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E - Everyone

The seventh grade

by nightshadows, Emivanz1


Life goes on

I will survive,

I will continue to breathe

My soul will revive

~

My heart will beat

But I cannot feel

For he forgot me

In seventh grade

~

My heart had swelled

But was broken in two

My lonely life

Nobody on cue

~

I rethought and acknowledged

The mistakes I had made

Like a secret hope

Nobody to aid

~

Like a flower

i bloomed under his sun

But when winter came

He was gone

~

I loved him through summer

And spring and winter too

But when the cold autumn hit

I didn’t know what to do

~

Challenges hardships

Memories to fade

The boy who loved me

In the seventh grade


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5 Reviews


Points: 18
Reviews: 5

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Thu Apr 22, 2021 10:40 pm
AddisonHardy wrote a review...



Hello nightshadows and emivanz1!
I really like your guys' poem, and I love the way it's written.
It truly captures the essence of a middle school love story, and the struggle of trying to get over your first real crush. I know for sure that at least, my experience was very difficult, so it resonates deeply with me.
Your language was immaculate, and the rhythm seemed to drag me along as I was reading. It almost took the tone of a song, and one I'd add to my playlist and listen to on repeat.
Again, good job! Congrats on writing such a great piece!
-Addison




nightshadows says...


Thank you!! <3



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38 Reviews


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Reviews: 38

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Thu Apr 22, 2021 4:45 am
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sulagna wrote a review...



hey, nightshadows...

Again a very amazing poem........the way you started '"Life goes on

I will survive," is absolutely a perfect way to start .
I just noticed that you write a lot of poems.....so can you please suggest some topics on which I can also try writing? well I would be really thankful if u do so..

ok back to the poem......I love writings of romantic genre and this is exactly what i wanted to read. Your writing skills are really nice.......
I dont have anything else to say....

keep writing!




Ilium417 says...


I know I'm not either of these awesome people, but maybe you can write a poem from the perspective of a window. Or someone looking through I guess but I think the window itself would be cool.
Hope that helps!



nightshadows says...


Thank you so much!! I will be happy to help you!!! Later today I will try and send you a few topics if I can, sorry yesterday I got in an accident so I am still trying to get used to things



sulagna says...


Thanks to both of you........@Ilium417 and @nightshadows



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113 Reviews


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Reviews: 113

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Wed Apr 21, 2021 4:13 pm
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chikara wrote a review...



'Ello, you both! I haven't reviewed in a while, so consider me rusty :/

positives

I like the choice of using a rhyme scheme. The idea of a middle school boy and someone still having feelings after so long is a stronger topic, but the rhyme scheme works to add more flow and carelessness to emotion. I personally don't mind stronger topics in poetry because I write a lot of sad poems, so it doesn't change much of my actual thoughts.

I think the collaboration aspect is nice too. It's hard at first to share poetic feelings with another person and create a poem that feels connected in lines with two or more authors, so I always enjoy seeing collab works. The topic does seem difficult to pinpoint because it feels personal though, so that must've been hard.

I also really appreciate the usage of flowers and love being together. I tend to like any nature imagery with love, really, so I'll always love any similar images anywhere in writing. It's also an often used metaphor to describe a blooming type of love, but it's more rare to use the seasons and flowers to describe a withered love.

suggestions

In some stanzas, the topic feels disjointed. I've mentioned how I love the flower stanza, but it doesn't exactly follow what you were going for before. Following the same topic all throughout a poem is not needed, but there should be something that holds the minor ideas together and the major ideas together.

Here is an ordered list of all of the topics I see:
a. Life
b. Introducing the boy from seventh grade
c. Heartbreak
d. Understanding the heartbreak
e. Flowers and winter
f. More seasons
g. Back to the boy

The topics of a, b, c, and d all fit nicely together - they document what happens when someone goes through heartbreak or remembers the person who they consider "the one that got away." It's a strong, solid topic for most poetry because it has potential to be changed and reflected on by many people.

Then the disjointed feeling occurs when we're introduced to the seasonal side of the poem. I personally think seasons can describe romance in many ways, but there needs to be space in the timeline for all of that to happen.

This has great potential ~ good job, you two!

chi




nightshadows says...


Thank you so much!!



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24 Reviews


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Wed Apr 21, 2021 1:01 am
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nightshadows says...



Thank you so much Emivanz1 for collabing with this awesome poem!!!




Emivanz1 says...


Thanks for letting me




You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon