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Never the same

by nightshadows


Never the same

By: Nightshadows

When some people wake up they groan as they notice of the hardships and tribulations of the day to follow. And some flutter their eyes open knowing that the day will be better than the one previous. But that isn’t how I wake up.

I wake up to the everlasting thought that every day I will have to fight for what is mine and survive the few hours of daylight that keep me alive. My name is Harlow Seviltien and I am the only survivor of the wreckage.

I got up my arm still wrapped in bandages. Everytime I touched something, pain shot into my body, equal to the volt of a lightning bolt. My clothes were torn and dirty, my face, scraped and bruised.

Life was no longer the teenage dream. I had lost everything. Family, friends, boyfriend, community, city, country, nation, and the whole entire human population. I was the only one left. But just because I was the only one left didn’t mean there weren’t other….creatures.

They were like whispers, invisible but still very much there. And I preferred to call them whisps. All you had to do was be awake in the dark, and they would come and find you.

I rubbed my head which was pounding from dehydration and sun stroke. I crawled out of the small cement block cluster that I called home and stared into the dusty, ash streaked sky. The dirt and debris was everywhere. You see the whisps where not the only ones that destroyed our world. I walked down the ruined sidewalk, passing multiple streets and alleys all with different countries flags on them.

It was also us. Humans fought over everything. From land to power, from nations to kingdoms...until it was all gone. They blew up everything in their own desperate act for ownership. That is why nothing will ever be the same. Because they pushed the limits. And now everyone has paid their debt. The whisps weren’t the real monsters. We were.

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Sun Feb 28, 2021 1:32 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay...well this was a really interesting read. Pretty short but a really fun story to read nonetheless. I had quite a lot of fun with it and I loved the ending of it. We shall see what I get up to in the details down below. ;)

Anyway let's get right to it,

When some people wake up they groan as they notice of the hardships and tribulations of the day to follow. And some flutter their eyes open knowing that the day will be better than the one previous. But that isn’t how I wake up.


True enough of a statement there, I like that as an opening. I think it works quite well especially in getting our interest as readers. I like it, makes us think about things and also allows us to sort of relate to it which helps.

I wake up to the everlasting thought that every day I will have to fight for what is mine and survive the few hours of daylight that keep me alive. My name is Harlow Seviltien and I am the only survivor of the wreckage.


Oooh right away giving us those straight up apocalypse vibes, I am liking this already, this also seems like a nice place to start though. It kind of feels like this has two opening paragraphs...sort of...not really an issue, I just thought I'd point it out.

I got up my arm still wrapped in bandages. Everytime I touched something, pain shot into my body, equal to the volt of a lightning bolt. My clothes were torn and dirty, my face, scraped and bruised.


Well that sounds positively brutal...urgh...quite a bit of description there, effectively conveys just how terrible the situation is.

Life was no longer the teenage dream. I had lost everything. Family, friends, boyfriend, community, city, country, nation, and the whole entire human population. I was the only one left. But just because I was the only one left didn’t mean there weren’t other….creatures.


Oooh...this seems like a really interesting idea...I mean doomed for this person to die out and take the humans with them but still...'tis a dark one and a potentially interesting one.

They were like whispers, invisible but still very much there. And I preferred to call them whisps. All you had to do was be awake in the dark, and they would come and find you.


Ooof...well better than the ones in that one movie where things attack for sound.

I rubbed my head which was pounding from dehydration and sun stroke. I crawled out of the small cement block cluster that I called home and stared into the dusty, ash streaked sky. The dirt and debris was everywhere. You see the whisps where not the only ones that destroyed our world. I walked down the ruined sidewalk, passing multiple streets and alleys all with different countries flags on them.


Oooh I have a feeling where this passage is heading and it will not lead to very flattering descriptions of humanities hand in this apocalypse...we'll see I suppose.

It was also us. Humans fought over everything. From land to power, from nations to kingdoms...until it was all gone. They blew up everything in their own desperate act for ownership. That is why nothing will ever be the same. Because they pushed the limits. And now everyone has paid their debt. The whisps weren’t the real monsters. We were.


Ahh yup, the classic, standard ending that we all see in the end in most apocalypse stories..and honestly it just the makes the most sense sometimes scary as that is...oh well...fitting ending though. I like the echoey epicneess that radiates of that last line.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a really fun story to read. I liked it. It was short and quite satisfying despite that. Good job here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Thu Feb 25, 2021 4:47 am
MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey! Maple May here with a review!

This was an awesome story! It was very deep and suspenseful! Anyways, I am here to share some pros and cons I found!


Pros


I wake up to the everlasting thought that every day I will have to fight for what is mine and survive the few hours of daylight that keep me alive. My name is Harlow Seviltien and I am the only survivor of the wreckage.


Great lead-in! It is very deep and does a great job setting the mood for the story.

I crawled out of the small cement block cluster that I called home and stared into the dusty, ash streaked sky.


I like the imagery!

The whisps weren’t the real monsters. We were.


Amazing end! It's true, we can be our own worst enemy.


Cons


Couldn't really find any. There were a couple of grammatical errors but nothing too crazy.




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Sun Feb 21, 2021 4:21 am
nightshadows says...



Ok so I know a few of you were wondering what the whisps were and to go into more detail:
Whisps were something I designed to scare the reader but not to frightening so you could shock the reader with the whole human thing. I wasn't thinking about making this into a novel but if you guys want I could attempt to ;)
Also Thank you guys so much for your reviews! It means alot!




nightshadows says...


Also they were kind of just shadows, shadows of creatures that you couldn't see. They take you in the dark and you are never seen again!

wow...that got scary quick lol :D



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Sun Feb 21, 2021 12:15 am



This is so good! I love the style of writing. It kept me reading, and I loved the last paragraph. Very eerie!!




nightshadows says...


Thank you so much!



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Sat Feb 20, 2021 8:23 am
illy7896 wrote a review...



I love the thoughts and the story in this piece of writing, you have been able to reach out for the audience using personal thoughts to give a brief summary of your own situation, which is a very dramatic introduction- brilliant for the type of tale that you are writing. I also loved your beginning line- it implies that you don't have room to think of anything other than survival. Like the reviewer down below, it was very hooking.

Could you possibly extend on the debris caused by humans? What happened, where, why, how? I love the idea of having the humans doing the most of the damage, yet you are still in peril from the whisps. However, could you explain what happened in a little more context using more imagery rather than personal thoughts. Perhaps you pick up fragments of the war, bullets splayed all over about- maybe even broken down turrets laying limp on the street. Why were they here? I think that maybe answering these questions would allow the reader to really get into the atmosphere of the environment.

My favourite line was
'I crawled out of the small cement block cluster that I called home and stared into the dusty, ash streaked sky'
This was a really good sentence.

I enjoyed reading this piece :)




nightshadows says...


Thank you so much!



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Sat Feb 20, 2021 3:02 am
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Emivanz1 wrote a review...



Hi this is an amazing story that really gets the attention of the reader. It is a great realization of what humanity will do to the world. The only thing is I want to know more about the wisps, and they adaptations of the human species? are they ghosts? and i think you could describe what happened to this world and why its like this.




nightshadows says...


Thank you!




I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec