z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

It ended at Midnight -Chapter 8

by myjaspercat


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Melody

The scream tore from my throat as I bolted upright. I don't remember how I made it back to my house, but I must have because I definitely wasn't outside anymore. The woman from my dream still haunted my vision and I closed my eyes hoping to erase her from my mind. Everything was so confusing right now. It felt so surreal, and it made me sick to my stomach. My brain was so foggy at the moment it scared me. I think I must have passed out last night somewhere in the woods and hit my head because nothing was making sense. I mean, someone must have found me last night which is bad because I know I will not hear the end of it from my parents when I finally make my way downstairs later but at least I wasn’t left to freeze.

I opened my eyes again, this time allowing myself to fully take in my surroundings. Another strangled scream tore from my throat when I realized that I in fact was not back in my bedroom but rather lying somewhere in a stranger's bed. Holy shit I was really screwed now wasn’t I. What happened last night that ended me up here, wherever here was. I was so so dead. My parents must know at this point that I had left my room during the party last night and never came home. They were so going to lock me up for the rest of my life, hell they may even kill me. I wouldn’t put it past them at this point. I was in so much trouble.

Suddenly the door to the room I was in burst open with a loud bang. In the blink of an eye a large burly man pushed his way into the bedroom with a sudden ferocity that set my insides on fire. The second that he pushed himself into the room it was like all time had stopped and he took the air with him. I had forgotten why I was screaming in the first place.

His face looked incredibly pissed too. Like somehow he was peeved off to even be here, as if I was a bothersome nuisance. Like I even asked to be here in the first place douchbag. He was just like my parents, great. His face at this exact moment reminded me of them so much that I recoiled in disgust. I have always hated being the reason they looked at me like that and now to have this complete stranger look at me like this made me want to scream. Why was I so much of a burden in the first place? To have this man look at me the way my family looked at me made me want to crawl into my own personal hell hole and die. I sank further into the bed than I thought possible and tried to pretend that I wasn’t even there. Maybe if I disappeared he would go back to wherever he was in the first place and I could go back to figuring out where I was.

“What happened, is everything ok?”

The man looked around the room like he was addressing someone else. Which was odd in my opinion because I was pretty sure that I was the only one here. I followed his eyes trying to see if I could figure out who he was talking to. However, just like I assumed in the first place there was no one else in the room besides me.

“Is everything ok?” He asked again, this time looking directly at where I cowered under the covers.

I stopped, confused. Wait, was he actually directing his questions to me? I guess it made sense but why? Why did he look so concerned all of a sudden when he entered the room looking at me the way he had. I could sense a shift in his tone when he took another step into the room. Something about him seemed protective. As if my first assessment of him was wrong. But that didn’t make sense. I had learned to live my life off of my intuition because of the family I grew up in, there was no way I had gotten him so incredibly wrong. Yet here he was, standing before me now looking so intently at my cowardice with such protectiveness it startled me.

“My love,” he said softly this time, as he walked over to the end of the bed. His shoulders relaxed a little as he sat himself down near my feet. “Are you ok? What’s wrong, I heard screaming.” He reached over and placed a hand on my lower leg, giving it a little bit of a squeeze in the process.

I looked at him confused as all hell now. Why was he calling me his love, what the fuck did he mean by that. Was this man absolutely batshit crazy? I didn’t even know him, how the hell did he think calling me his love was ok. I mean hell, I just woke up from what I can only classify as a nightmare now into a strange room and now I have some random man calling me his love. If this wasn’t ‘season 6 of the bachelor crazy’ as Elizabeth would put it, then I don’t know what is. I moved my leg out from under his touch, curling myself into a tighter ball in an attempt to give him the hint that I didn’t want to be touched by him again.

“What?” was all I could get out.

The man looked at me like I was the crazy one this time. His eyes roamed my body as if he was looking for something wrong with me. It was like he was shocked that I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Well newsflash buddy I have absolutely no Idea what the hell you are talking about.

“Melody, is everything ok?”

O.M.G. How in the godfuck did this man know my name? What happened to me last night. There was no way in hell that he could even know who the hell I was. Back home I was a nobody. Veronica made sure that I was a nobody. The only reasonable explanation was that I had somehow teleported into some alternate dimension. That or my parents got so pissed when they realized that I had left during the party that they like sold me off to some random man in the hopes that I would be erased from their family. Yeah no, scratch the alternate dimension shit, this was probably the most likely of scenarios. The man probably thought he was getting some mail ordered bride or something gross like that. Just another sicko perving off teenage girls, of course my parents would find something as disgusting as this to do to me. I really had to get out of here.

“Melody?” He asked again. This time leaving the rest of the question up in the air for interpretation as he got up. He stood at the end of the bed staring down at me. His brow furrowed and creased in the middle. As much as the whole situation made me want to vomit I couldn’t deny the fact that right now he did look rather attractive in that pose. Oh hell, what was happening to me. It couldn’t be Stockholm syndrome yet right? Like there was no way that shit happened this quickly did it.

I looked back up at the man who now stood before me with his hands on his hips as if he disapproved of my silence. I was trying to find a way to distract my stupid brain from memorizing the glorious details of his beautiful face but there seemed to be something awfully familiar about him that I couldn’t quite place. My stomach started to twist itself into knots again, heat raising its way into my core until I could no longer breath properly. He continued to look at me like he was expecting an answer any minute now but I couldn’t find the proper words to say to him. Hell I don’t think I could even say anything at all even if I wanted to at the moment. It was like my brain had decided to stop processing the moment I acknowledged his presence. Why did he seem so familiar?

I looked at him again, this time trying to fully take him in. He was big, definitely bigger than any man I had seen back in Falkirk which solidified my earlier suspicions of not being home. This also meant that there was probably no way I could just get out of this place, if I had no idea where I was then I certainly would have no way of finding my way back home. Which actually didn’t sound so bad, not that I would rather be locked up in a room with a weirdo. He was also very attractive. That definitely was an understatement but in this given situation I didn’t quite care. I trailed my eyes up and down his body, the familiarity growing.

As if summoned from somewhere deep in the crevice of my mind a shadowy figure started to materialize in my memory. My vision blurred and I couldn’t regain focus for the life of me. Suddenly I was transported back into the forest, the dark cold of the night before trapping me. Before me stood a handsome man with a sculpted body that looked like it came out of chippendale magazine. And those eyes. I remember those eyes, a hauntingly beautiful green that burned into my soul. The sweet aroma of chocolate and pine made my mouth water. I gasped. It couldn’t be. I had made it all up. Last night I was tired and lost and seeing things, there was no way he was real.

The bedroom came back into focus and this time when I looked up at the man, who was looking at me with much more concern than I initially gave him credit for, I saw those same green eyes looking back at me. So I wasn’t crazy. He did exist. But that still didn’t explain how I got here, or why he knew my name and was calling me his love. I uncurled myself a little. Something was telling me that everything was going to be alright and that I could trust him. Sitting up a little bit straighter I tried to find the right words to say. I must look pretty stupid at this moment and for some reason that irritated me. I never wanted to look stupid in front of this man again.

“I-I’m sorry but who are you?” I asked, biting my tongue after the words left my mouth. “How did I get here?”

The man let his arms fall to his side as he sat on the bed again. He sighed deeply, the disapproval and worry shifting into mild frustration. “Of course. How could I be so dense? You have no idea who I am.” He said aloud, almost like he was talking to himself.

“I mean look at you, you’ve been asleep for three days and then you wake up here in the house without any knowledge of me bringing you here, of course you would scream. It must be pretty confusing and scary to wake up in a different place. But I couldn’t just leave you out there in the woods to freeze to death. I would never do that to my Luna. I bet you have a million questions…”

The man continued to ramble on, but I stopped breathing altogether. I was trying so hard to process what he had just said. I was sleeping for three days. But how and what did he mean by ‘his Luna.’ Panic bubbled inside me as I listened to him continue on. I needed to get out. I had to get out of here. In as quick of a movement as I could I threw the blankets off of me and scrambled out of the bed trying to make my way to the door. I must have gotten my leg tangled in the sheets however because as soon as my feet hit the floor so did the rest of me. Throwing my hands out in front of me in an attempt to break my fall I choked back a scream as a shooting pain engulfed my wrist. Fuck. I forgot I sprained it back on the night of my birthday. It hurt all over again.

Within seconds the man was besides me cradling me in his arms as he lifted me off the floor and back on the bed. His voice cooing soft shh’s as he kept me cradled against his chest, being careful not to put too much pressure against my injured arm. Tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to breath through the pain.

“What were you thinking, you clumsy girl,” he whispered into my hair.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I could get out before I passed out again. Look at me, such a damn damsel in distress. Elizabeth would be proud. 


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
646 Reviews

Points: 79424
Reviews: 646

Donate
Sat Feb 18, 2023 2:02 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I really loved how this chapter progressed! It was heavily focused on Melody's internal thoughts as she slowly regained consciousness as well as the memory of the events that had led her to that point. Even though her thoughts were interspersed with a few dialogues signifying a greater event - her first introduction with Jack, I felt as though I could really connect with her wandering and slightly panicked thoughts.

To have this man look at me the way my family looked at me made me want to crawl into my own personal hell hole and die.

For one, it gave us a deeper understanding of the toxic relationship she shares with her family and its direct implications on her as a person. She is so used to being ill-treated and unwanted in her family, that her first reaction to Jack is suspicion. Despite her curiosity about him and her panic and fear at finding herself in such a precarious situation, her first reaction is to be on guard. And most importantly, when she said she wanted "to crawl into her own personal hell and disappear" it felt as though she was trying to protect herself from further emotional harm rather than physical, because it is what she has come to expect from her family. It made me really sad because her first thought wasn't that he would hurt her or abuse her, but that he was looking at her in 'that' way and it made her feel small and vulnerable.

This scene was a little unexpected since I never thought that Melody would ever come to associate Jack (someone who is so protective of her) with the likes of her parents in any war or form. However, this scene portrays how deep her hurt runs and how it has shaped her reactions and expectations from the world.

I looked back up at the man who now stood before me with his hands on his hips as if he disapproved of my silence.

Even though the interaction of the two main characters was the highlight of this chapter, Jack seemed to have assumed a somewhat background role for me here since most of his dialogues were either ignored or expected not to be addressed. Sure, Melody was absolutely taken by his physical appearance but its the little mannerisms that stood out for me. For example, here the stance he adopted reflects his personality - he is the alpha and he is not used to waiting on people. His impatience shows and even his dominant nature is somewhat evident in the way he expects Melody to answer his questions when he asks them. Even the first scene when he burst into the room at Melody's scream, I feel it was his protective nature that Melody mistook for disgust and aggravation. These little actions and reactions of the characters make the narration feel more personal and enjoyable to read.

Panic bubbled inside me as I listened to him continue on. I needed to get out. I had to get out of here.

Something I really loved about this chapter is how clearly you have portrayed Melody's emotions here. Even as one emotion gave way to another one, her rapidly changing thoughts were easy to understand and extremely relatable. They followed a natural progression that was easy to accompany for the readers. And the fact that both of the characters were functioning on different frequencies, while we readers were aware of both perspectives, definitely made this chapter a highly entertaining read. Here, for example, her panic was evident and natural but it was so totally missed by Jack that it was a little amusing for me as the reader, who was aware of the different rail lines along which their trains of thoughts were running.

Just one point:

What happened last night that ended me up here, wherever here was.

This sentence reads a little awkwardly, and maybe you could frame it in a different way? For example, "What happened last night that ended with me being here".

Overall, this was another excellent chapter and it ended at a point which makes the reader want to read more just to find out what happens next with them. It was definitely a wonderful addition to the story!

Keep writing and have a great day!




User avatar
420 Reviews

Points: 3442
Reviews: 420

Donate
Sat Jan 14, 2023 8:05 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you’re having an excellent day/night!

As mentioned in my last review, it really is so great to see you back at this again! And let me tell you, I am thrilled to finally see our two main characters share a scene together! I appreciate all the added depth to Melody’s character this chapter. The insight is incredibly interesting, and I’m curious to see how it will develop.

Just one thing I am concerned about; Melody has clearly been very neglected, and any attention she has received has been very negative. I’m worried that Jack may take advantage of that, even if it’s unintentionally.

Perhaps that’s an avenue you plan to observe. We haven’t yet seen enough of their interactions to be sure. If you do intend to explore this theme, I think it would strengthen their relationship, should they be able to overcome it.

Again, this may not even prove to be an issue, but I would like to at least mention it here.

I really enjoyed the way you described their actions, to better illustrate their emotions. Particularly this line-

The man let his arms fall to his side as he sat on the bed again.


All in all, this was an excellent follow up chapter! I’m excited to learn more about this society about ‘wolves’ (and more about our leads!) Feel free to let me know whenever you post the next chapter, I look forward to reading it!

So, with all that said, keep on writing, and have a great day! :D





I feel like if I was the mafia I’d leave a voicemail.
— Tuckster