Young Writers Society

Chilow for a review

AllisonArgent and I apparently had the same reaction before we got to the end xD I was thinking to myself; "Did they put this under 'Humor' for the ironic value? I don't understa-..... Ah. How clever."

Seriously though, this was marvelously well written for what it was written about. I couldn't help but think that you are an incredible emotive writer, and to think that this was for such a lighthearted subject !!!

I don't think much can be said (at least not by me) that could improve or offer advice on this, so I'll keep it simple from here on out

Before I reach the end of this, when the humour becomes readily apparent, your structure is still quite smooth and easy on the eyes and mind. Would I be wrong in assuming that this poem is actually mainly from the POV of "Ms. Bloomwood's" hair itself? That truly would be the icing on the cake xD

Anyways, sorry for this review-that-doesn't-really-review-very-well, but hey, I tried Keep up the great writing and know that I will be looking forwards to reading more of your work! Cheers

I was like reading the poem."Oh it's too emotional.." and then boomm..."Ms. Bloomwood"

"Yes?"

"Your hair is done. Perfectly curled ,

trimmed and dyed."

"Thank you"

Never expected that.
for the scientific fact our hair is actually kinda dead.
there was a few mistakes like 'seize' I mean I even get confused sometimes with words.
well it was a good one.

That was pretty funny haha.

But does getting your hair cut ever really hurt this bad?

Also the only kind of clutch I know is a car clutch. Maybe different cultures?

And if someone was crying in agony for a barber to stop, I think they would stop haha.

So a few none hair related things but overall I thought it was pretty good.

Hello there!

This poem is so funny. I was a little concerned until I got to the end, but then I couldn't help but laugh. I do have some tips for you, though!

and a clutch in another

Even though I know you won't seize to hurt me

You snithe me, pulling my limbs one by one.

You hurt me, made my soul weep

Lol, this is cute. I like the twist at the end.

I think you could probably say "How's it look?" instead of "Your hair is done" since that's more of what I recall them saying, but I think it's a good introduction. I think it really does a great job of changing your perspective when you finish reading it. I actually went back and read it again because of that, so great job!

Aside from what I said up in the paragraph above about what words you used to announce it's done, I think you could work on "limb from limb" because that's not really a hair term so it doesn't match. It made me wonder if it was a spider when I was going through it and I don't really like it after learning the twist. Maybe section or part would do better. "Pulling my parts" could work there I think and you would get the same feel above the break.

"snithe" isn't really a word we use, and I don't really understand the definition of it to begin with, so I'd suggest changing that word. Also "cease" not "seize" The difference is that to cease is to stop, and to seize is to grab. You could probably use cut, or slice where you have snithe. Either that or you can go back to the burning I suppose. Either way when I looked that word up with google, it came up with descriptions of wind, like the cutting of wind, not cutting in general. It's a weather word.

All in all, you did a really good job with this poem. I liked it a lot. I think some of your word choice needs to be replaced, but otherwise, the poem is good. Keep writing!