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Young Writers Society



I like nature, better than maths.

by DivergentDemigod


I look at all the beauties of nature.

The birds chirping,

flying freely in the sky.

The sun shining brightly.

Everything out there seems to be calling out to me.

*

The blue of the sky seems to be calling me

The green trees shouting my name.

The tender rays of the sun 

seems to be challenging me to join it outside.

*

I notice the smallest details out there

How the light breeze seems to be brushing the leaves ever so slightly

As if embracing them, with a soft kiss.

I see the gardener who seems to be lost in thought

while watering the honey-suckles and the rose bush.

I bet, he might be thinking of how his hard work has finally shown

the results in the form of a beautiful garden.

*

Seeing all this brings a smile upon my face,

And I can practically hear the twinkle in my eyes

With nature is where I feel home

Among them is where I'm most alive.

I just wish I could spend more time with it.

It really would be wonderful if I could just go out there 

and lay down with the sun shining in my face 

while the soft buzz of insects sings me to sleep.

~

"Simon! Simon! SIMON ALEXANDER BLACK!"

I'm rudely broken out of my dream 

By someone shouting my name.

"Mr. Black you have been detained, third time this weak might I add,

for not paying attention in class"


Oh well, what can I say?

I like nature better than maths.

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User avatar
77 Reviews

Points: 58
Reviews: 77

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Fri Aug 19, 2016 4:05 pm
RadiantShadow wrote a review...



Hey you :) I am here to give you a review.
I am going to tackle each stanza individually.


The first stanza:
I suggest that the first line does not end with a full stop but with a colon (:) because the following lines described what the beauty of nature is. Also anther thing is the lines are not really evenly written as in the number of syllables in each line do not match and thus make it a bit rushed when reading out loud.

The second stanza:
My personal favourite. I love the words chosen and the imagery created.

As for the other stanzas there are similar irregular syllables and no evident rhyme but that is ok anyways. I enjoyed it as it was very free flowing and its so relatable xD

keep writing!
~RS




User avatar
60 Reviews

Points: 34
Reviews: 60

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Fri Aug 19, 2016 12:49 pm
AllisonArgent wrote a review...



Hey phangirl, it's Alex D here for a review.
I myself 'used' to hate math and I love humor. I used to feel like this too when I was in math class but I got to say I enjoy math right now. It got interesting from 9th grade. It was harder but still interesting but I didn't drop my love for nature. I like your style of conveying things, hoe simple yet complicated you make it seem. There were places were I felt like I was loosing the flow for eg. "I notice the smallest details out there" you could have avoided the two words " smallest details" it just seemed like you were forced to look at the small details or maybe it's just me." the results in the form of a beautiful garden" you could have used some other word to describe 'garden' something strong like 'hortus' or something... u just keep it up.






Hey thanx! I appreciate you review :)





no probs.:)




The only person I know for certain I am better than is the person I used to be.
— CandyWizard