Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.
the longer i hold on
to this belief that
i can recover,
the worse it feels
when i inevitably
find myself bleeding
my wrists are stained
with the blood of
my far off dreams,
but i can't stop myself.
my only company
are my nightmares
i can't feel anything.
my body feels so heavy
i can't hold myself up
it's just getting worse
i want so desperately
to just be okay
the pain i'm leaving behind
is just another sin
that i must atone for
but anything has to be
better than the knife
hanging over my head
i know i'm going to hell,
but i wonder if nightmares
will follow me to the afterlife
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125,030 Literary Works • 672,787 Reviews
Hi nykolas, I am Buranko and I am here to give a honest opinion on your poem and what I managed to get from your message.
What stands out in your poem is the use of metaphors. The image of blood is tightly tied to your poem, making it the most important motif. Blood makes the persona feel tired, in pain, desperate and paranoid.
I can see some blaming in this poem. The persona feels like he/she isn't worthy of feeling pain, considering it a sin, something to avoid, something repulsive. Dreams are dead, hanging on his veins.
The image of wrists is also really profound. The meaning is obvious, suicidal thoughts that are related to deep sadness and pain. The blood belonging to the dreams really resonated with me. Dreams are dead heh... That's painful af, not trusting your own dreams, your heart, yourself.
I didn't like the image of the knife hanging over one's head. I find that metaphor to be kind of basic, not anything that strong compared to what you achieved in your poem. It felt off for some reason.
The last stanza repaired in a way that meh metaphor, in a beautiful way. What I liked was the word nightmare. With dreams gone, all that remained was nightmare. These nightmares made life a hell, and the persona hopes to get away from them in the afterlife. However doubt clouds his mind as he starts questioning whether nightmares will follow him or not.
Great work! Thanks for sharing!
Hi! This is going to be a VERY short review, but here it is!
Wow. I really liked this poem-
It was raw and emotional, and I think you did a great job of capturing these emotions that are felt by so many and expressed by so few.
The last stanza resonated with me; really, the thought that you captured in that stanza wowed me.
I love the stylistic choice of no capitalization (I always love those).
Anyway, thank you for sharing your poem! I think you did fantastic at creating a poem about such a sensitive topic.
thank you so much
i appreciate you taking the time to comment. i was a bit hesitant to post this