Once upon a time,
along back ago
there was a kingdom named "face"- a beautiful regime.
A place which never ceased to amaze any onlooker.
With silky smooth land,
and a spring bath -"the mouth"- to a little bit south of a mountain called "nose",
that arose somewhere in the middle of the face.
People would always look at its beauty in a daze.
*
Everything was peaceful.
People lived happily.
There was no financial problem.
People lived in empathy and harmony,
until one day a wicked ruler named "puberty" hit it,
And crushed the dream-like land bit by bit.
This foreign country had
some really powerful and evil weapons hidden,
these were called "pimples" and "acne".
*
These two together,
could destroy a land forever.
When used in the right amount and time,
could turn beauty into a chaos overnight.
It had the same effect on face.
It turned the land
which was considered the symbol of love and empathy
into a miserable land of "bruises" and "pain",
without any sympathy.
*
In just a matter of seconds
the silky smooth land of this regime
was destroyed beyond repair.
The love and harmony of this place long forgotten.
It now had everything but peace.
The once pretty land now had
reddish white angry pores
and blackish freckled spots.
*
The kingdom was so epically destroyed
that no amount of reaping and sowing could ever bring it back.
The reign of "puberty"
could be -for the lack of better word-
considered as "the reign of terror."
Everyone living in it was now thoroughly disturbed,
and no amount of nursing and caring of it,
could ever turn the kingdom back to what it originally was.
*
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Happy Review Day!
I like what you did with this, its very humorous.
You did stumble a bit with the metaphor of 'face' being a country. 'That arose somewhere is the middle of the face'. - remove 'the' and maybe give face a capital letter?
Also 'Along back ago' - do you mean 'A long time ago'?
I think you should change the ending. You've made it out like there is no hope after puberty when I can safely say is not the case. Puberty is a horrible time, but it passes. Spots clear up and everything sorts itself out. I think you could add more to this, maybe after a terrible war, the people of Face are victorious and drive puberty away. Then after time and effort, the land of Face blossomed into something even more beautiful.
That would be a more accurate metaphor of puberty.
Anyway, this was a really fun read
JessiMoon here for a review!
I saw this was in the green box, AND had something to do with puberty. They are two of my favorite things.
Writing about puberty is always comical because everyone can relate somehow or another. So many people don't write about it because they think it is too hard to write, that no one will enjoy it. But, the truth is, everyone will like it. (I think I just said that).
The only real, quote on quote, complaint I have is the ending. Usually a humorous poem ends with some kind of. . . humor . Maybe instead of just talking about how ". . . no amount of nursing or caring of it, could ever turn the kingdom back to what it originally was", maybe add another comical stanza that talks about what the people tried to do. That would then leave the poem on a lighthearted note instead of a hopeless kind of feel.
Just food for thought!
Happy Writing!! <3