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Ukel

by DivergentDemigod


I could never get enough of this stuff, I thought as I landed on my prey. Just thinking about the velvety texture and the warmth of it caused my mouth to water. I tried to keep a low profile here and not be too noticible and considering the fact that I was really small -and when I say small I mean really tiny just an inch or so- it was no big deal , but some people tend to grow a sixth sense whenever I got near them, so I couldn't ever let my guard down . But luckily this guy or is it a girl? I don't know or really care, though I would bet my money that this one is a guy, seemed too lazy and too engrossed in whatever TV program he was watching, to pay any attention to me.

I loved such lazy-i-dont-give-a-shit-if-you-drink-my-blood type of people. These people generate more than 8 liters of blood everyday, and if we creatures take a bit out of their body they wouldn't die, right? The worst they will get out of it is a red puffy spot on their skin. And those spots ain't really nasty, so whats the problem? Seriously I will never understand these humans and their hatred towards my kind!

Speaking of my kind, I sort of forgot to give u guys an introduction, forgive my bluntness here. But anyway, I'm Ukel (weird name I know), I'm a mosquito (shocked? are we?) and not to brag, but am one of the best hunter/blood sucker (whatever u wanna call it) out there.

I have tasted the blood of more humans than you could ever count, famous people included -John Green being my personal favourite by far - and currently I live in downtown New York, though I plan on shifting soon.

My biggest dream- you wouldnt believe me- is to taste the blood of Barack Obama, that guy seems pretty cool to me , I mean he could declare a nuclear war over any country if he wanted to. I know its silly and useless, epically useless since I can feed myself just as well by drinking from normal lazy people who don't mind me having their blood for breakfast , but hey a mosquito can dream right? And anyways normal is boring! who wants normal? it is no fun!

I was just finishing sucking my dinner, when my dear prey shocked me with his actions.

Apparently this guy who just two second ago had been watching TV got tired and planned to lay on the couch, and considering the position I currently was in, I was sure to be crushed if I did not get out of here in the next 3 miliseconds! And consedering that i'm super fast and smart and awesome and just a mosquito prodigy, that would not have been a problem if -yes there is an if- my mouth did not get STUCK in his skin!

Hey now, do not give me that look! every mosquito has to face that problem once in a while.Okay? why the hell am I even trying to explain this to you...uh!

God help me! or I'm gonna die! I do not want to die right now I'm not married, hell I dont even have a girlfriend! Please god please! I began praying to whatever god listened to us mosquitoes.

I had like 7 ultra-milli second of my life left! 4...2.8...1

And just when I was sure I was gonna die "ding-dong" the door-bell rang.

Ever heard of the phrase "saved by the bell"? no? well that's what literally happened to me right now .

Never in my life have I been happier to hear a bell! not even when I was in high-school, and saying that is a lot.

After about 1 minute or so of hard work I was finally able to seprate my mouth from his skin. Feeling the air on my mouth has never felt so good.

Well well, seems like god wanted me to live, now I can go back to my life and find my self a girl. Yay! I'm alive!

With these thoughts still running at the speed of 20mph in my mind I flied back home and to safety.


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Sun Jul 24, 2016 12:27 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

lazy-i-dont-give-a-shit-if-you-drink-my-blood
Okay so I thought the swearing was really unnecessary and you could have gotten the same affect with (hoot) or something like that in place of the swearword. Also if you're going to keep it then you need to put a language warning on this piece.

Grammar and Punctuation

and not be too noticible and considering the fact
(noticible) should be (noticeable).

so whats the problem? Seriously
(whats) needs to be (what's)

dream- you wouldnt believe me- is to taste
(wouldnt) needs to be (wouldn't).

out of here in the next 3 miliseconds!
(miliseconds) should be (milliseconds).

And consedering that i'm super fast
(consedering) should be (considering). (i'm) should be (I'm). There are a few other places where you missed capitals.

hell I dont even have a girlfriend
(dont) needs to be (don't).

was finally able to seprate my mouth from
(seprate) should be (separate).

Overall thoughts

Story plot: Okay so while this was a very simple story plot, you told it from a very creative angle. I'd never have thought of telling a story from a mosquito's point of view. (I still hate them though) This was an overall quite funny piece with a very creative twist. :D

Characters: There was only one character; Ukel. You described his personality fairly well through his thoughts. That bit about his life dream was really funny. I am also glad that you didn't instantly tell me that he was a mosquito. You kind of left me to figure that out for a little while before you told me. :D

Description: You're description was fairly okay though I don't think this was the right story for a lot of description. You describe Ukel's feelings for the most part and not his surroundings. I thought this was best since I don't really want to be focused on the surroundings at the moment. :D

Title: While I thought this title was a bit boring, I can see why you made it like that. Any other title probably would have given the whole mosquito thing way. :D

Overall this was a great story and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D




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Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:53 pm
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dogsrule5 says...



Hey Dogs here to give a comment!

I really liked your story! It was so creative, and I wouldn't have never thought to write in such an interesting perspective!

I liked that about this, it was very interesting.

I found this pretty funny!

I enjoyed reading it!

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs!






thanx !
Spoiler! :
n plz dont forget to hit the like button if u enjoyed it :)



dogsrule5 says...


Okay, and no problem

~Dogs



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Thu Jul 14, 2016 12:48 pm
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JuliasSneezer wrote a review...



Hey there, DivergentDemigod!
This was actually pretty good! Not to mention funny. I really liked how you wrote this story from an interesting point of perspective. I never would have thought to write a story like that. I envy your creativity. Perhaps if you toned down the swear words a slight bit, (you don't have to, I don't mind swear words, just a slight suggestion!)

I like the way that you included the mosquitoe's little hopes and dreams. Some mosquitoes do want girlfriends! And some aspire to suck the blood of celebrities! You write it like it's the most apparent thing in the world, and I think that's amazing. Keep writing! :D






thanx!
Spoiler! :
n dont forget to hit the like button up there :)





That I won't! :D



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Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:17 pm
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writerkitty wrote a review...



Hello there, DivergentDemigod!

First of all, thank you for making me laugh! I was having a pretty stressful day and this story was just what I needed! :D

Haha, I never thought about writing a short using the POV of a mosquito! You have one creative mind, my friend!
This mosquitoes tone made me laugh! I pictured a teeny little mosquito giving out a lecture about his life and his dreams, that was pretty fun to listen to!

I really don't know how you come up with such creative ideas! And the humor, wow! I'm out of words!

However, my favorite part was when he was about to die. (I mean it wouldn't be my favorite part if he actually died, so don't think I'm mean! :P)

God help me! or I'm gonna die! I do not want to die right now I'm not married, hell I dont even have a girlfriend! Please god please! I began praying to whatever god listened to us mosquitoes.

This part really cracked my up big time! Oh, and one small nitpick I think it's best if you place a comma between please and god

Overall this is an awesome story, and I can't wait to read more,
never stop writing and have an awesome day!
writerkitty






Thanx kitty :)



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Thu Jun 09, 2016 5:29 am
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Eros wrote a review...



Heyaa, my friend!!

Here I am to write a review for this amzingly awesome stuff!!

I enjoyed reading Ukel. It is the autobiography of a mosquito. AWESOME writing!
I was, eh, captivated by the fantastic idea that even a mosquito has a girlfriend!
And yaay, I enjoye your struggle to free yourself from the terrible death due to suffocation and freeing yourself from the de-oxygenated conitions.
FANTASTIC!
AWESOME!!
WONDERFUL!!!

*stares speechlessly, awe-struck-ness glaring in my eyes, and heart beats screaming: WWOOOWW what a great work!!!! *
A smallish nit-pickish thingish:

I have tasted the blood of more humans than you could ever count, famous people included -John Green being my personal favourite by far - and currently I live in downtown New York, though I plan on shifting soon.

Well, in my opinion, so many would sound better.
Rest as far as I can see there is no flaw as such.

Amazed by your style of writing... Very very very well done, not from the bottom of my hearts...
Well, don't think me cruel and let me complete the sentence, ...but from the heart beats of my heart!!

Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such beautiful, and sweet works like this one.
Have a great day!
:D






Thanx E!



Eros says...


WelC!! :D



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Wed Jun 08, 2016 3:09 pm
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SacredPen wrote a review...



This is going to suck. Literally."- Helena Masodis, A Trip to the Woods, 2015

This is actually one of the funniest things I've read in a while, transcripts from Jontron videos excluded. It's creative, original, and frankly better than anything I could write for the life of me. The only qualm I have about it is the fact that there are several grammar and spelling issues present that the more offensive side of my brain just loves to point out and scream "RED LINE!" about. It's alright, though, as the content matter and story is more important than how it's articulated- after all, I'm sure anyone could easily tell what you wanted to say, regardless of the errors. Good job, man, and just keep up the good work!






Thanx bro :-p





Thanx bro :-p



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Sun Jun 05, 2016 6:29 pm
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Remington38 wrote a review...



Hello! This piece was ver well written and I found it really funny. I envy writers with your capabilities for writing funny things. I love all of the references in it. Going back and reading it a second time was even better finding all of he little funny hints about the character being a mosquito. The attitude of the character brings the story together. This was so great and amusing for everyone.






Thanx!!!

Spoiler! :
plz hit the like button if u liked it???



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Sun Jun 05, 2016 6:15 pm
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BasicWaffle wrote a review...



Hey!

I loved this it was adorable. This was a really creative idea and you wrote it very well. I really enjoyed the line "My biggest dream- you wouldnt believe me- is to taste the blood of Barak Obama" It was a really funny line I cracked up laughing.

There were two small grammar mistakes. You spelled Barack Obama wrong. You spelled Barak by accident. Also when you say ain't in the third paragraph you forgot the apostrophe. Other than that I saw no other mistakes.

Overall, I really enjoyed this cute little story and I am glad I read it. I can't wait to read and review more of your work.

P.S sorry for the short review

Goodbye, have a nice day!

-BasicWaffle






Thanks! I fixed all the errors u pointed!
Spoiler! :
and plz hit the like button if u really enjoyed it????




Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li