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It ended at Midnight -Chapter 3

by myjaspercat


The weekend seemed to drag on and on and I was beginning to wish for my Monday alarm to go off. I hadn't spoken to a single soul all weekend and my body ached from all the cleaning my parents had made me do. I wanted to scream every time they gave me something else to do, it was like a never-ending parade of punishments. Come Saturday evening my parents had me locked into my bedroom, too afraid to let any of the party guests even see that they had another person living in their home. I had been instructed to stay out of sight and stay quiet. As if I even wanted to be a part of their little charade anyways. I was just sitting on my bed re-reading twilight for like the millionth time when Veronica burst through my door.

"Hey loser, where is that super cute top you stole. You know, the one with the pink flowers."

I looked up, annoyed that she was interrupting my team Edward time. Like come on who doesn't want a mysteriously hot bad boy with a dangerously hotter secret. Veronica just stood in front of my open closet staring at me like I was crazy.

"Did you not hear me, Meldoy. The top, where is it?"

"I didn't steal anything Ronnie, some of us are just capable of saving our money. And what does it matter to you anyways, you have enough clothes in your room. You don't need to start taking mine."

I picked up my book again trying to show her that I wasn't going to entertain her any longer. As always it didn't work. Instead, Veronica grabbed the book from my hands shoved a perfectly manicured finger into my chest.

"Now listen here, I want that top and I want it now. You wouldn't want me to tell Mommy and Daddy that you were picking on me again would you. Especially on the night of MY seventeenth birthday party."

I looked at her, trying desperately to not let my eyes roll back into my head like I really wanted them to. I can't believe this was happening. One day that's all I wanted. "It's hanging up in my bathroom Ronnie. Just take it and leave me alone. Now can I please have my book back."

Veronica huffed, stomping her way into my bathroom before reemerging with my top. She peeled off the tank she was wearing and slipped mine over her head, pulling her blonde hair into a lose bun. She smiled greedily in my mirror, twirling around like a little girl. It was really gross how self-absorbed she always was. It always shocked me how totally into herself she could be. I mean she wasn't exactly unattractive; with her slim figure and blonde hair she totally had the whole stereotypical model beauty thing about her. But her attitude tainted whatever natural beauty she had.

"My book Ronnie." I reminded her, stretching out my hand for the novel.

She looked at me, a smirk growing on her lips. "Do you mean this book," she said picking twilight up from where she laid it on my dresser, "I don't know why you always read this crappy story anyways. It's not like any of it is real. Vampires and werewolves, come on Melody grow up already."

"I don't care Ronnie, just give it back to me."

"No. I don't think I will. I think I'm going to save you from yourself just this one time, call it a sisterly favor if you will."

"What do mean Veronica?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Idiot." She scoffed, picking up the lighter I kept on my dresser for my candles. "This is for your own good Meldoy. Maybe now you'll learn to get your head out of the clouds and realize that you're good for nothing other than cleaning and cooking and making sure I have everything I need. You get me."

I watched Veronica hold the corner of my book over the lighter before she flicked it and set its pages ablaze. The fire catching quickly onto the overworn pages. I cringed inside, my heart breaking a little. It took my three months of saving up what little allowance my parents gave me to buy that book and here it was being burned up right in front of me. I couldn't believe she would stoop so low. Hell, I gave her what she wanted. What did I have to do to be left alone for once? Veronica laughed as she watched my horrified expression. It felt like my entire soul was being burned up along with Bella and Jacob and Edward. Tears had already started to prickle up in the corners of my eyes.

When she seemed satisfied with the destruction of my book Veronica walked back into the restroom and I could hear her drop it into the open toilet. She came out looking smug and proud of herself. I knew if I said anything to her now, I would just end up in trouble with our parents, so I stayed where I was and tried to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over. As soon as she walked out of my room, I bolted off the bed and ran for the bathroom, pulling the soaking pages out of the water. It was completely and utterly destroyed. There was no way in hell that I was going to be able to salvage the pages. Five years of comfort flushed down the drain. I hurt all over, my heart aching in my chest. I hated her. I had all of this. I hated my family and this stupid town. I hated the fact that I was ever born. Why did I have to be born, why couldn't I have just died and given my parents their one wish.

As I sat on the bathroom floor crying over the destroyed book in my hands, I could feel the anger burning down inside me. It turned in the pit of my stomach slowly, its bile creeping into the back of my throat. I've never felt anger like this so strongly before. It almost seemed like it seeped into every crevice of my body. Dark inky tendrils that snaked their way around my veins and bled into my heart. It scared me. Sweat began to roll down my temples as my body heat grew stronger with the anger inside. Standing I looked at myself in the mirror. The person who was looking back at me looked like my face, but I swear that for a split second I could see my brown eyes flash golden in the reflection.

What the hell was happening to me. I took a step back, afraid that if I stared at myself too long, I would see myself disappear. Throwing the book into the trash I stumbled back into my room, the rage inside me blinding me. I had to get out of here. I needed to breathe fresh air. Suddenly I could hear a voice in the back of my head clear as day. Her sharp melodic sound ringing around behind my ears.


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659 Reviews

Points: 82352
Reviews: 659

Sat Sep 03, 2022 6:28 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...


RandomTalks here with a short review!

I like how you are proceeding with the story. I enjoyed the narration in this chapter - it felt as though we have been given a direct access to the narrator's mind and we are reading every thought she has and just when she has them. It makes me feel even more engaged in the story, but like Horisun, it makes me wonder if Melody is somehow perceiving the situations in a more dramatic light.

Whether that is true or not, this chapter only succeeded in cementing my hatred towards Veronica. Somehow, she just does the worst possible things I could think of and says all the wrong things at the wrong times. There seems to be only facet of her character and that is pure evil. It makes me wonder about your plans regarding these characters. Will we ever get to see them reform or change or will they always remain such cruel and inhuman beings?

She smiled greedily in my mirror, twirling around like a little girl. It was really gross how self-absorbed she always was.

This part made me feel really uneasy about this character. The way Melody uses the expression 'smiled greedily' conveys not just her complete disgust towards her sister and her concerns with the superficial, but it also evokes a deeply disturbing emotion in the readers. I was just very wary of that entire situation in that moment.

Maybe now you'll learn to get your head out of the clouds and realize that you're good for nothing other than cleaning and cooking and making sure I have everything I need.

Veronica's presence has been nothing but evil from the very beginning. Somehow, I had a feeling that her visit to her sister's room would end on a note like this. However, this dialogue felt a little too direct and specific to me, almost like something I could have imagined one of Cinderella's step-sisters saying to her in a fit. So far, all the members of Melody's family has felt one-dimensional to me, and I think providing some context or background will help us understand their ill-treatment of Melody.

The ending completely caught me off guard though. You have translated Melody's emotions in that moment very well and I held my breath during the entire scene. Like others, I had completely overlooked the genre of the story, and so I was a little surprised at the turn in the story. It was an extremely interesting and intriguing ending though, and I can't wait to find out what happened!

Keep writing and have a great day!

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461 Reviews

Points: 6251
Reviews: 461

Wed Aug 17, 2022 4:44 pm
Horisun wrote a review...

Afternoon! I saw your work in the Green Room, and was thoroughly impressed with both this, and the previous two chapters. Quite frankly, I found myself far more invested in Melody than I had initially expected. She feels real, playing the straight man against a backdrop of wicked and cruel characters.
I feel as though you've cemented Veronica as a truly despicable character in this chapter, even more so than in the prior. Before, though she was definitely dislikable, I was curious to understand her rationale to why she holds this insurmountable hatred against her sister. And though I'd still like you to expand upon her bullying, (Perhaps explaining why she's the golden child, and Melody is so completely loathed by her parents. (Slightly off track, but it does seem rather strange to me that her father would completely disown her in the previous chapter. Her parents favoritism of their older daughter can, at times, feel a bit cartoonish, or exaggerated, almost as though this story is being told by an unreliable narrator. (Albeit, it's entirely possible this could be what you're going for. I for one grew up in a very loving household, but I can still relate to Melody because I too have felt that my brother is unreasonably favored, or that my parents have taken his side when he was entirely in the wrong. And though this is a much more extreme case, a lot of the feelings are still much the same)))
Sorry for getting a bit derailed there. Most of the above is just my opinion as a reader, which you are free to disregard.
One final nitpick, I notice that you open chapters with Melodies name, to signify who's POV we'll be following. In the first chapter, I figured this meant you were writing First Person Multiple. This is part of the reason I thought Veronica might get some redemption, as she seemed to be the prime candidate for a second Point-of-view character. It's only the third chapter, so it's entirely possible another perspective will be introduced, but I thought I'd mention it.
I've gotten all the way to the end of the review and I still haven't mentioned the ending! I'm going to be honest, I entirely missed the genre and thought this was contemporary fiction, but I do generally prefer fantasy, so this was a welcome surprise! I really liked how you described the voice in her head, and that scene in general. I felt like I was standing right beside Melody.
I'm really excited to see what will happen next- whether she will crash the party downstairs, or escape outside, or something else entirely! It's a really exciting conclusion and has me fully invested in what should happen next! Keep on writing and have a great day! :D

myjaspercat says...

This story is definitely going to be a first-person multiple point of view. I hadn't initially thought of writing from Veronica's point of view but I defiantly can at some point. I think that would be a great idea personally.

I hope everyone's safe and sound and has some potatoes in the pantry.
— Arcticus