I tiptoed across the tightrope
my feet dangling off the wire
I had hope,
My heart flew higher.
~
One trip,
One slip,
One mistake,
One shake.
~
My hands fumbled,
trying to catch something.
My barriers crumbled,
my souls hopeless trusting.
~
The real question to some,
Why had I taken the first step?
Why had my heart succumb?
And why did I accept?
~
One trip,
One slip,
One mistake,
One shake.
~
And I was gone.
*For the one I fell for*
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139,556 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hey nightshadows!
This was really good! The entire poem was really impactful and deep.
I like how you repeat this stanza:
The repetition adds a lot of emphasis to this part.
I really like this stanza:
I like how you express your regret at falling for this person.
I also really liked when you say "And I was gone."
On the whole, it is a really deep, moving poem.
Can't wait to read more of your work.<33
Keep writing.
Hey nightshadows!
This was really good! The entire poem was really impactful and deep.
I like how you repeat this stanza:
The repetition adds a lot of emphasis to this part.
I really like this stanza:
I like how you express your regret at falling for this person.
I also really liked when you say "And I was gone."
On the whole, it is a really deep, moving poem.
Can't wait to read more of your work.<33
Keep writing.
Hi, Pineapple here for a review!
Wow, this was an amazing poem. I liked the metaphorical part of it. The way you used falling from a tightrope to illustrate falling for someone. That was a really creative idea. The whole poem was very consistent. I loved the questions you were asking yourself throughout it!
My favorite line was, "why had I taken the first step?" I think that's all of us when we realize we've fallen in deep for someone. We wish we hadn't let ourselves fall so easily.
Overall, amazing job. I hope you keep writing!
Signed,
Pineapple
This is pretty short, so I don't know how good my review will be, but I'll try anyway!
First of all, this is a very nice poem. I like the metaphor of the tightrope and how you repeated
"One trip/ One slip/ One mistake/ One shake" at the end of the poem. It kind of turns this poem into a song, making that the chorus. I can almost hear the tune in my head.
The only thing I would change is turning "souls" into just "soul." You could also make it "OUR souls hopeless trusting" instead.
The last line, though. I love it. It almost echoes in your head, and it is so simple and short... it's perfect.
Keep writing,
Book_Dragon
Thank you!
ooooooooo
I loved this poem! And I know 'he' will too.
Glows
I loved the feeling that this poem gave out. It was almost like a mystery and suspense.
I loved the descriptions of the poem. They made it seem even more like blind trust.
Grows
It seems like you tried to add in some similes and metaphors, but they were super constant and it was hard to understand most of the time.
This was an amazing poem, and it sounded almost professional. Keep writing!
your friend
Emivanz
Thanks Em! also...are you going to show it to "him"