z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

Change

by nykolasandrews


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Everything just kind of hits you at night when you're just lying there; your mind is racing; your body is tired after a long day, because nowadays, every single day is long and weary. It's pitch black, no light except the few little ones from your computer and the cracks in the door that you never notice unless you're looking for them. And you keep lying there, your eyes probably closed, but you can't tell because of how dark it is. Not that it matters because you can't sleep either way. You're too busy thinking about… Well, everything. You're thinking about how your day went and what you could've done differently to make it to where you wouldn't be ready keel over and die and about how you just can't wait for the day when all of your responsibilities just vanish, so you don't have to worry about doing your homework in the morning because trying to do it late at night makes it easier for you to just break down. And then you think about her. Her. You think about that girl who makes it easier for you to get through the day, even when he's making it so much fucking harder. And he does. He makes your definition of a good day most people's definition of a bad one and your definition of a bad day most people's definition of a day where there's just no hope anymore. And you know it isn't his fault that you fell for him, but it isn't his responsibility to try and fix you either. Only your's. But she's trying so hard for you, for you. She acts like you're her number one person to take care of, and you love that. You love that she cares about you, but as you lay in the pitch black, you realize you're getting attached, and you're scared of it. The last time you let yourself get attached, you got destroyed.



But you know what? Fuck you. You are not fucking allowed to mess this up for yourself. You are not allowed. She is not someone you can just let slip away because you don't want to put in the effort to be happy. She is fucking worth the effort. It doesn't matter that you're more comfortable being sad; it doesn't matter that you're scared that you are going to finally be okay and then everything will go to shit; it doesn't fucking matter that he makes you feel like shit because you are not fucking allowed to let her go. She helps; she doesn't make you feel like you're ready to keel over and die. It doesn't fucking matter that he may not have done it intentionally, making you feel the way you did because he still fucking did it. He still hurt you. And she wants to help you, even though you are not her responsibility. She wants to care about you, and you are not allowed to succumb to your naïve, selfish, childish fucking whims in your thinking that you aren't fucking allowed to be happy. You are not allowed to succumb to your fear of getting hurt because she shouldn't have to be punished for what he did. She wants to help, and dammit, you are gonna let her because you are not going to let that fear conquer you. Fuck you.



           Fuck you.



                 Fuck you.



                       You are not allowed to fuck this up.


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767 Reviews


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Mon May 30, 2016 3:55 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello there!

I'll just jump in by saying, I'm not sure what to make of this. Because this is writing, I will make the assumption that this is fictions (and I don't mean to disrespect anything if this is indeed a personal letter, but for the sake of the review, this is purely fictional to me.)

So, first off, I really like the stream of thought lines that are strewn throughout this, especially in the beginning when it is literally the narrator of sorts in bed thinking about things. It's a nice touch and it brings out the voice really well. However, I feel like in the very, very beginning, it's a bit overdone in the sense that it's hard to get into. I recommend easing us into those fast-pace, wordy sentences so that we can get the full effect.

As well, I'm assuming that this is a letter being written to oneself. That the signed person is also the "you" throughout this. But it's not really clear and I feel like it could be, with even something as simple as a relation of the narrator to the implied "you". If this is indeed not the case, try to rework this to separate the two voices somehow.

Final thing is that this is super vague, which I'm sure you intended. But it's vague to the point that I feel like I'm being left out of something, and since this is assumed fiction, that's annoying for a reader. This could be extremely, extremely powerful if even just subtle hints are dropped at what happened. Who this he and she are. I can tell the she, but the he was slipped in there so casually that I thought it was just a typo and I feel like a little more attention could be drawn to that. Maybe even something like italics of the word to be all, "Yes, I'm not the she just mentioned but I am important."

Overall though, I love how dripping with emotion this is and it's an interesting read!

Best of luck,
~ Wolfe




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Points: 1438
Reviews: 139

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Sun May 29, 2016 3:41 pm
deleted21 wrote a review...



Okay- hi!

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to review this but it was in the Greenroom, it's review day, got to help my team so, YEAH!
Well, i'm going to judge this from the emotional perspective. It's very relatable (Note that, it's the emotional states I'm giving emphasize) and the emotions are very nicely put here. The narrator here is in a state, we all have been in at least once in our lives. I know, i'm not supposed to talk about anything personal but it's important to remember that, not everyone will be the same. One need to let things go, it's hard, I know. In fact, very hard but if you don't let things go, it slowly kills you and that's something one should never want for them. ^^ So... yes. Taking chances in life doesn't hurt. I'm a very creepy idealist so, hearing me saying this might be a shock to someone who knows me but even though it's all cliche, it's true!
Also, I might add, too much swearing! xD

Not really a review but hope that I helped, in any possible way at all!





You have light and peace inside you. If you let it out, you can change the world around you.
— Uncle Iroh, Avatar the Last Airbender