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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dear, the one I fell for

by nightshadows


Dear, the one I fell for

It cracked,

It splintered,

It crashed,

It grew.

My feelings for you,

Are true,

Are true,

The roots grew thick,

Into my soul.

My thoughts scurried quick,

My heart is full.

When do I know?

What to do?

My thoughts of you,

Are true,

Are true.

But what do I say?

If you wish goodbye,

Would feelings still lay?

Would I cry?

With my feelings,

My feelings,

That are true,

Are true.

*Dedicated to Potter*

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78 Reviews

Points: 40
Reviews: 78

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Wed Apr 21, 2021 4:26 am
NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey nightshadows!

This was an amazing poem!

I really like your opening line, "Dear the one I fell for,"

I like how you repeat the point that you're feeling are true, and that your thoughts are true. That gives a lot of emphasis to that point.

This line sounds really nice:

Would feelings still lay?
Would I cry?


I like how you express doubt at how you will react.

You have expressed your thoughts beautifully in this poem. I really loved the imagery that you have used, like when you said that your thoughts scurried quick, and that the roots grew thick.

On the whole, it was a beautiful poem. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Keep writing. <3




nightshadows says...


Thank you!! It means a lot!! :D



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39 Reviews

Points: 1237
Reviews: 39

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Wed Apr 21, 2021 3:01 am
sulagna wrote a review...



hey, nightshadows

Its a lovely poem! I loved the way you started.....and the way you ended.
"Dear the one I fell for...." is a very nice way to start a poem and it also attracts people to read it.
"My feelings for you,

Are true,

Are true,

The roots grew thick,

Into my soul."

These lines are just so amazing! Well I just loved the poem..........I dont think there is any kind of mistake .........its just wonderful!

Keep writing!




nightshadows says...


Thank you so much!!! <3



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89 Reviews

Points: 391
Reviews: 89

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Wed Apr 21, 2021 1:44 am
mordax wrote a review...



Hi there!! Mordax here with a review.

Um..... Wow!!! I love this poem so much. It has such a beautiful and unique flow that just rolls so smoothly off the tongue and brain (so to speak). I love how you always come back to the "are true, are true", and each time to repeat it, it never disrupts the flow, so props to you.

As for critiques, I have very few. One part I did stutter over a bit was the:

But what do I say?

If you wish goodbye,

Would feelings still lay?

I felt that the "if you wish goodbye" should be included with the former question rather than the latter, so: "But what do I say, If you wish goodbye? Would feelings still lay? Would I cry?" I feel as though this would flow better and in my interpretation, keep the meaning intact, but then again, that's just my opinion.

Besides that, I have nothing to critique. I absolutely love how you started this poem with the "It *blank*" repeated lines. It's very captivating and creates this lulling flow that you maintained throughout the poem.

Overall, great job!! I loved reading this!

mordax




nightshadows says...


Thank you so much!!




Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief