sing me to sleep

Hello! Here to review your work!

I just want to say, this is a really amazing poem. From the title, I was hooked. I want more, no I think I need more. Either it's real or not, but it provides a great visual. I can see everything happening, and it's not hard to imagine it. I'm sure it's because of how you described things, which was beautiful by the way.

"waiting for a light in the dark,

but you were just a match

that’s all you’ll ever be

i wish you would have just

lit the candle of hope to light me

through the tunnel of depression

but instead you started a fire

my depression was your accelerant

and you’ve burned up"

This part literally had me. I really can't explain but this part was amazing. The fact that you reflect the abuse of words as your narrator (or you?) as darkness waiting for the light, and the hope that he was your light. It really caught me, it really gave me all the emotion the narrator was feeling (or you?).

As for grammar or critizium -- there is none. You did an amazing job! I will be reading more of your poetry or writings.

Once again, amazing job!

_ Fromm your friend,
@PlainandSimple _

Hey there!
I just went through your work and I loved it. I could feel a lot of suppressed emotions in there trying to come out. The internal conflicts that the protagonist has and how he is trying to connect all the dots to point out how the other person is the one to be blamed for all the distress and pain caused in his life. The very first three lines really caught my eyes and I got a strong feeling about your poem. I liked how you kept your lines short and clear. I guess you avoided capitalization intentionally, it worked just fine for me.

I did find some little mistakes in the way.
but that wasn’t it at all
and you knew that
you’ve always know that

It should be 'known' in the last line instead of 'know'.

you stripped me of my happiness
one fucking piece at a time
when is enough?
This last line doesn't sound right to me. May be replace it with 'isn't that enough'
Anyway,it is just what I think. No hard feelings.

I saw you had a little issue with your formatting. You wanted to break it up into stanzas but it ended up in a one long chain of train. I too faced this problem once. (You can add single spaced lines in YWS publishing center by holding Shift and Enter.)

Overall,you have done a very wonderful work here. Hope to read more from you.
Have a good time here

Hi nykolasandrews!

So I have read your new format, and it is easier to follow than the first one (of course, that is why you put the second one up, right? ).

A few things to say about this poem. First is I love how you structure this, short and succinct. I get what you are talking about on the first read, and this brings us to the second point. I feel like you could go deeper with this, and while succinctness is good, it can also deprive your poem with depth. For instance with this one:

"now the fire’s been contained inside me
no way to exit,
but it can’t get worse, right?

now there’s no oxygen left
i’m suffocating
i’m dying"

Instead of telling your readers you are suffocating and dying, maybe you could show them.
I suggest using the line "now the fire’s been contained inside me" to connect to the idea of death like saying how it is eating you or the smoke is blocking your senses, strangling and suffocating your soul...something along that line. The idea is that your poem would be even stronger if you let the audience try to picture the event and feel what is happening themselves instead of telling them explicitly what is happening.

However, I do love the internal conflict in this piece. From my interpretation, this poem contains elements of longing and determination. The narrator wants to have full control over their own feelings and body, but I guess the heart isn't cooperating .

That seems like everything that I have to say, then. I hope you are not offended by this review in anyways and I apologize in advance if you are.

Have a great rest of your day!

Tere

do you ever think of me?
it seems all i do is think of you
your memory haunts me

but why?
you were a huge chapter in my story,
but that’s all you are.

you do not rule my life
you will never rule my life
my life is my own

yet i find myself drained of my will,
my hope, my happiness
where did it go?

maybe i lost it
while i was
drowning in my tears

waiting for you
to notice me
to love me

but that wasn’t it at all
and you knew that
you’ve always know that

maybe
it wasn’t me
it was you

you stripped me of my happiness
one fucking piece at a time
when is enough?

i found myself isolated to you
a lone lit street lamp
just waiting for the sun to outshine

i never had time for my real friends,
for my family, for myself
because i was always waiting for you

waiting for a light in the dark,
but you were just a match
that’s all you’ll ever be

i wish you would have just
lit the candle of hope to light me
through the tunnel of depression

but instead you started a fire
my depression was your accelerant
and you’ve burned up

now the fire’s been contained inside me
no way to exit,
but it can’t get worse, right?

now there’s no oxygen left
i’m suffocating
i’m dying

no words escape my lips as i collapse
i’ve been slowly dying for years
i only just noticed

you’re just ash now,
and i’m left with the smoke
i’m suffering the consequences of your actions

i’m just trying to stay alive
but i’m burning out at both ends
death would be a kindness

i’m running out of time
but i have so much left to say
i don’t want you to win

but your fire spread
and i’m not sure
if i can find my way out

but i always find
myself thinking

have i ever burned you?

This is how the poem is supposed to be formatted. I was having major issues trying to get it to format this way. Someone, please help, if possible. Thanks!