly have a flair for writing, and I admire you for it.

When farewells seem like cruel harrows of debt

While the imagery is excellent, it isn't all that good for conveying meaning. It rubbed off as too vague to me, and I think you could have portrayed it in a better way.

And goodbyes reap the stinging bite of blue;

Ooh, very nice.

That bleed profusely in the low-lit night

I really love how this connects with the first line in regard to love and lighting/time.

unchancy fright.

This just felt a little... meh. It didn't have quite the flair the rest of your poem does.

To either side it makes its time true claim
Of sorrows healed in moonlit shadows chaste
Forgiveness of sharp lies: an end to shame

This whole thing is, essentially, one long, draggy sentence. I would suggest breaking it and using punctuation. I think there has to be a fullstop after "chaste", in any case, and after "shame".

If such a cure can dry eyes teared starry
Then why is it so hard to say sorry?

What a lyrical, lovely ending to an equally good poem.

Your imagery, diction, sounds... Everything is spot on. Brilliant work, in my opinion. I hope you keep writing poetry of this calibre!

- Lee




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Tue Jun 30, 2020 5:33 am
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Gravitem wrote a review...



Hey! I'm here with short review!

Overall, this poem had some good meaning and some nice metaphors. I didn't see any grammatical errors, so nothing to comment on there. I did want to point out however, that there was a break of flow in just one part.

When love is fickle and the sun has set
On old attachments innocent and true;
When farewells seem like cruel harrows of debt,
And goodbyes reap the stinging bite of blue;
An empty knife cleaves wounds in grave young hearts
That bleed profusely in the low-lit night,
And leave a trail of scarlet stains turned dark


That metaphor in the fifth stanza is just beautiful, and it continues! On to the sixth stanza, and then to the seventh and till the very end. I feel that, the knife is the vilest of weapons and the action of stabbing is the cruelest of deeds. I think this is so because of the pain from a pierce, you know? It's just as sharp as a cry.

Some of my favourite lines from the poem were:

An empty knife cleaves wounds in grave young hearts
That bleed profusely in the low-lit night


Well, I mentioned this already but I'm afraid I'm in love with this poem.

leave a trail of scarlet stains turned dark

This image. It's just a solid symbol of just how ripe time. We wait for it to ripen, only to realize that we're waiting for something else to ripen, and that time was always ripe and now it isn't in our hands anymore.

One thing I'd like to point out about the end;-
If such a cure can dry eyes teared starry
Then why is it so hard to say sorry?


Though this last stanza works perfectly with the title and the theme, it feels like it was a little forced into place for the sake of rhyme and it just doesn't go well. You could maybe change just that bit? It's up to you, since there's nothing really wrong with it.

That's pretty much it. Have a nice day!

Yours sincerely,
Myth :D




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Mon Jun 29, 2020 11:48 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hello there,

I have a lot of experience with sonnets, so I think I'm your girl in this. I may be harsh in this review, tell me if I am. Here we go,

Capitalization every line of a poem is a sign of amateur writing in the poetry genre, so I'd capitalize beginning of every sentence. You do a good job with punctuation like periods, but some places run on quite a bit in a few areas of the stanzas, which should be broken up because a lack of punctuation is, again, a sign of newness to writing poetry. That also makes me bring up another thing.

The formatting, or well lack of, is all over the place. It should be in stanzas of 4,4,4, and 2 respectfully. A block of words is not something a reviewer would like to pick apart because of how it looks, which is large. Formatting is hard, so it can take some time to find the one way that works. I am also victim to many formatting horror stories, don't sweat it because it totally happens sometimes.

I have no idea on how to do iambic pentameter right, so I cannot give any tips or criticism there. I do know that it is quite difficult, but that is all I have learned. I think a quick search on Google can explain it more than I can, or another user that understands. I am sure they'll find this, so that most likely will be talked about.

Onto the overall message of this poem, it's about love, which is very common among writers because it is a wide feeling that some people feel. It is also on the topic of heartbreak in many ways like the jealousy reference. You portrayed everything is a tidy way and it looks organized. I also find the rhymes to rhyme, which is needed in a sonnet, so another thing I like about this poem.

I think this is pretty good, but there are some places it could improve. If this is your first sonnet, it's good for being new as this style is harder. If it's not, still okay because, as I said, it's very hard.

Have a good day,
Haley.






Hi Haley and thanks for the review! As for the formatting, I was writing this on my phone and couldn't group the stanzas well. Usually when I look up images of Shakespearean sonnets, though, only the last two lines are set apart from the rest of the poem. I personally prefer to follow that same format, but I can understand wanting to separate the stanzas. I also prefer capitalizing the beginning letter of each stanza for uniformity. I haven't written a lot of sonnets so thank you for your comments!




The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star